Total 180º last night

[montanesa]

Oh man. Last night was a tough one. I knew a storm was coming since uBPDh had been sending me texts characteristic of when he's out of it. So, I bought a nice dinner and sent him a message saying we'd have a nice dinner together. He didn't answer.

When he got home, he asked me what I thought about something. Hoping to avoid the "You always limit me! Stop telling me what to do with my life!" that I get if I give a straight yes/no answer, I told him to do whatever he wanted, that it really didn't matter to me.

Oh my gosh, that set him off. About two hours of insanity ensured. I know, "before I can make things better I must stop making it worse." I'm still learning. I had slept five hours the night before and taught 11 hours of classes. Needless to say, I was an exhausted emotional wreck which made things a lot more difficult.

However, after all that mess, after him telling me to change or that he was going to divorce me (eh?), he pulled a near-complete 180. We went for a walk and when he got back, he gave me a hug. He apologized. He ate dinner and was most concerned and apologetic.   He hasn't done this before. I don't know what on earth happened. Of course, he's ok and probably slept well but I'm up at 6 after going to bed very late and I've got 9 hours of class in front of me.

I can't remember the last time he apologized like this or did a 180. Was it the perfect alignment of the moon and the earth (I can't think of much more) or was it something I did right?

He is so good at manipulating me. Two nights ago I ignored him trying to pull me in to protect myself. It looks like it all built up into what happened last night. I was so determined to keep my cool... .

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[zaqsert]

Hi montañesa,

I'm glad to hear that he responded differently this time.

If you've been working on the lessons, which it looks like you have from your prior posts, then it may well be that he is responding to the positive changes you are making.  Keep it up!  It's impossible to say what he will do next time or how long it will take him to learn better approaches.  Either way, the more you work on yourself and what you do, the more it will help him too.

Oh my gosh, that set him off. About two hours of insanity ensured.

While it helps to be aware of what may trigger him, you cannot control his being set off by anything.

About the two hours of insanity, were you involved in the insanity or was he doing it on his own?  If you're not already working on it, this is an area where boundaries can help.