Feel like my BPD partner is just a mix of black and white...

[crawler]

Didn't write here in a while. Sadly stuff made me come back.

Just venting some frustration in this 1. Have any of you felt like the entire relationship with a (u)BPD partner is just a mix of black and white? When things are nice, you are this perfect being in their eyes. But when things go bad, you are the worst person ever. And even worse, when things are bad and they are angry at you, they tell you that stuff was annoying/hurting them when you thought everything was okay. Do I even make sense with this? Sometimes things make me so tired and confused that I'm wondering what I'm even doing here... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[HopefulDad]

Yup.  Recognizing what's going on beneath it all like you've spelled out here is what keeps me sane.  Frustrated, but sane.

[izzitme]

I echo your feelings for sure.  When I am "behaving" and not asking for anything or upset with him then things are great but when there is a crisis in my life that has nothing to do with him he pulls away.  It has been 6 weeks of bliss since I have been using tools here but I am worried that he will bail on me if some issue should arise that causes me to become emotional.  Tonight I texted him that I needed a hug and since we can't be together physically that I would love it if he would text me his hug icon.  I did this to be vulnerable and direct with my needs (I'm learning too).  I am still waiting for a response and that was 6 hours ago.  Of course it was later in the evening and his phone was uncharged all day doing outdoor chores so it could be that his phone is plugged in outside of his bedroom and he hasn't seen it. We spoke just before his dinner was ready and that is usually when he plugs his phone in for the evening.   One tool I have learned here is to refrain from storytelling, to just think logically and not jump to conclusions.  If anything these relationships are opportunities for personal growth within ourselves and to become healthy and thriving individuals.  We have to admit that there is some part of us that isnt healthy or else we wouldnt put up with what we do.

[nodoover]

Yep, I feel like I am walking in a mine field in my life.  Even during the good periods I am always on the lookout for the mines around me.  It feels like every time I slowly get sucked in to feeling relaxed wham! the tiniest thing sets him off.

This morning we were talking in the kitchen while he was making pancakes he makes with bisquick, eggs, milk or buttermilk.  I go upstairs a few min and hear this big explosion of cussing, its my fault because we were talking, etc that he added regular milk instead of his beloved buttermilk to his fav pancakes. He throws out the buttermilk, leaves the rest of mix, eggs, and reg milk in bowl and says he doesn't want to eat now and storms off to office room and is now sulking.

Just another normal day I guess!

[montanesa]

Didn't write here in a while. Sadly stuff made me come back.

Just venting some frustration in this 1. Have any of you felt like the entire relationship with a (u)BPD partner is just a mix of black and white? When things are nice, you are this perfect being in their eyes. But when things go bad, you are the worst person ever. And even worse, when things are bad and they are angry at you, they tell you that stuff was annoying/hurting them when you thought everything was okay. Do I even make sense with this? Sometimes things make me so tired and confused that I'm wondering what I'm even doing here... .

Yes, I definitely feel the same way and you definitely make sense with what you've said.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad day! I, too, am guilty of only being on here when things get bad. I'm trying to make it more of a habit to learn better strategies.

Best of luck and you've got this!