She wants to meet to explain things to me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Plugging back into all that crazy making? Do you really want to connect to someone who is mentally il and has made a serious connection to deep parts of your psyche? Did she not abuse and torment those parts to see what they did to you? Did she not run a soldering iron randomly around your emotions and perceptions until you felt stunted, confused, hurt, anxious and ill?

Will she cry then blame then rage then cry then tell you about her life now as if you were nothing? She has no friends because friendship is built up over time and are based on trust! Why would anyone trust her except to get some sex from her? No one can be a friend to her really, isn't that one of the main diagnosis of BPD... .a history of intense, chaotic interpersonal relationships that end in devastation !

What words in any language could she use ? Humiliation, shame, abuse, deceit, blame? Haven't you seen how completely unequiped she is to have a significant relationship with anyone? Let alone you, who has been painted black. Don't they poison every river they wash themselves in? Even being a faceless neighbour of theirs is painful!

Why not write yourself the words you'd like her to say to you, then reread it and see if there is anyway she would say these things to you, why not then write what you think she would actually say to you and see the difference between the two.

One of the things my exUBPDgf said to me in both rounds in devaluation was "Why do you think I have no friends?" I remember when she said it to me in round 2, I said to myself, "It really does feel like a script she must be reciting from her brain." A wave of sadness washed over me at that point. Here I was, trying to be a lover to her, a best friend, and here she was telling me the exact opposite.

[Ironmanrises]

Plugging back into all that crazy making? Do you really want to connect to someone who is mentally il and has made a serious connection to deep parts of your psyche? Did she not abuse and torment those parts to see what they did to you? Did she not run a soldering iron randomly around your emotions and perceptions until you felt stunted, confused, hurt, anxious and ill?

Will she cry then blame then rage then cry then tell you about her life now as if you were nothing? She has no friends because friendship is built up over time and are based on trust! Why would anyone trust her except to get some sex from her? No one can be a friend to her really, isn't that one of the main diagnosis of BPD... .a history of intense, chaotic interpersonal relationships that end in devastation !

What words in any language could she use ? Humiliation, shame, abuse, deceit, blame? Haven't you seen how completely unequiped she is to have a significant relationship with anyone? Let alone you, who has been painted black. Don't they poison every river they wash themselves in? Even being a faceless neighbour of theirs is painful!

Why not write yourself the words you'd like her to say to you, then reread it and see if there is anyway she would say these things to you, why not then write what you think she would actually say to you and see the difference between the two.

One of the things my exUBPDgf said to me in both rounds in devaluation was "Why do you think I have no friends?" I remember when she said it to me in round 2, I said to myself, "It really does feel like a script she must be reciting from her brain." A wave of sadness washed over me at that point. Here I was, trying to be a lover to her, a best friend, and here she was telling me the exact opposite.

[Changingman]

Plugging back into all that crazy making? Do you really want to connect to someone who is mentally il and has made a serious connection to deep parts of your psyche? Did she not abuse and torment those parts to see what they did to you? Did she not run a soldering iron randomly around your emotions and perceptions until you felt stunted, confused, hurt, anxious and ill?

Will she cry then blame then rage then cry then tell you about her life now as if you were nothing? She has no friends because friendship is built up over time and are based on trust! Why would anyone trust her except to get some sex from her? No one can be a friend to her really, isn't that one of the main diagnosis of BPD... .a history of intense, chaotic interpersonal relationships that end in devastation !

What words in any language could she use ? Humiliation, shame, abuse, deceit, blame? Haven't you seen how completely unequiped she is to have a significant relationship with anyone? Let alone you, who has been painted black. Don't they poison every river they wash themselves in? Even being a faceless neighbour of theirs is painful!

Why not write yourself the words you'd like her to say to you, then reread it and see if there is anyway she would say these things to you, why not then write what you think she would actually say to you and see the difference between the two.

One of the things my exUBPDgf said to me in both rounds in devaluation was "Why do you think I have no friends?" I remember when she said it to me in round 2, I said to myself, "It really does feel like a script she must be reciting from her brain." A wave of sadness washed over me at that point. Here I was, trying to be a lover to her, a best friend, and here she was telling me the exact opposite.

Did she really ask you? Like you would answer her?

My x was always on about her female friends and how great they were. When we split I found out from them that they hardly knew her, others said she would never look them in the eye. I told a friend she had no friends and they said it wasn't true and listed 2 friends she had... .Both were friends I'd known for years and are glad I'm not with her, a bloody liability.

[Ironmanrises]

She said it in reference to her withdrawing from me and at the same time, a subtle reference to her disorder but not really coming out and saying it directly. I just remember looking at her in round 2(I was present in her house when she said it to me) and wondering, ":)o you not see that I accepted YOU back in my life knowing full well about your disorder." Mea culpa. In the end, I am to blame. I allowed this to happen to me.

[ShadowDancer]

Well that was a strange thread. Which I "won't get into"... .

[Changingman]

Yeah, denial is powerfull Voodoo, I believed her words and wanted her/us to get better... .from what I didn't know? I know now, thought it was the alcohol. But yes getting real about my role in this RS. I'm finding that changing some of my ways and wounds is very scary and painful. Learning to fight all over again.

[Changingman]

Shadowdancer, do you mean he met her and it seemed all a bit normal, I missed that post, yes odd.

[Changingman]

Oh! Reread it, but I won't etc etc

[ShadowDancer]

I cannot decipher if it was normal or not. The thread did/will "not get into" that part.

Oops there I go getting butting "in".

[LA4610]

i just put "i won't get into that" bc i didn't want the post to be too lengthy and discuss every issue/fight we ever had. basically, she seemed very aware of her condition, which i had no idea of. again, we didn't talk about getting back together nor do i have any intention too. 

your post kinda took me back. you are pretty intense man. chill out

[Changingman]

i just put "i won't get into that" bc i didn't want the post to be too lengthy and discuss every issue/fight we ever had. basically, she seemed very aware of her condition, which i had no idea of. again, we didn't talk about getting back together nor do i have any intention too. 

your post kinda took me back. you are pretty intense man. chill out

I apologize if my post felt hurtful, I didn't mean it to be. Venting my thoughts. The meeting you had seemed pretty good, not sure if this is consistent with BPD symptoms, good though. If I could get that kind of rational closure I would feel very different than I do.

[necchi]

Mine did it for a long time an I'm just waiting for it to happen again, like i mentioned on other post ,i pushed her away for long, we were friends with an unhealthy relationship. This is why i realy believe our relationship caused her this condition,even though she had issues before she met me i guess