No major drama to report

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello boys and girls!

Hugs to all.   

Its been a while since I have visited, but know that I have thought about all of you on more than one occasion, and the knowledge and skills learned from this site continue to be used on a daily basis.  In fact, much of it has become second nature.

The summer has been a tough one for me health wise.  Basically I think it all just overloaded in the Spring, and the body started falling apart.  4 different hospital stays, a leave of absence from work, dropping all forms of alcohol and caffeine, intentionally scheduling in some breaks and rest time, etc etc - is all working and Im going the right direction again.

Back to basketball a couple times a week and full swing with soccer coaching. 

The work, and home life stresses are still as high as ever but psychologically I am getting into a rhythm where I am able to manage them better.  Lots of detachment.  Personal confidence and strength in who I am.  Recognizing when its getting to me and somehow making a break.  Of course there are times when I still dont do such a great job of it all, but there are times when I do.  So progress.

I havent been on in a while basically because I have been off turning the crank on life.

So hello to all my friends here.  Im still around.  I hope all of you are continuing to learn, grow, and make improvements to your own situation.

Hugs!

 

[yeeter]

Hello boys and girls!

Hugs to all.   

Its been a while since I have visited, but know that I have thought about all of you on more than one occasion, and the knowledge and skills learned from this site continue to be used on a daily basis.  In fact, much of it has become second nature.

The summer has been a tough one for me health wise.  Basically I think it all just overloaded in the Spring, and the body started falling apart.  4 different hospital stays, a leave of absence from work, dropping all forms of alcohol and caffeine, intentionally scheduling in some breaks and rest time, etc etc - is all working and Im going the right direction again.

Back to basketball a couple times a week and full swing with soccer coaching. 

The work, and home life stresses are still as high as ever but psychologically I am getting into a rhythm where I am able to manage them better.  Lots of detachment.  Personal confidence and strength in who I am.  Recognizing when its getting to me and somehow making a break.  Of course there are times when I still dont do such a great job of it all, but there are times when I do.  So progress.

I havent been on in a while basically because I have been off turning the crank on life.

So hello to all my friends here.  Im still around.  I hope all of you are continuing to learn, grow, and make improvements to your own situation.

Hugs!

 

[Rose Tiger]

   Dang Yeeter, four hospital stays?  That's pretty hard body falling!  Good on you for getting healthier and taking good care of yourself. 

[yeeter]

Oh - and after checking in I realized it has been 2 years exactly since joining this site.

At the time, I was along the journey of using multiple counselors for both my self and my marriage (uNPD/uBPD spouse, three young children).  One of the personal counselors pointed me to this site.  Although I pushed for, and kept up the marriage counseling it did not help - in fact in some ways it made things worse.

I did finally commit to the decision to stay.  I felt, and still feel, that my children are much better of with me in their lives on a daily basis.  It was a good decision.

Things have improved considerably.  I no longer 'press' for things from my wife.  She may, or may not do whatever.  I live my own life more and more.  Its more detachment, and emotional separation that I would like out of a relationship.  But its all that the relationship can offer (at least at this point in time).

The first few months on this site was like finding water in the desert.  A salvation of information, knowledge, and emotional sharing/understanding that truly was a turning point in my life.

Then reading and responding and posting to others was a way to solidify my own thinking and understanding.  Another method of learning.  And a great chronicle of my own journey (its fascinating to go back and read some early posts, and remember the state of mind I was in at the time)

Then applying and living the tools/lessons/skills.  This one is the hardest, and will be life long.  But worth the effort.  And I cant really envision a time where there isnt something to learn and apply from all the wise souls here.

So a great big two year anniversary THANK YOU to Skip for keeping this site going, to all the volunteers who put significant time and energy into making it work, and to all the participants - without which there would be nothing.

More hugs (more hugs more betta... .)

 

[yeeter]

  Dang Yeeter, four hospital stays?  That's pretty hard body falling!  Good on you for getting healthier and taking good care of yourself. 

Ya - some touch and go there.  And the docs never did find out any underlying cause, but not for lack of testing/probing/sticking me with things.  It was a wakeup call to draw some lines/boundaries around resting my own body (turns out, I am no long invincible as I once was... .  )

Thanks Rose.

[an0ught]

Hi yeeter,

good to see you back  

Things have improved considerably.  I no longer 'press' for things from my wife.  She may, or may not do whatever.  I live my own life more and more.  Its more detachment, and emotional separation that I would like out of a relationship.  But its all that the relationship can offer (at least at this point in time).

Sounds familiar. There was a phase in my relationship where we were growing a bit apart. But over the past months we both seem to be able move closer (and enjoy it) without unhealthy behavior starting up. It is certainly a different relationship than before or as I expected a year back.

Like in your relationship the drama is down in my relationship. But my problems are not gone. Some have even only escalated afterwards. Strategies and behavior that helped me in the past to face and fight the drama suddenly worked against my own mind and body. If found this book The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook very helpful to get a perspective on my increasing anxiety and device a better path forward.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey yeeter, I'm glad to hear that things have improved with your spouse, and for your kids.  I only caution you because I stayed way too long in a BPD marriage because I felt I owed it to my children to be there as a calm and steadying influence to offset the drama and turmoil of my BPDxW.  While I had good intentions and this may have been a noble sentiment, I ended up nearly destroying myself in the process, so I just want you to be careful not to put your kids first at the expense of yourself, because you will be worse off in the long run if you lose yourself in the process.  It's not fun to make a crash landing, believe me.  So hang in there and be careful, Lucky Jim

[Grey Kitty]

   Indeed, more hugs, more betta!

Glad to hear you are out of the hospital and feeling better! I hope your life continues to find good balance... .even if it means that we miss you around here!

 GK

[yeeter]

Thanks all.  Always appreciate the insights and references here.   

Indeed, put your own life vest on first.  I don't always maintain the balance, but I try.  I'm learning.  But there are times when I fail miserably, like anything else. 

The journey continues.

[123Phoebe]

Hi yeeter

Glad there's no major drama to report and that you're taking care of yourself

Thanks for checking in!

[Phoenix.Rising]

Yeeter,

Your posts always have an undertone of strength and positive energy.  That has helped me on several occasions. 

I'm glad you are doing Ok.  Take care.

[zaqsert]

Hi yeeter,

I was wondering how you were doing after your multiple hospital visits, and then I found this thread.  Glad to hear you're well!   

[yeeter]

Wow, December since my last report.

I hope everyone here is doing well. The best they can, and then some on top of that.

Although I havent been around that much, I do still think of this board/website often and how valuable it has been to me.  Indeed I need to join in more often than I have been, but Ive been taking some things off the plate, which has been a healthy thing to do.

My personal health continues to improve and go the right direction.  A wakeup call last summer and its going to take a while to fully recover (although Im getting old (er) so a the health objectives have to be modified accordingly).

In other words - Im trying to take care of myself.

Let that be a lesson to you! 

Hugs to all.       

[Surnia]

  yeeter,

what a timing. Yesterday I was really wondering about you and realized you were some time not here.

Glad you are doing well with your recovery.



and a hug back.