Control

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was married to a BPD woman for twenty eight years I read scores of material on the disorder and I still cannot wrap my mind about their intense need for control, to make all decisions, to have the last word etc. I am divorced from here now but she still tries to control me various ways through me daughter.

[Jnah2004]

I was married to a BPD woman for twenty eight years I read scores of material on the disorder and I still cannot wrap my mind about their intense need for control, to make all decisions, to have the last word etc. I am divorced from here now but she still tries to control me various ways through me daughter.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Jnah, I suspect that you will make yourself miserable trying to "wrap your mind" around the behavior of a pwBPD, which I find to be an exercise in frustration.  The best course, in my view, is to keep moving forward with your own life, which you seem to be doing.  Hang in there, Lucky Jim

[Waifed]

I think I read somewhere that because pwBPD have a hard time controlling their own lives they feel the need (get comfort) to control other things around them.

[fromheeltoheal]

Black and white thinking: control or be controlled, there is no equal partners meeting in the middle.

Fear of abandonment: if you are under complete control you cannot abandon.

Shame: if you are under complete control you can't call them on their sht.

28 years!  I have no idea how you did that; congratulations on surviving the tour of duty.  If I'd been with mine another couple of months one of us would be dead, no question.