What Songs? Everything has changed

[kay62105]

Being in a relationship with a person with BPD has made me pay more attention to detail on many different things and on many different levels.

One thing I noticed is how certain songs and certain lyrics affect me these days.  Songs I've heard a million times and now they take on a completely new meaning for me or I finally understand what they are about/relate to them. Many, many different songs... . and so many of them I'm like, wait a second... . That sounds like me, that sounds like my relationship, that sounds like my boyfriend, that sounds like someone with BPD, that sounds like they met someone who has BPD... .

Maybe I'm over-analyzing, or maybe it's that I just relate to things differently now.

Has this happened to anyone else? What song(s) has changed to you? What song(s) do you relate to the most?

[PaulaJeanne]

"Wrecking Ball"... . Miley Cyrus

[Seneca]

'suite judy blue eyes' crosby stills and nash

'not my cross to bear' allman brothers band

[In_n_Out]

Yeah, so working out tonight I had "Smashing Pumpkins" on my ipod.  "Safe" music, or so I thought.  This one came on and got me a bit emotional during the workout:

"This Time"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB20yNfLH1g

This time I need to know

I really must be told

If it's over

It's up to you to know

The things you want to hold

Are in pieces

Crashing down

Crashing down again

Crashing down

Crashing down my friends

I've got to move it on

I've got to sing my song

While I still can

Dispatch the last alarms

Hand out the last few charms

There's no surprises

Only love

Only love can win

Crashing down

Crashing down again

Only love

Yeah only love will win

Crashing down

Crashing down again

This time I need to know

I really must be told

That it's over

I've lived my life alone

My every step foretold

To never linger

And yet it haunts me so

What are we letting go

Our spell is broken

Crashing down

Crashing down my friends

Crashing down

Crashing down again

Only love

Yeah only love will

Be enough

Yeah only love will win

For every chemical

You trade a piece of your soul

With no return

And who you think you know

Doesn't know you at all

Their drain is needless

Someday we'll wave hello

And wish we'd never waved goodbye

To this romance

We'll drink up every line

And shoot up every word

Till there's no more

Crashing down

Crashing down my friends

Only love

Only love can win

So cry these tears we'll cry as all

We've held so long to fall apart

As the curtain falls we bid you all goodnight

And "Fix You" by Coldplay will bring me to tears every time:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY9b6jgbNyc

Actually, anything from Coldplay will do it; that was her favorite and I discovered them through her.

[thicker skin]

There ain't no pleasin you by Chaz and Dave... . A really, really cheesy choon, but perfectly sums it up for me :-)

[kay62105]

The new song by John Legend hit home for me:


All of me:

What would I do without your smart mouth

Drawing me in, and you kicking me out

You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down

What's going on in that beautiful mind

I'm on your magical mystery ride

And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright


My head's under water

But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh


How many times do I have to tell you

Even when you're crying you're beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood

You're my downfall, you're my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

My head's under water

But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind


'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

Give me all of you

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts

Risking it all, though it's hard


'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

[almosthadme]

"Wrecking Ball"... . Miley Cyrus

One of the many songs my exBPDgf would post on social media directed at me.

Here is my favorite

"Vilify" by Device

As you vilify, every single move that I make

And try to bind me in your insanity

You'll come to know

That you never had control from the onset

Go find another lap dog, facker

Your need to clarify

Every single word that I say

Has left me wrestling with our disparity

Leave me alone

Take another wretched soul on the hell-ride

Go find a more susceptible sucker

I can't believe this is happening

I don't wanna start over again

A stone I keep falling over again, and again, and again

When you vilify

You begin to nullify, everything that we've ever done

You're facking with my head

As you vilify all I've ever given

I don't wanna fall apart anymore

I wanna end it right now

When you vilify, I start to ponder every battle ever fought

Every thought, imploding in my head

If you vilify, it's a bitter pill that I will force you to devour

Enough, why don't we end it right now?

I've had my fill, and I think I've had enough.

When you open your mouth, every word incenses me

Don't wanna know, why your every waking moment

Revolves around, criticizing every part of me

Another bill, the number cannot be defined

For the blood and the soul, that had to flow incessantly

Fack you all

And let every minute be a reminder of

How you let it all come crashing down

I can't believe this is happening

I don't wanna start over again

A stone I keep falling over again, and again, and again

When you vilify

You begin to nullify, everything that we've ever done

You're facking with my head

As you vilify all I've ever given

I don't wanna fall apart anymore

I wanna end it right now

When you vilify, I start to ponder every battle ever fought

Every thought, imploding in my head

If you vilify, it's a bitter pill that I will force you to devour

Enough, why don't we end it right now?

And when you're broken, and bitter inside

And reality sucks, because you know I'm right

All over nothing, unforgiving inside

Well doesn't it suck, just to know I'm right?

When you vilify

You begin to nullify, everything that we've ever done

You're facking with my head

As you vilify all I've ever given

I don't wanna fall apart anymore

I wanna end it right now

When you vilify, I start to ponder every battle ever fought

Every thought, imploding in my head

If you vilify, it's a bitter pill that I will force you to devour

Enough, why don't we end it right now?

[x2]

[Cloudy Days]

I have an entire play list of songs that I listen to when I need some healing or just a little Validation. It really helps, hearing someone else explain how you feel, I could probably list a ton of songs but I will go with the ones that really hit home.

Love the way you lie- Eminem and Rihanna

Breakdown-Seether

Say Something-Christina Aguilera and a great big world

Side Effects- Mariah Carey

Stronger Than I was- Eminem

[raytamtay3]

Christina Perri's new song Human.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gugUpIOdSro

[PaulaJeanne]

Hey ray, my dBPDd20's favorite song is human by christina perry.

[Kifazes]

MUSE - Our time is running out


I think I'm drowning

Asphyxiated

I wanna break this spell

That you've created

You're something beautiful

A contradiction

I wanna play the game

I want the friction

You will be the death of me

You will be the death of me

Bury it

I won't let you bury it

I won' tlet you smother it

I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out

Our time is running out

You can't push it underground

You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom

Bound and restricted

I tried to give you up

But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation

You'd never dream of

Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it

I won't let you bury it

I won't let you smother it

I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out

Our time is running out

You can't push it underground

You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?


And

Soul Asylum - Runaway train


Call you up in the middle of the night

Like a firefly without a light

You were there like a slow torch burning

I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep

So many secrets I couldn't keep

Promised myself I wouldn't weep

One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now

I'm in too deep

There's no way out

This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back

Wrong way on a one way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile

Make it somehow all seem worthwhile

How on earth did I get so jaded

Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go

I know what no one else knows

Here I 'm just drowning in the rain

With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry

Day and night, earth and sky

Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train never going back

Wrong way on a one way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train

Like a madman laughing at the rain

Little out of touch, little insane

Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never coming back

Wrong way on a one way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train never coming back

Runaway train tearing up the track

Runaway train burning in my veins

Runaway but it always seems the same

[BorisAcusio]

Cat Stevens - Trouble

Trouble

Oh trouble set me free

I have seen your face

And it's too much too much for me

Trouble

Oh trouble can't you see

You're eating my heart away

And there's nothing much left of me

I've drunk your wine

You have made your world mine

So won't you be fair

So won't you be fair

I don't want no more of you

So won't you be kind to me

Just let me go where

I'll have to go there

Trouble

Oh trouble move away

I have seen your face

and it's too much for me today

Trouble

Oh trouble can't you see

You have made me a wreck

Now won't you leave me in my misery

I've seen your eyes

and I can see death's disguise

Hangin' on me

Hangin' on me

I'm beat, I'm torn

Shattered and tossed and worn

Too shocking to see

Too shocking to see

Trouble

Oh trouble move from me

I have paid my debt

Now won't you leave me in my misery

Trouble

Oh trouble please be kind

I don't want no fight

And I haven't got a lot of time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T27IMxQ7LeI

[DiamondSW]

"Borderline" (Madonna) ... . 'feels like I'm going to lose my mind, you just keep on pushing my love over the borderline'... .

pushed my love straight into A & E... .    

god, I should use the  :'( symbol

[mywifecrazy]

Fleetwood Mac-Lies

"Tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies"

[btechpc]

Buckcherry - Crazy Bhit

This about sums it up.

[willtimeheal]

I 95 song. Defines BPD to a tee

[Cloudy Days]

Wanted to add this song, it's a song that I think would trigger my husband if he heard it. It's called Trigger Happy Jack by POE. "You can't talk to a phyco like a normal human being". But seriously when I heard this song I said, she must be talking about BPD.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z8NP0eI4Og

[Love Is Not Enough]

As my namesake says:

The more that we take

The paler we get

I can't remember what it is

We try to forget

The tile on the floor

So cold it can sting

In your eyes is a place

Worth remembering

For you to go and take this and smash it apart

I've gone all this f@#%ing way

To wind up back at

Back at the start

Hey, the closer we think we are

Well it only got us so far

Now you got anything left to show

No no I didn't think so

Hey, the sooner we realize

We cover ourselves with lies

But underneath we're not so tough

And love is not enough

Well it hides in the dark

Like the withering vein

We didn't give it a mouth

So it cannot complain

It never really had a chance

We'd never really make it through

I never think I'd believed

I believed I could get better with you

  - Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails

I listen to way too much NIN. In fact it is all I have listened to since my divorce. That was 5 years ago. Reznor strikes me as a NPD sort of a fellow and I am sure he has had many run ins with pwBPD. Many of his lyrics about relationships and women seem to point to that dynamic. Of course most people think of the Downward Spiral and it's core theme of depression, but it has such a deeper meaning to me now. Even though he has matured since his first album, he still deals with similar relationship issues in his latest album.

The lyric about lies in this song speaks to me particularly because of the all the lies told to me by my gf in the beginning and then all the lies I told to myself to believe them. All those   I chose to ignore or minimize. But in the end it makes me realize that we are both just broken people who need help.

[kay62105]

The lyric about lies in this song speaks to me particularly because of the all the lies told to me by my gf in the beginning and then all the lies I told to myself to believe them. All those   I chose to ignore or minimize. But in the end it makes me realize that we are both just broken people who need help.

So well said and exactly what I am dealing with.  Thank you for sharing and great song pick! I can't think about NIN without thinking about "closer" stupid radio, looks like I need to venture in a little further with them than I've dabbled.

[PaulaJeanne]

I just heard "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park. The song came out in 2003, the year before I separated from my nBPDH (only temporarily). I used to hear that song and PRAY that he would recognize himself in the lyrics.

Forget about it... . he only listens to Pink Floyd (Comfortably numb)... .

[Love Is Not Enough]

The lyric about lies in this song speaks to me particularly because of the all the lies told to me by my gf in the beginning and then all the lies I told to myself to believe them. All those   I chose to ignore or minimize. But in the end it makes me realize that we are both just broken people who need help.

So well said and exactly what I am dealing with.  Thank you for sharing and great song pick! I can't think about NIN without thinking about "closer" stupid radio, looks like I need to venture in a little further with them than I've dabbled.

You're welcome! Just be careful. The stuff can drag you down depending on where you are at with things. Lately it has just been helping me reflect on things in a less negative way. Yeah, alot of people look at Closer as a frat boy party anthem, but if you look closely at the lyrics there is a much deeper meaning. The suicidal character of the album is in a great deal of pain and using sex as an escape while dragging the partner along for the ride. Definitely take a look at their other stuff if the sound appeals to you. You will see a lot of interesting things with your new BPD colored glasses   

[itsnotme567]

Here is a song that's been I'm my head the last couple of weeks

Maybe trying to find the meaning in a song takes mind off of trying to figure out my wife

"Its all over now baby blue"

Bob Dylan

You must leave now, take what you need, you think will last

But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast

Yonder stands your orphan with his gun

Crying like a fire in the sun

Look out the saints are comin’ through

And it’s all over now, Baby Blue

The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense

Take what you have gathered from coincidence

The empty-handed painter from your streets

Is drawing crazy patterns on your sheets

This sky, too, is folding under you

And it’s all over now, Baby Blue

All your seasick sailors, they are rowing home

All your reindeer armies, are all going home

The lover who just walked out your door

Has taken all his blankets from the floor

The carpet, too, is moving under you

And it’s all over now, Baby Blue

Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you

Forget the dead you’ve left, they will not follow you

The vagabond who’s rapping at your door

Is standing in the clothes that you once wore

Strike another match, go start anew

And it’s all over now, Baby Blue

Copyright © 1965 by Warner Bros. Inc.; renewed 1993 by Special Rider Music

[mywifecrazy]

Lunatic Fringe by Red Rider 1980's song

[JaySea]

Lately, I come to this board to read other's posts to gain perspective, or to to a "reality check".  Lately, I've been thinking about how often music I hear speaks to me.  It often seems to speak of my uBPDw, myself, or about our relationship.  So I thought, maybe I should try posting something to this board.  Imagine... . I've found that someone else already has. :-)  So, I'll add something to contribute.

After 22 years of marriage to my uBPDw, this song about sums up where I feel right now... .

"A Place for My Head" by Linkin Park

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBcOoW9QgH4

Lyrics:

I watch how the moon sits in the sky on a dark night

Shining with the light from the sun

But the sun doesn't give the light to the moon assuming,

The moon's gonna owe it one

It makes me think of how you act to me

You do favors then rapidly

You just turn around and start asking me,

About things that you want back from me

I'm so sick of the tension

Sick of the hunger

Sick of you acting like I owe you this

Find another place to feed your greed

While I find a place to rest

I wanna be in another place

I hate when you say you don't understand

(You'll see it's not meant to be)

I wanna be in the energy

Not with the enemy

A place for my head

Maybe some day I'll be just like you and

Step on people like you do

Run away all the people I thought I knew

I remember back then who you were

You used to be calm used to be strong

Used to be generous but you shouldve known

That you'd wear out your welcome

now you see how quiet it is all alone

I'm so sick of the tension

Sick of the hunger

Sick of you acting like I owe you this

Find another place to feed your greed

While I find a place to rest

I'm so sick of the tension

Sick of the hunger

Sick of you acting like I owe you this

Find another place to feed your greed

While I find a place to rest

I wanna be in another place

I hate when you say you don't understand

(You'll see it's not meant to be)

I wanna be in the energy

Not with the enemy

A place for my head

You try to take the best of me, go away

You try to take the best of me, go away

You try to take the best of me, go away

You try to take the best of me, GO AWAY


YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME

GO AWAY, YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME

GO AWAY, YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME

GO AWAY, YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME

GO AWAY!

I wanna be in another place

I hate when you say you don't understand

(You'll see it's not meant to be)

I wanna be in the energy

Not with the enemy

A place for my head

I'm so sick of the tension

Sick of the hunger

Sick of you acting like I owe you this

Find another place to feed your greed

While I find a place to rest

I'm so sick of the tension

Sick of the hunger

Sick of you acting like I owe you this

Find another place to feed your greed

While I find a place to rest

-------

I'm interested to know what songs make an inpact on others in my situation.

JaySea

[Kifazes]

When I was younger I used to listen to Eminem. Today I found one of his CD's again, with a lyric that made me laugh, because it reminded me of my BPDbf :-)

You're just jealous of me

cause you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it

You walk around and say

all kinds of really mean things

about me, cause you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only because you're

just really jealous of me

Cause I'm what you want to be

So you just look like an idiot

when you say these mean things

Cause it's too easy to see

you're really just a big weenie, big weenie

Not really mature, I know, but I laughed harder then I had in a large amount of time :-)

[Cloudy Days]

Haha... . My Husband loves Eminem and he has a lot of music that mirrors BPD behavior, I think it's why my husband likes him so much. I actually watched a documentary on Eminem and I think his wife Kim was BPD or something like it. She played some mind games with him and was just kind of crazy. 

His song Brain Damage is my husband's anthem, because he was told he has brain damage from someone beating him. But he relates to a lot of his songs.

[Kifazes]

Ha, mine likes Eminem too :-)

Amazing how they can all be so different, yet so alike at the same time!

[maxsterling]

My dBPDgf recently told me that she and her friend down the street came up with a dance for the Madonna song "Borderline" when she was a kid.     I also find it interesting that many of the movies and books she likes tend to revolve around troubled people.

Here's a song called "Three Peaches" by Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel.  This song really affects me ever since I met my GF:


So wake up run your lips across your fingers till you find

Some scent of yourself that you can hold up high

To remind yourself that you didn't die

On a day that was so crappy whole and happy you're alive

You're in the bathroom carving holiday designs into yourself

Hoping no one will find you but they found you

And they took you

And you somehow survived

So wake up and if the holidays don't hollow out your eyes

Then press yourself against whatever

You find to be beautiful and trembling with life

Because I'm so happy you didn't die

[SoftLanding]

All the Same - Sick Puppies

I don't mind where you come from

As long as you come to me

I don't like illusions

I can't see them clearly

I don't care; no, I wouldn't dare

To fix the twist in you

You've shown me eventually

What you'll do

I don't mind

I don't care

As long as you're here

Go ahead, tell me you'll leave again

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

Do it all over again

It's all the same

Hours slide, and days go by

Till you decide to come

And in between it always seems too long

All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah, I have the will

To breathe you in while I can

However long you stay

Is all that I am

I don't mind

I don't care

As long as you're here

Go ahead, tell me you'll leave again

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

Do it all over again

It's always the same

Wrong or right

Black or white

If I close my eyes

It's all the same

In my life

The compromise

I close my eyes

It's all the same

Go ahead, say it - you're leaving

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

Do it all over again

It's all the same

[itsnotme567]

The ringtone I've always used her still seems appropriate to me even now that she is leaving.

Love is a burning thing

And it makes a fiery ring

Bound by wild desire

I fell into a ring of fire

I fell into a burning ring of fire

I went down, down, down

And the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns

The ring of fire, the ring of fire

I fell into a burning ring of fire

I went down, down, down

And the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns

The ring of fire, the ring of fire

The taste of love is sweet

When hearts like ours meet

I fell for you like a child

Oh, but the fire went wild

I fell into a burning ring of fire

I went down, down, down

And the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns

The ring of fire, the ring of fire

I fell into a burning ring of fire

I went down, down, down

And the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns

The ring of fire, the ring of fire

And it burns, burns, burns

The ring of fire, the ring of fire

The ring of fire