it's a puzzle and my mind is still trying to make the pieces fit

[caughtnreleased]

It's been a year NC.  But every so often, I get these thoughts about him.  Like he gave me some pieces of the puzzle, but not all, and I'm still trying to make some of these pieces match.  Last night, my mind was working again to get some pieces to fit and it occurred to me that he was likely bisexual... .   he had a friend who he said was bisexual, with whom he was very close to and at some point was living with (when he was in between places) and sharing a bed (this guy was his go to guy for a lot of stuff and I was so relieved that he had this guy, because it meant I didn't have to shoulder all the crises).  So maybe he was cheating on me with a man? Which actually doesn't really affect me.

Why does my mind go to these places? It's like suddenly it says "hey: look how well piece A fits with piece B" and now my mind says: his life is a sham, including his new marriage and martha stewart wife, and maybe the whole time, his real "SO" is this guy... . ooh boy! I have enough distance for it not to disturb me, but it's like his off the charts crazy really is a challenge that my mind wants to understand.   If its the truth his "boyfriend" was a major, MAJOR enabler. And that's the part that makes me mad. yikes! 

[seeking balance]

Congrats on a year to yourself for the dust to settle!

Sounds like you are processing still - that can certainly bring up anger... . it did for me definitely.

The human mind does try to make sense of things, there will be a point where is will slow down and you will just accept it is over and chalk up the lesson learned.

Peace,

SB