Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
July 04, 2024, 04:46:21 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.
Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
222
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Shot myself in the foot
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Shot myself in the foot (Read 432 times)
Cardinals in Flight
formerly NurseRatchet
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 652
Shot myself in the foot
«
on:
January 08, 2014, 09:45:00 AM »
Hello all in PI
I decided to post here because I really had made progress in detaching in my rs with the XpwBPDgf, until I hadn't.
The holidays were rough, the final spiral for us started couple of months ago prior to my birthday. I finally said I was done because I was in the midst of he umpteenth silent treatment spread over a three year period. She wrote back to me several days later as if she were in the drivers seat and basically denied the past few years. Have been steady NC.
This weekend I was out in the grocery store of all places, store was packed with shoppers preparing for a storm, and I was completely overwhelmed with memories and I texted, OMG, I'm such the emotional cutter! She did reply a bit later to ask where I was, (purely to satisfy her no doubt), and that was it.
Next day, I very unexpectedly saw her and it was devestating to me, like seeing a complete stranger. It was my neighborhood, public event, but I never expected to run into her. I avoid her turf like the plague. She was not going to speak, but I did say hi, she feigned surprise, with 'oh hi'. No contact since.
Yesterday I took the time to really sit with my emotions, really dig deep for what was there. I do love this woman still, I suppose I always will, but at the same time, I was disgusted by this sighting of her and the havoc I allowed her to spread throughout my life.
I guess my point is, compared to when I first came here in Dec. 2011, I've learned a whole lot and made some progress. My core wounds were ripped open with this woman and for the first time in my entire life, someone made me feel like the princess I truly am
. Seriously, in the beginning, I did feel unconditionally loved for the first time, sucked it up like a dry sponge.
I think I'm a little bit stronger, I thought on Sunday that I was set back irrepairably, but I feel back on track and for me it's progress.
Hang in there folks, I think there really is light at the end of the tunnel, just gotta get into the tunnel alone to find it.
CiF
Logged
Learning_curve74
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1333
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #1 on:
January 08, 2014, 04:33:57 PM »
Hey CiF, it sounds like you are making some progress. If you re-read your post, I think you might even find it inspiring.
It sounds like you are learning, healing, and growing.
Logged
an0ught
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #2 on:
January 09, 2014, 03:22:57 PM »
I think emotional invulnerability is an impossible goal. Not even worth reaching considering the side effects that certainly would accompany that.
It is more about emotional resilience. And it sounds you are doing well on that side
Logged
Writing is self validation. Writing on bpdfamily is self validation squared!
seeking balance
Retired Staff
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 7146
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #3 on:
January 09, 2014, 03:46:14 PM »
You have come a long way CIF - see the positive in the event, because it is there.
Peace,
SB
Logged
Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
Cardinals in Flight
formerly NurseRatchet
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 652
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #4 on:
January 10, 2014, 07:55:08 PM »
Well, as far as the entire week has gone, to give it one word?
DOOZY
There's been a major crisis here where I live, many many people affected. Anyway, long story short, I reached out saying I hoped all was managable. She has a HUGE responsibilty, which was also a good deal of pressure/stress causing her to stay ramped up, spiral etc. Today I got a "knight in shinning armor" type visit. It was awkward, we were both nervous, it did not last long, I was appropriately appreciative.
Big deep breath here. I am numb, however, I could not gage her at all, she was emotionless in her appearence. I tried to be and think I did well.
I don't believe this will continue though as there seemed zero connection, which is fine to me. As much as Sunday put me down, I'm relieved to not feel that rush of emotion now.
Sigh :'(
Trying to see this as good stuff, to show me I can handle it, I can trust me, I did not break down and cry, which is what I feared when I got the five minute warning shot.
I think I can return to NC and be ok with that, it's always been hardest for me, she's excellent at it, LOL
CiF
Logged
Cardinals in Flight
formerly NurseRatchet
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 652
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #5 on:
January 10, 2014, 07:56:48 PM »
Quote from: seeking balance on January 09, 2014, 03:46:14 PM
You have come a long way CIF - see the positive in the event, because it is there.
Peace,
SB
Quote from: an0ught on January 09, 2014, 03:22:57 PM
I think emotional invulnerability is an impossible goal. Not even worth reaching considering the side effects that certainly would accompany that.
It is more about emotional resilience. And it sounds you are doing well on that side
Quote from: learning_curve74 on January 08, 2014, 04:33:57 PM
Hey CiF, it sounds like you are making some progress. If you re-read your post, I think you might even find it inspiring.
It sounds like you are learning, healing, and growing.
Thank you all so much.
Logged
Cardinals in Flight
formerly NurseRatchet
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 652
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #6 on:
February 12, 2014, 06:35:01 PM »
Is it possible to be in the midst of a limited/standoffish/behind the electric fence sort of recyce?
I know history repeats itself, I'm more detached and going on about my business. I am stunned, not sure why though after reading so much here over the past two years. It's not my nature to ignore, but this time I'm playing the part of the feral cat.
Is this a set back? I'm not deluding myself that anything has changed, nothing has... . sigh
CiF
Logged
heartandwhole
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3592
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #7 on:
February 13, 2014, 07:57:18 AM »
What's happening, CIF?
Logged
When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
Katy-Did
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 228
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #8 on:
February 13, 2014, 10:03:39 AM »
"CiF"--Yes, I believe recycling takes on many forms and is often initiated by happenstance encounters. You reference being "more detached" but "stunned"; and playing the part of "the feral cat" (I love that comparison!) From what you've shared (and NOT shared), perhaps your X is "sniffing out" your boundaries in a somewhat benign manner---then again, perhaps not. The focus for those of us in a place of NC/LC is to maintain our boundaries and reflect/work upon our own well-being.
"Emotional resilience"... . what a challenge!
Take care... .
Logged
Cardinals in Flight
formerly NurseRatchet
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 652
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #9 on:
February 13, 2014, 09:35:07 PM »
I'd like to think of myself as resilient.
I'm trying not to read between any lines, trying to tell myself none of the contact (limited, not daily, sporadic) has anything to do with me, at least not in the way I would wish.
Chump? ever look that up? my picture is there, LOL
I know how this story ends, its a rerun
CiF
Logged
seeking balance
Retired Staff
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 7146
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #10 on:
February 13, 2014, 10:32:50 PM »
Quote from: Cardinals in Flight on February 13, 2014, 09:35:07 PM
I'd like to think of myself as resilient.
I'm trying not to read between any lines, trying to tell myself none of the contact (limited, not daily, sporadic) has anything to do with me, at least not in the way I would wish.
Chump? ever look that up? my picture is there, LOL
I know how this story ends, its a rerun
CiF
I dunno, why does it have to end the same way... . if you have zero expectations... . radical acceptance and boundaries, why not a limited, sporadic version of a friendship?
Logged
Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
Cardinals in Flight
formerly NurseRatchet
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 652
Re: Shot myself in the foot
«
Reply #11 on:
February 14, 2014, 08:23:29 AM »
Honestly? I don't like her very much right now. I get how she is, I can line up in my head how she does others, her very few friends, it's not great, it's very sporadic for sure!
If I can not allow my emotions in, and let my reason mind keep me straight, (snort ) I can almost remain detached. NC is definitely the way to go because I was starting to feel better and the FOG was lessening. It was hard, I missed her presence in my life, but now I realize it was just a space with no substance. I want more, it won't happen with her.
CiF
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Shot myself in the foot
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...