Can they feel love? Is it love?

[Changingman]

I'm starting to feel better, and am reading up about BPD inability to feel love. When my uBPDxgf left she felt some shame but described it unconvincingly as a problem of our (my) RS. Such lies I knew something was really, seriously wrong. She was still hiding the 5 month affair she was having. I got a text 3 weeks later saying: sorry I haven't been in touch wor is crazy at the moment... .

I was amazed that she wouldn't know how messed up I was from the break up.

I feel sure about a false identity/face that she set up that I could 'love'. When I look back at all the RS she has had, they all are fractured, old BFs/booty calls, other peoples friends, work colleges and just out and out delusions. I have just realised a female friend I have known for a year was... .too fast in saying I was her best friend... .and how much she adored me... .all too fast and well you know.

Anyone else find this with their partner/friend?

[LA4610]

The only person that can answer this question is the BPD themselves, but I don't think they can. I remember watching my ex interact with her son (before i knew what BPD was) and it being a really weird. I would often ask myself "does she even love him?"

[Learning_curve74]

I think every person with BPD is different just like all people are different. And then all relationships can be different too and vary in the level of intensity and contact. It seems like a lot of people get into long distance relationships with a BPD, and as in any LDR, it is very easy to feel a level of intimacy and closeness that arises from the distance and the fill-in-the-blanks kind of thinking that can result.

I can only speak for my own experience, and I do believe my exBPDgf loved me. Not a healthy adult love, but more the love a very young child has for their parent and caretaker. And if I'm totally honest with myself, the love I had for her was probably not a healthy adult love either, as I was like the parent and caretaker. And we all know that a certain point the parent needs to let the child stand or fall on their own regardless of how much they love their child.

[Turkish]

The only person that can answer this question is the BPD themselves, but I don't think they can. I remember watching my ex interact with her son (before i knew what BPD was) and it being a really weird. I would often ask myself "does she even love him?"

I  started to think that about mine with our two little kids in the past year when our relationship stayed to go downhill.  hatred myself for thinking it.  based on what I  observed and a few very telling fb  posts ( as well as stuff I've found she's written),  they are the only thing keeping her on this planet.  very,  very  sad.  it's a  form of love,  but what a  burden to place on babies!  they might feel the truth as they get older... .