Why Do They Pretend They Don't Know Who You Are?

[Willingtolearn]

During the many re-cycle episode with my exBPDgf, i sent her text messages during the break-up periods. Her reply to the texts was always "Who is this?"  When we did get back together again she admitted that she did know it was me that was texting her. I asked her why she had pretended that she didn't know who it was.  She never gave me an answer to that question.

Why do you think she use to pretend she didn't know it was me?  Or are you as baffled as i was?

[Octoberfest]

It is just something hurtful to do.  Has nothing to do with BPD, I've seen it done and done it before myself.  It hurts to think that someone would have deleted your number or forgotten it, so they lead to you believe they have in order to hurt you.

[santa]

Because she is a b--ch.

[Tincup]

Used to happen to me as well.  It worked real well because it freaked me out when she would do it. 

[damage control]

I had to call my ex about a water leak a couple of weeks ago - first time since we split  have called him - now, remember that we were on the phone every day for a year  ... .he answered "who is this?" ... .really dude?

I know for a FACT that my name was still attached to the number on his phone then ...

It is hurtful/dismissive

[broken but not beaten]

Yep... .I had this also... .had a message displaying my number as if it was sent from service provider as an unknown number... .told her to grow the fk up... .personally I felt it was disrespectful and a show of projection of their hurt onto us like a punishment

[GreenMango]

I asked her why she had pretended that she didn't know who it was. She never gave me an answer to that question. Why do you think she use to pretend she didn't know it was me? Or are you as baffled as i was?

It's very possible she doesn't know why.  Part of the disorder is impulsive reactions to thibgs like real or perceived abandonment which includes rejection and judgment.  She may just be pretending to not know you or care because then she doesn't have to be hurt or rejected. She rejects first.

Or she could be fishing out a hurt for a hurt because enmeshment, or no emotional boundaries and matching emotions, is validating.  

Either way it sucks to be one the receiving end of this.  It's not a good way to treat someone you care about.  

BPD is a mental illness and often times its not going to make a a lot sense.

It sounds like you are looking over what you've been through.  It's step one in the lessons (over on the right margin of this page --->

How are you doing with that?  Are you finding some scary revelations?

[Lady31]

Because she is a b--ch.

LMBO.  Sums it up.

[eclectic]

my ex just started calling me after 6 months, I heard from her 2 days ago, I was baffled by the call, it was a new number, I had not tried to contact her, so I was not aware she had a new number.  When she called, I asked who is this, and she said who do you think, then I caught her voice, I was in shock.  However, she did make a point to tell me, that I wanted to call you one other time, but I forgot your number so I just said forget it, I was cleaning up and just seen it now.  I was thinking wow,  your so full of it, you called my number everyday for 1.5yrs, and now 6 months later, you lost it and couldn't remember it, it hurts a little at the same time, because part of me says bull, but the other part, is like if this is true, how I struggled to get over her, and she immediately got rid of my number and can't remember it, especially when I know she has other guys numbers, that she said wanted her, while we were together, I admit it got to me a little.

[damage control]

I admit it got to me a little.

Mine was/is also an expert at 'getting to me a little'.

Little things ... noever huge ... just a slow chipping that makes you question yourself and your worth to them ... .

When a RS is over, and both parties part ways ... .it's usually the little things that we take with us that give us a sense of having spent time with the other person ... of having mattered in some fundamental way.

With someone who does these type of things ... you feel replaceable, irrelevant and depersonalised.

[Aussie0zborn]

... .I struggled to get over her, and she immediately got rid of my number and can't remember it, especially when I know she has other guys numbers, that she said wanted her, while we were together, I admit it got to me a little.

Of course it got you and I'm sorry to hear you fell for this.  This is why NO CONTACT is highly recommended.

My ex rang and woke me at 1.00am. I hung up. She rang back twice. I called the cops and insisted they put a stop to it immediately, which they did.  (First thing they've done right in this whole saga, but I digress... .)

The deal is that you don't want to hear one single word from them because you end up feeling like this. No contact is the only way to go.