Acknowledgement and pwBPD

[State85]

What’s the big deal with acknowledgement? My uBPDexgf stresses acknowledgement endlessly, when in our r/s and even today. She is a huge proponent of FB. Has 100’s of FB friends that are mostly guys. When we were in the r/s, I did not use FB that much…but the arguments would ensue because I didn’t acknowledge something she did or posted on FB.

Currently, I do not subscribe to her FB newsfeed. Meaning, I do not see what she posts. The only way I can is if I go to her page and look. I will not do that. So, she thinks I am seeing what she is posting. I am LC with her, so I’ll get texts from her bhiting at me cause I didn’t “like” or “comment” on something. I think part of the reason she wants me to look at her FB is to make me jealous with the latest and greatest thing or accomplishment in her life, as well as the acknowledgement.

I’m starting to see now the reason behind this. From reading on this forum, it appears pwBPD have shallow (or none existent) self worth. And being acknowledged makes them feel better about themselves. She would even go so far as to make her cover picture of her in a bikini. One particular time she texted me and said her current status is just a joke. Obviously her motive, to me, was to get me to look. I did…... her status was “I’m not wearing underwear today”.  Who in the h**ll does that?

She also posts a lot of song lyrics as her status. Most of them are sexual in nature. This really got her guy friends to like and comment……she even did this when we were together. Her explanation to me was that she is really into music, and most of what she posts is “bunk”, so it doesn’t mean anything. Whatever.

FB was not the only place she wanted acknowledgement. When we would go out, she would dress the part. Tight fitting dress, barely covering anything. I was told she did it for me…….I’m really doubting that now.

[fromheeltoheal]

Someone with BPD seeks attachments to make themselves whole, since psychologically they don't exist on their own, are a half baked 'self', a consequence of never successfully detaching as a tot.  Plus the main fear for a borderline is that of abandonment.  Facebook provides a lot of cyber-attachment, and spread it around to a whole lot of guys and she's got lots of attachment and not much fear of abandonment since there are so many.  Except you of course, which was a real attachment and therefore more significant.

Another factor is narcissism, and narcissistic personality disorder or traits can coexist with BPD.  Narcissists scream "look at me" and it's all about them, all the time.  Sound familiar?

And of course girls can use their sexuality, a very potent weapon with guys, which can work when she's young, although seeking attraction strictly on physical attributes is pretty pathetic, and mine was still workin that angle at 45, pretty used up and worn out by then.  But hey, if you got it flaunt it I suppose, whatever works to meet them needs sweetheart; there are much higher levels of connection and intimacy available, time for an upgrade.

[Turkish]

Yeah, the lack of self-worth, lack of secure identity. Mine is the Millenial generation age (though an immigrant, she spent her teen and adult years in the US), but her posting of selfies goes beyond the usual Millenial narcisissm. Her older brother, who now in retrospect I am sure has BPD, is constantly posting close up head shot selfies. This is a 35 year old man. M X's posting of them accelerated as she detached. At that point, where I had shut down and was in denial, she was texting me selfies. I wish I'd picked up on her desperate attempt at validation at the time, but it would merely delayed the inevitable script for her "I leave/he leaves."

The sexual obsession, to varying degrees, is an "easy" connection, and can be done with anybody to get that emotional and physical release. After reading up on love addiction/sex addiction, her comments and behaviors over the years fit that to a T. She is pretty modest publicly about that, but behind closed doors... .a whole other animal which belies her pretty, prim and proper facade. Some guys might be turned on by that, but I always felt it jolting and it made me uncomfortable, her switch of identity, in a sense. One of many things I sensed were wrong from almost the very beginning, and one of many red flags I ignored.

[MrFox]

My exBPDgf is a Facebook junkie.  She posts pictures of herself constantly, makes numerous posts about herself in a day, and constantly puts up quotes from famous people to appear smarter then she is.

After we split, she deleted me from her page, yet still makes certain posts public.  They are posts that are designed to hurt me, make me jealous, or trigger memories.  I'm not sure if she still does this but she was up until a month ago, then I stopped looking. 

I did come across this interesting article that does a pretty good job of summing up the social media appeal for pwBPD.

Tara P Shrinks4Men blog.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/social-media-platforms-narcissists-borderlines-and-histrionics-the-lure-of-blogs-facebook-and-myspace/]www.Tara P Shrinks4Men blog.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/social-media-platforms-narcissists-borderlines-and-histrionics-the-lure-of-blogs-facebook-and-myspace/[/url]

[Turkish]

My exBPDgf is a Facebook junkie.  She posts pictures of herself constantly, makes numerous posts about herself in a day, and constantly puts up quotes from famous people to appear smarter then she is.

A friend of mine told me that from the beginning (this was a 6 year r/s), he thought my X thought she was smarter than she was. Ditto the same behavior, in between posts of the kids. i finally got sick of seeing her make the posts about "moving on to better things" "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and other things making out like she was the abused and neglected waif. I finally blocked her because I was sick of seeing it. i am still friends with many of her family, though,

After we split, she deleted me from her page, yet still makes certain posts public.  They are posts that are designed to hurt me, make me jealous, or trigger memories.  I'm not sure if she still does this but she was up until a month ago, then I stopped looking.  

I will occasionally post some "meaninful" quote... .but it's from me reading so much, I don't go looking for things on the web to make myelf look smaaat. Anyone of even casual acquaintance knows that anyway !^) Additionally, I don't post self-validating BS, but more having to do with kids, or life in general. Nothing so obvious as the not-so subtle stuff that refers to her.

I did come across this interesting article that does a pretty good job of summing up the social media appeal for pwBPD.

Tara P Shrinks4Men blog.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/social-media-platforms-narcissists-borderlines-and-histrionics-the-lure-of-blogs-facebook-and-myspace/]www.Tara P Shrinks4Men blog.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/social-media-platforms-narcissists-borderlines-and-histrionics-the-lure-of-blogs-facebook-and-myspace/[/url]

Ha! I should post that on my FB feed... .

[Turkish]

I did come across this interesting article that does a pretty good job of summing up the social media appeal for pwBPD.

Tara P Shrinks4Men blog.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/social-media-platforms-narcissists-borderlines-and-histrionics-the-lure-of-blogs-facebook-and-myspace/]www.Tara P Shrinks4Men blog.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/social-media-platforms-narcissists-borderlines-and-histrionics-the-lure-of-blogs-facebook-and-myspace/[/url]

From the article: Other readers report that their wives, girlfriends and exes spend inordinate amounts of time every day fine tuning their profiles and posting updates in which they portray themselves as busy “super moms/super wives/super martyrs” who single-handedly run their households and take care of their children and husbands. One wonders how they do all of this while spending most of the day online."

I stayed home and took care of the kids all weekend 7-8 mos. ago from Friday night, with her not coming home until Sunday morning. I took care of them (S3, D1), but didn't feel like doing much housework. I just didn't feel like it. It's my house. I did do some laundry and of course cooked for them... .

After she got back, she posted that she didn't feel bad going out because she had to come home and clean and do laundry and such anyway. What she left out is that she was partying at the clubs for two nights straight in the big city. My X is a master at this... .telling the majority of the truth (to be honest in her mind) to get some approval, but she leaves out the more significant 30% which to just about anybody would make her look like a horrible mother and partner. People have no idea of the public gaslighting of which she is a master.

[newlife3]

 

As noted they have no core sense of self and need CONSTANT attention, validation... as narcisisitic and dependent... Social media becomes an obsession for many as it changes pathways in the brain...

Following is an article I read regarding this:


Is Social Media Bad For Your Health?


While there are always a series of media-manufactured concern articles about social media appearing online and in newspapers across the world, few actual medical studies have been conducted that correlate excessive social media use and an increased likelihood of mental illness of other conditions. A new study which is soon to be published in the respected journal Psychological Science has shed some serious light on what many psychology experts have dubbed “Facebook Addiction Disorder”.



Social media has become a ubiquitous part of the modern experience with the vast majority of people having at least one social networking profile. A team of researchers from the Booth Business School in Chicago has put together a fascinating set of data that may raise alarm bells among individuals who spend a significant amount of time on social networking websites.



Their study involved 205 people who were each issued a Blackberry in Wurzburg, Germany. The researchers used an especially broad age range from 18 to 85 and tracked how much the participants wanted to use social media.



The conclusions from the study showed that the desire to participate in social media websites was only outweighed by the desire for sleep and sexual intercourse. While the researchers involved with the study declared that social media websites, in and of themselves, are not dangerous on their own – many people have a problem staying away from them out of a fear of losing out or missing out on important social interaction.



This comes on the back of another study which was conducted by a pediatrician in Boston who coined the term “Facebook depression”. Gwenn O’Keeffe, who led the study, declared that individuals who are already suffering from depression will find their behaviors amplified by the use of social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Seeking approval and avoiding face-to-face interaction were listed as the key reasons why depressed people would turn towards social networking sites.



Larry Rosen, a psychology professor at California State University recently delivered a speech to the American Psychological Association where he highlighted some of his recent research that backed up many of the claims made in recent studies. His research showed that individuals who overuse social networking sites are more likely to be probe to anxiety, depression and an assortment of psychological disorders.



His research also focused on Facebook’s effect on education and the learning process – he indicated that students from middle school, high school and University level who checked Facebook during a 15 minute study period were more likely to receive lower grades.



Setting limits, particularly at a younger age, is key to offset these types of problems. At the same time, he strongly cautions parents not to eliminate their children’s access to social networking sites altogether because they are more likely to simply conduct their social networking activities in a place where they can’t be seen or monitored by parents.



Navigating a vastly different mental landscape than what their parents, or even older siblings had to deal with, can be extremely challenging for teens and young adults. While the use of social networking websites is considered a normal activity by the vast majority of people, it’s important to understand that these sites can exacerbate mental illness when used for the wrong reasons.



The Future of Health Now conducts interviews with experts, such as Whole Foods CEO John Mackey each and every month. To learn more about FOHN and how you can gain access to the world of science-based health & wellness information, click here.



Be Well!

Erai Beckmann


e:

Why You Should Kick Off The Day With a High Protein Breakfast  Why You Should Kick Off The Day With a High Protein Breakfast

One of the biggest misconceptions for many people trying to lose weight is that... .Harvard Calls Out The New US Govt Food Pyramid Replacement “My Plate”  Harvard Calls Out The New US Govt Food Pyramid Replacement “My Plate”

Well the folks over there at Harvard have done it again. They have created a basic... .A Tragic Tale of Death, Blindness & Loss of Limbs... .Blood Sugar Solution Revealed! FREE 60 Page... .  A Tragic Tale of Death, Blindness & Loss of Limbs... .Blood Sugar Solution Revealed! FREE 60 Page... .

Dear FOHN Community member, How is your blood sugar health? Is it Normal… Or Deadly?... .Sleep Deprivation May Alter Your Genes  Sleep Deprivation May Alter Your Genes

A recent study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences has... .Chocolate - Eat It & Be Healthy?  Chocolate - Eat It & Be Healthy?

Can you really eat one of the most delicious and pleasurable foods and do so guilt... .Introducing The Future of Yoga... NOW! With Michael Harris Watch this interview with Michael and... .  Introducing The Future of Yoga... NOW! With Michael Harris Watch this interview with Michael and... .

Erai Beckmann host and founder here of www.TheFutureofHealthNow.com introduces Michael... .[ what's this ] Leave a Comment

Click here to cancel reply.

Name (required)

Email (will not be published) (required)

Website


Leave this field empty

 

  CAPTCHA Code*

   


. 

Popular TopicsFitness (2)

FOHN TV (21)

Health (27)

Infographics (13)

Interviews (9)

Nutrition (73)

On Our Radar (42)

Performance (26)

Politics (24)

Science (65)

Weight Loss (18)

Recent Comments Tim Manning: First you say Magnesium Infusion is everything one could ever need. Then you come out with Oceans Alive and now …… Tim Manning: I am currently taking Athletic Greens Super food Cocktail by Athletic Greens from Chris "the kiwi". Could the FOHN team …… Jesse Martinez: Hello, your article on vacuum cleaners affecting our health - especially for babies was very alarming. Is there a list …… lungthao kamei: very important article. thank you so much … sister catherine: hi there, ok usefule helpful info. please inform as to what vacuums tested, what vacuums are recommended, any demos …… Ed Nelson: Recent studies are showing that the more allergens (mold spores, animals, dirt in general) that babies and young children are …… Victoria: Long Live the Bias of Researchers! LOL I agree, more forensic evidence and support is needed before this can ……Like us on FacebookMost PopularDefeating MS With The Paleo Diet 33 comments

Hippocrates or Hypocrisy? 28 comments

3 Reasons Japanese Women Don’t Get Fat Or Old 22 comments

Fast Weight Loss: Willpower May Not Be The Problem 22 comments

Three Reasons why your diet is failing you 19 comments

[INFOGRAPHIC] GMO's: Who Supports What? 17 comments

Interview: Dr. Isaac Jones and the Future of Health & Wellness 14 comments

Autism Caused By Vaccines? 14 comments

Brain Implants... .the Future of Health? 11 comments

[INFOGRAPHIC] Nursing Your Sweet Tooth 10 comments

 

 

   

Copyright © 2011 - 2013 — The Future of Health Now. All Rights Reserved.

Terms of Service | Privacy Policy Share

AOL MailDeliciousDiggDiigoEmailEvernoteFacebookfoursquareGmailGoogle PlusHotmailHyvesInstapaperLinkedInLiveJournalMail.ruNetlogPinterestPocketPrintPrintfriendlyRedditSonicoStumbleTumblrTwitterVkontakteWeiboXingYahoo MailYammerNo match found.More Ad Choices

[RecycledNoMore]

My exBPDgf is a Facebook junkie.  She posts pictures of herself constantly, makes numerous posts about herself in a day, and constantly puts up quotes from famous people to appear smarter then she is.

After we split, she deleted me from her page, yet still makes certain posts public.  They are posts that are designed to hurt me, make me jealous, or trigger memories.  I'm not sure if she still does this but she was up until a month ago, then I stopped looking. 

I did come across this interesting article that does a pretty good job of summing up the social media appeal for pwBPD.

Tara P Shrinks4Men blog.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/social-media-platforms-narcissists-borderlines-and-histrionics-the-lure-of-blogs-facebook-and-myspace/]www.Tara P Shrinks4Men blog.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/social-media-platforms-narcissists-borderlines-and-histrionics-the-lure-of-blogs-facebook-and-myspace/[/url]

[/quote

The ex posted our song and a photo of him outside my house, a website about how stepfathers miss there step kids, the photo is the only real one there all the rest are pics of dragon ball z, a cartoon ( hes 30!), I almost responded, I wanted to, but then I remembered he used fb to have LDRs with girls all over the country.

[damage control]

My ex doesn't use FB, but dating sites to do this stuff. He will have several women going at once who he then gets to reveal email, phone/skype details.

I watched him immediately after he dumped me and even though he had my replacement ready to go (that night), he kept up with 2/3 other women he had lured in the previous week as well ... stringing all along with the same/similar emails.

His dating profile is extremely narcissistic and is actually full of things I suggested (as a joke) and have said to him and I am sure that there is stuff from others as well... .he prides himself on being 'literate and intelligent' as well as a feminist (yeah ... he believes that) and so his profile is like candy to women looking for someone who has more going on than 'love camping, fishing, football' ...

In other words, he uses dating sites validation and to relieve boredom and to reassure himself that he has someone lined up ...