Punching bag

[moonunit]

Does anyone ever feel like they are the punching bag for their SO others problems ?

Today my SO has had little sleep, in fact the past 2 weeks she is lucky to get 5hrs a day. She has alot going on in her life and is stressed out to the max, and to be truthful, i have been under alot of stress myself for a while, recently work has been brutal, finances are really tight, sick family member, and after all this i am supposed to focus all my attention on her and ignore everything else. SHe is flipping out today because other events have happened in her life and she cannot deal with it anymore so she has decided that i am not being supportive and i must be having an affair because we have not been intimate for 2 weeks. She told me she is done, finished, had enough of my bs, that i should just go to whoever i am supposedly sleeping with and leave her and her family alone. She said she does not want to talk to me right now as she is soo upset with me. I have had it too with her attitude, she says she cares about me but in the same sentence gives me grief because i don't do this or that for her. There is no pleasing her at all, nothing is ever good enough, i mean nothing. SHe is all take take take, when i do something for myself it is like i have committed a horendous crime against her, i guess i am just worn out from all this mess.

Any suggestions ?       

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[briefcase]

Sounds rough right now.  My wife does this kind of thing too.

Focus on taking care of yourself right now.  Make sure you are getting needs met in other ways.  Don't get sucked into all of her drama or rise to the bait she's throwing in the water (all the BS about the affair she imagines you're having).   

[maxen]

i actually used the phrase "i'm not an emotional punching bag!" with my wife.

she actually used the phrase "you don't support me emotionally!" with me.

i agree with briefcase, take care of yourself first, you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself. and don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

[an0ught]

As long as you are a punching bag she does not have to face her horrors and fix herself... .

She is irrational so while avoiding invalidation (JADE etc.) is a particular good idea (pushing nuclear launch buttons is never a good idea), validation will not be able to reach her. This leaves you boundaries... .

It sucks to be restricted to them but it is the least energy wasting way to get through these phases. And it sounds you are low on energy  

Take good care of yourself  

[HopefulDad]

I use the punching bag metaphor all the time.

[moonunit]

Thanks everyone for your input - we actually talked about our issues last night, she went on and on about her issues and that i never support her, i made my point that i too am stressed to the max and that i am only human and not some robot who can do what she wants all the time. The discussion was quite lengthy, i think alot of issues were addressed. It didn't end badly, and yes i am going to start taking better care of myself and i expressed that sentiment to her in a non-threatening way so she understood why i was saying that. Lets see how today goes, i am hoping it goes smoothly.

[Vindi]

glad you had a talk with her... .sometimes validating feelings helps alot. I too feel like a punching bag at times... .thats when "we" talk things over, and things usually smooth over.

As what others mentioned, yes, take time for you, and your wife needs to understand that life is about alot of things, living, finances, loving your partner, having hobbies, having friends etc... .as long as you take the time to "balance" things out in your life, things should go well.

I wish you the best!