Happy New... wait...

[LostInWonderland]

Agh. New Years was okay until we got home. yes, we are both sober. we dont drink often. anyways... . my uBPDfiance raged tonight. over sex. which is the "usual" case for full blown rages. he ended up going to the couch, on his own -- as usual. its his version of a hissy fit, i guess. he came back after he "came down" but continued to the next phase of pity me/self loathing/its your fault. Needless to say, because of another exhausting fit of his, it leaves me doubting if I can do this -- forever. I feel lost, empty but still at the same time... . in love. Short post, but I am exhausted.


Happy New Year, everyone. Hope you had a better one than me... .

[Grissum69]

I understand you, have been there before... .    My ex left me the week before Christmas, and tonight at new years I couldn't help but think of her.    I've done a lot research on BPD and talk occasionally with others who have it so I can get a better understanding from them.   Yeah I miss her like crazy but I'm not going to lose myself in the process anymore.  You can do the same should you choose to, it will be hard but with time you can get through it.   Happy New year   

[LostInWonderland]

Thank you, hun. 

[heartandwhole]

Happy New Year, Lost!   

I'm sorry it wasn't great for you and your partner.  No wonder you are exhausted, it's really tiring to have to deal with rages, needs, and blame – all in one night!  We're here for you and we're listening.

I feel lost, empty but still at the same time... . in love.

We are complex beings, no doubt... . and yet, putting these feelings all in the same sentence really struck me. 

[Seneca]

Lost, I recommend popping over to the "staying" board if you don't spend any time there. After you read a few stories of what its like to be married to a BPD spouse for 20 or 30 years, it might make you think twice. Scared me straight!

Keep digging and listening to your gut. i should have listened to mine 11 years ago... .

[maxsterling]

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.  All you wanted was a "happy" new year, and you got that.

My girlfriend said her new years' resolution was to be "nicer" to people. 

Yesterday, she asked me if she was mean to me when she first moved in.   Umm - she had to ask?  And still no "I'm sorry for the way I treated you". 

If she truly wants to be nicer to people, she has a LOONG road to go.

[SweetCharlotte]

I had three experiences like this during my engagement to my uBPDh. He was showing me his true colors. Each one was a definite prelude to a behavior that has shown up sporadically and in worse form than before we married.

By all means check out the Staying Board. I've noticed that many men there were blind-sided by BPD behavior that began after marriage. High-functioning women wBPD can remain in the idealization/mirroring phase that long. However, males with BPD start raging away during the engagement. It's very hard to get a woman to break off with her fiancé.

I called off the wedding after the third episode, but then I married him in a smaller ceremony with close family only. That seemed to put him more at ease. I was still reeling and not fully aware of what lay ahead. However, it has been two steps forward and one step back most of the way. I do feel that we are heading for a situation of greater stability and mutual understanding and that we love each other now more than ever.