Fed up of having my feelings disregarded.

[Nearlybroken]

I don't think that I could feel any lower.I cannot comprehend why my expwBPD feels it appropriate to speak to me like I am something that he has scraped off his shoe.He texted me last night... .I KNOW I shouldnt have responded but I did ... .probably still in the vain hope that I could write something that would make him see "me" in all of this mess.Of course it started off with him making mild sexual references, which I ignored.Then he started to undermine me in an awful way in respect of our sex life.I asked him if he could please refrain from being so dismissive about every aspect of out relationship.To which I received mocking and derogatory responses.he told me he had been on a date but " I don't know if it is going to work out yet... .she seems nice but all you women seem nice at the start.Hahahahaha.I am not telling you who she is before you start.I will let you know when things get serious".I responded with "I hope you are happy in your new relationship".He responded "much happier than I was with you... .you twisted and exaggarated everything and projected onto me.Then reverse projected.It's nothing to do with you who I date... .why dont you just go out and **** my brothers.You clearly only used me to get at them.I want to meet a nice girl who doesnt get it all so wrong and bring nothing but stress into my life.You are evil".

My response "Sorry you have that view of me.I have always tried to explain things to you in the hope you would see my point of view in all of this.But you are happy now and that's all that matters".

His response came in a flurry of texts... ."I can never forgive you for disagreeing with me,for trying to explain,for nagging me,for bullying me.I am starting with someone new and better.Leave me alone".I did not reply.A later text "Oh, and cheers for pushing me down the hill the other night and laughing as I tumbled  to almost certain death.Bhit" ( those who read my posts will know that he decided to roll away from me the other night in a display I can only label as "insane".

I am fed up of his inablility to have empathy to me, I am fed up that he has forgotten all I did to care for him.I am fed up of his ability to actually undermine how I feel, laugh at my pain.I am so tired by everything that I can't even type this up properly.So much more was said but I do not have the energy to post the details.And I should as this is the only place I feel I can purge how I feel.I am fed up by feeling so sad and having him not even appreciate how I feel.I am just fed up.And I feel aggrieved that he will be showing the good side to this new woman.I know he has pursued her in exactly the same way he has me... .same M.O, same Facebook activity.It just makes me sick.How dare he disregard all I did for him and cast me aside as some inconvenience.What a sick twisted man.  NB.x

PS: what is reverse projection?x

[Turkish]

I am fed up of his inability to have empathy to me, I am fed up that he has forgotten all I did to care for him.I am fed up of his ability to actually undermine how I feel, laugh at my pain.I am so tired by everything that I can't even type this up properly.So much more was said but I do not have the energy to post the details.And I should as this is the only place I feel I can purge how I feel.I am fed up by feeling so sad and having him not even appreciate how I feel.I am just fed up.And I feel aggrieved that he will be showing the good side to this new woman.I know he has pursued her in exactly the same way he has me... .same M.O, same Facebook activity.It just makes me sick.How dare he disregard all I did for him and cast me aside as some inconvenience.What a sick twisted man.  NB.x

PS: what is reverse projection?x

His inability to have empathy "to you" isn't about you, it's him. It is an inability to have empathy, period. It is sick, and it is twisted, and he will live out his own hell again and again. Block the FB if you haven't already. I felt much freer after I did.

Mine says she understands how I feel, but it doesn't play out in her actions. So I count what she says as total BS. Words mean nothing, feelings, little more. Actions demonstrate the true character of a person, or lack thereof. Sick, twisted, no character whatsoever.

[Ironmanrises]

I am fed up of his inability to have empathy to me, I am fed up that he has forgotten all I did to care for him.I am fed up of his ability to actually undermine how I feel, laugh at my pain.I am so tired by everything that I can't even type this up properly.So much more was said but I do not have the energy to post the details.And I should as this is the only place I feel I can purge how I feel.I am fed up by feeling so sad and having him not even appreciate how I feel.I am just fed up.And I feel aggrieved that he will be showing the good side to this new woman.I know he has pursued her in exactly the same way he has me... .same M.O, same Facebook activity.It just makes me sick.How dare he disregard all I did for him and cast me aside as some inconvenience.What a sick twisted man.  NB.x

PS: what is reverse projection?x

His inability to have empathy "to you" isn't about you, it's him. It is an inability to have empathy, period. It is sick, and it is twisted, and he will live out his own hell again and again. Block the FB if you haven't already. I felt much freer after I did.

Mine says she understands how I feel, but it doesn't play out in her actions. So I count what she says as total BS. Words mean nothing, feelings, little more. Actions demonstrate the true character of a person, or lack thereof. Sick, twisted, no character whatsoever.

The contradiction that is the bane of us nons.

[Surnia]

Hi Nearlybroken

So sorry, NB. The message he was sending to you is a direct follow up too the letter you received recently. I think its a important observation that you are still in hope he would see the real you. You get caught with this hope and he can spread his mean words... .

He is completely beyond, he is verbally abusing you. Once you can give up on hope he would see you as you are you will probably not read texts or emails anymore from him.

[heartandwhole]

Nearlybroken,

That is just awful.  I know I'd feel terrible receiving text messages like those.  Please don't put yourself in a position to be disrespected, projected on, hurt, and blamed anymore.  You deserve so much more.

You can do it.  We're here for you.  

[santa]

It's rough. Just remember that you don't have to listen to it or care about anything they think or say.

What gets me is that they can say awful things to you, but if you say any awful things back to them, then you are a terrible person and mean to them.

One thing I've noticed is that they'll say something bad to you. Then, you respond with something bad to them... .only as a response to them. But later, they'll take what you said and use it against you as evidence of how mean you are and completely disregard the fact that they baited you into saying it by saying something bad to you first.

It's impossible to deal with these people.

[musicfan42]

There is a thread on domestic violence in the workshop section that would be very helpful for you to read right now.

Your ex's behavior is very abusive- this dude is just bullying you.

[Perfidy]

NB ... .I completely understand your pain and frustration. You want to love and you want to be loved. You want to be nice to someone that is nice back to you. This is the connection that just about every human wants to feel. What you described in your posts with us here is neither love or nice. What ever it is that you see in this person is a horrible trick that your mind is playing on you. If ever there was something there with the person you described it is gone. You are a good person and you do not deserve to be verbally abused by anybody. Love yourself enough to understand this. In all of the years that I spent dealing with my BPDexgf and of all of the abuse that I took from her I have never found it necessary to speak to her as you have described the way you were spoken to. As a matter of fact, I cannot recall having ever spoken to anyone that I love with words like those... .the sooner that you are complete no contact the better you will begin to feel and you will see how much better off you are without that person in you life. I have been no contact with a female counterpart to your male counterpart for so long now I think I've stopped counting. She was verbally and physically abusive to me. I suffer from irregular mental process as a result of my interaction with her. My choice... Nobody made me do it... The only thing that really makes me feel better is not to have her in my life period. Again... A choice I made. The better choice by far. I was so depressed that earlier this year I was suicidal. It took a couple months for that to pass... Along with a good counsellor and support from the people here. It's been slow but I am getting better. I feel my situation was to the extreme just as almost all here feel about their own. It seems no one can understand unless they have gone through hell like we have... .Family.

[Nearlybroken]

Thank you all for your kind and wise words.I really appreciate you all taking the time to write words of support and give me advice.I am finding it difficult to process what has happened but I am hoping that soon I will be able to pick myself up and start healing.It's just hard when you think that the healing will never happen.What reaaly hurts me the most is that I lost "me"in all of this.I found myself constantly explaining things in a frustratingly calm manner.I only ever reacted angrily once to him.It got to the stage that even when I explain  things as they were rather than as they were presented in his distorted mind, he would blame me for having the correct interpretation and then distort my words or actions into something awful.And it is hard to have someone think you are awful when you are not.And when I was not having my words turned into something dark and sinister ( with no justification) he would accuse me of sarcasm... .ofent citing things like my tone ( which was always calm and monotone), my hand gestures or even on one occassion the fact that I blinked.I mean, who on earth can master the art of a sarcastic blink?I got to the stage where he would say to me "repeat without the sarcasm please" or I had to ask him if I could say something ( to which the response was always "no".It was as if the more logical and sensible I was the more he felt the need to twist me into something irrational and nasty.On one of our last conversations he stated he could never forgive me for disagreeing with him as he could not deal with confrontations.he also  said " our split would have happened anyway" but would not expand on this.Gosh, I am so tired by it all.The criticism, the shouting, the silences, the anger, the put-downs.I try and think that it is not me but I cannot understand why I was so weak as to allow him to do this.I did try and set boundries but they were poor:" Please try not to speak to me like that" was the harshest I got in enforcing a boundary!.Even that was turned into bullying.I have never had anyone tell me to **** off,shut up,go away etc so it's been hard for me to deal with.But I have now accepted that I am a victim of Domestic Violence.Before I thought I was just a partner of someone with BPD and thus such behaviour was to be expected, that as he is disordered this behaviour is par for the course.Is that wrong?BPD is horrible... .NB.x