RedRojo
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 8
|
![](https://www.bpdfamily.com/message_board/Themes/default/images/post/xx.gif) |
« on: January 02, 2014, 07:48:33 AM » |
|
I've been with my dBPDw for 9 months, the last 3 we have been married.
I want to talk about BPD with her, to understand what she thinks about it, and to discuss whether she thinks she would benefit from getting treatment. However I have no idea how to do this.
Without going into the detail of my intro post, our relationship has gone through the usual idealisation followed by devaluation stages, and she now has regular (3 times a week) bouts of rage. Needless to say, I’m finding it extremely difficult to cope with.
A few weeks ago, we had a very unpleasant and upsetting argument (for both of us). The next day (whilst she was still coming out of it), she told me that she had been diagnosed with BPD a few years ago. I’d not heard of it until then. I read a small amount about it and asked her if she thought she had it. She shrugged and said 'it's a label, they'll label you with anything'. I didn’t press further as we were still recovering from the very ugly argument the night before.
Since then I have read more and more, and feel like I am starting to understand it in a bit more detail (this website has been a massive help). I am much better already at coping with the things she says to me, and avoiding the worst of these moments. We still have big arguments though, and she still has a huge amount control over my life, to the point that I am upset/unhappy the majority of the time.
We are now expecting our first child (neither of us have any previous children). I am deeply concerned that she will respond to the child in the same way she does to me, or when something has upset her. Whilst I am old enough to cope emotionally, a young child certainly won’t be.
I feel that the right thing to do is to discuss it with her. I also think she should think about getting treatment, but I know this needs to be her decision. But I have absolutely no idea how to bring it up with her. I can almost guarantee that if I were to mention it, she would fly into rage, fail to recognise what I am saying, and will leave the room followed by giving me the silent treatment.
I’ve thought whether I should mention it in the middle of a rage, as it will inevitably end up there anyway, so best to get it out when the damage is already there. Or should I do it when she is calm and in a good mood – but knowing full well that it will escalate to rage instantly, in the hope that she will be willing to discuss once she has calmed down.
Can anyone give me any advice, or share a previus experience? Is there a good time/way to discuss it with her?
|