more clarity everyday

[sun seeker]

    Never knew what out of the fog meant. Everyday there are ahh has moments now.  I think back on the r/s, im like now I see how her behavior change when she was cheating. And how he behavior changed when she was splitting me black and white, or recycling. I was blind to all this beforeIm still N/C almost 7 weeks & pray she doesnt just show up st my house. That's the only way she can contact me now. The clarity feels amazing. I know I still have a long road ahead but its alot smoother.



What does it mean when a BPDer is mirroring? ¿

  Knowledge is power!

[irishmarmot]

Hi, read your post and I'm seeing the same things also.  Every weekend she was seeing my replacement she would paint me black .  Then in the last month she started enjoying sports and drinking which she never did at the start.  Thats how I knew she was cheating.   I am at day 5 of NC have her blocked and just waiting for the pain to subside.

[MellowOddFellow]

i think the concept of mirroring is that they project their flaws, fears and guilt on to you, its a way to cope with their own pain, issues and suffering, a much easier way to them rather than "deal" with it, which is unthinkable to them. they simply lack the ability to hence they are BPD, a diagnoses ONLY themselves can get away from if they put their all in.

[Learning_curve74]

A person with BPD typically suffers from deep painful feelings of emptiness. They lack a feeling of stable identity and often describe themselves as not knowing who they are.

Due to the emptiness and feeling like they don't have a stable identity, they pick up on the people around them and often mirror their traits and habits to fulfill their need for a complete persona. You know how initially you may have felt like you met your soulmate because you really connected with your pwBPD? That's because she was mirroring your own interests, habits, and traits back at you, so you were attracted to the best parts of yourself being mirrored back to you. It's no wonder you get smitten and feel so connected!

Mirroring isn't just a BPD thing, we all tend to do it to a certain extent. This can be especially true at the start of any relationship as we are looking for connections with the other person. Mirroring shows we are interested and like the other person.

When they start to get interested in another person, then they start to pick up on mirroring the other person and you get sent to the doghouse. The new person is so much more interesting and so much more like her (because she is mirroring him), that she doesn't see what attracted her to you in the first place anymore. You are no longer the perfect host to attach to.