Post split and NC she's a different person (but probably not)

[slow motion]

It's tripping me out. I left my BPD exwife in may. I went no contact for two months and then only very limited contact till recently (a month ago) as we were finalizing the divorce. Since then we had a half-recycle with a lot of contact - with the explicit boundary that we will never be in a relationship again. She still plays the victim card constantly but I have yet to see a rage or outburst.

I'm frustrated because I can see now what people like my family must have seen when we were together. I understand better why no one believed me that she was hitting me, breaking all of our dishes and smashing the electronics. It seems to completely out of place when all anyone saw was this side of her. Seeing how she presents herself to people outside her familial bubble of rage and hate makes me realize that all the pain I suffered in that marriage will never be fully understood by anyone outside of me. It makes me feel terribly alone.

Maybe one of you out there has felt the same way and we can be not alone, here, in this community.

[Waifed]

It's tripping me out. I left my BPD exwife in may. I went no contact for two months and then only very limited contact till recently (a month ago) as we were finalizing the divorce. Since then we had a half-recycle with a lot of contact - with the explicit boundary that we will never be in a relationship again. She still plays the victim card constantly but I have yet to see a rage or outburst.

I'm frustrated because I can see now what people like my family must have seen when we were together. I understand better why no one believed me that she was hitting me, breaking all of our dishes and smashing the electronics. It seems to completely out of place when all anyone saw was this side of her. Seeing how she presents herself to people outside her familial bubble of rage and hate makes me realize that all the pain I suffered in that marriage will never be fully understood by anyone outside of me. It makes me feel terribly alone.

Maybe one of you out there has felt the same way and we can be not alone, here, in this community.

Funny that you say this.  I actually recorded my ex during one of her only outward rages.  I played it to my best friend and he was shocked.  He never thought she would be capable of what he heard.  It makes it really difficult when others don't understand or believe you.  Luckily in my case I don't have any idea what she is doing and we have no mutual friends.  It makes it much easier.

[Mutt]

I'm frustrated because I can see now what people like my family must have seen when we were together. I understand better why no one believed me that she was hitting me, breaking all of our dishes and smashing the electronics. It seems to completely out of place when all anyone saw was this side of her. Seeing how she presents herself to people outside her familial bubble of rage and hate makes me realize that all the pain I suffered in that marriage will never be fully understood by anyone outside of me. It makes me feel terribly alone.

I know this feeling.

Unfortunately it happens behind closed doors and directed at the SO and children and no one else sees it.

For a period I was trying to convince people of what was wrong with my ex. It's not my job to convince people of what she is.

At the end of that roller-coaster ride from hell, I found people here that understand and I'm grateful to have found this community. That's more than enough for me.

[seeking balance]

Maybe one of you out there has felt the same way and we can be not alone, here, in this community.

You are not alone - most of us tolerated behavior that we cannot believe we did... .the same behaviors that only we saw mainly because by the definition of the disorder - we are the trigger for the poor behavior.

Others may never see the same behavior you experienced - that doesn't mean it wasn't real for you and you certainly are not alone in feeling as if nobody else understands.

Hang in there,

SB

[maxen]

slow motion, you've come to the right place. so many people here have experienced what you have, including me. keep reading around this site.

[Tricky]

Slow motion, you are not alone. There are many people on this site who will have felt everything you are currently feeling. I can guarantee that you will read posts that you will think could have been written by you. Sometimes very spooky!

I feel for you. I remember the deep loneliness that came from thinkng that no one really believed my version of my ex gf's behaviour, and definitely didn't understand the pain. Finding this site was a godsend in dispelling that feeling. We understand and there will always be someone here to share your experiences with.

[santa]

From what I've read, you have to be in a relationship with the person to really see the worst of it. It's not surprising that she didn't seem as awful.

I saw mine a couple of months after the breakup in court and she looked like Hell. She claimed to be happy, but she looked like she had aged 5 years. I looked and felt great just as a result of not having to deal with her everyday. LOL

It occurred to me that maybe her looks hadn't changed at all and that it was my perception of her looks that were different after being away from her for a couple of months. Once you aren't their prisoner anymore, you can see them a little more clearly.