Suicide Threats: Do They Actually Ever Do It?

[nowwhatz]

My now ex-again-BPDgf sometimes threatens suicide during her darkest moments (off meds usually).

A few days ago she did threatened suicide. She was off her meds for 3 weeks and I urged her to get back on the meds (I eventually bought them for her this Monday) and she said she didn't want to take meds because they only cover up the truth... . that she is a "piece of ___" etc.

Since she was under investigation and eventually indicted on criminal charges she started cutting herself. After getting a real diagnosis (her lawyer ordered it) she was prescribed abilify to go with her other cocktail of meds and frankly she was in the best emotional condition I had ever seen her in... . especially considering her dire circumstances.

But the suicide threats keep me at bay on calling bs.

I don't want to feel responsible for her demise.

I see the threats as just another survival technique to keep me sucked in but I still walk on eggshells a bit with her.

[Perfidy]

Pardon me if I seem a little hard. You need to get away and stay away from her. If you can't at least stop enabling her. It only makes her worse. You get to feel good about yourself while she is cheated out of the opportunity to figure it out for her self.

[nowwhatz]

Pardon me if I seem a little hard. You need to get away and stay away from her. If you can't at least stop enabling her. It only makes her worse. You get to feel good about yourself while she is cheated out of the opportunity to figure it out for her self.

You are not being hard. You are right. With every recycle she is becoming less attractive to me. Right now we are NC but it is only a matter of time before she tries to call me again.

[Perfidy]

Just be aware. You have a choice. It sounds like her life might depend on it. It really doesn't. It depends on her. But it sounds like it. And that's what keeps you screwed up. It'll be ok with or with out you. Let her figure it out.

[Perfidy]

The answers to your question is yes. Sometimes people are successful at suicide. Some facts are that threats are not always met. Generally when suicide happens there is no threat. I would take the threat seriously in any case and that happens to be how it is viewed from a preventative standpoint.

[fromheeltoheal]

It's reported that 8-10% of borderlines kill themselves, which is a far higher rate than the general population, more testament to the living hell that is the disorder. But anyway, if she kills herself the disorder is to blame and nothing else, although if you think it's a real possibility you should contact the right people immediately. Your responsibility ends there.

[heartandwhole]

The answer is yes.  I would take them seriously.  Nowwhatz, it sounds like you are in intermittent contact with your ex, and you bought her meds on Monday.  If she talks of suicide again, you can give her a hotline number to speak to someone trained in handling situations like that: https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info2.htm

Here is another link that might help: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79032.0

You cannot make her get help, but depending on how much contact you are willing/able to have with her, you can simply listen and tell her you understand her feelings (if that's true).  You don't have to solve the problem.  You can't.

This is really tough stuff, and it's hard to deal with. 

[cowl022]

NowWhatz... . listen. Im glad u posted about this,because now I get the opportunity to reallu try and help make a difference. I am going to share something with you, and I hope you believe and take every word to heart. I went through the exact same thing with my ex BPD gf.  You are describing me minus the legal issue. I know its really hard to walk away from someone you love, but in the end you will find

That you are in a non reciprocal rs. All the care attention and unconditional love you are showing her is admireable, but in the end I guarantee you with all certainty... . written in blood... . that she will not even think about any of that and leave you stranded on an island with nothing but feelings of confusion and inner torment. You can mend her cuts, and kiss them til your lips fall off, but ( and I repeat)

When she decides shes had enough of you... . she will not even remember how much of your heart and soul you poured into her. Run away and never look back. Focus on bettering

Yourself my friend. This was the advise that was givem to me by a BPD therapist from New

York, and guess what? I didnt listen.  I didnt want to believe that she would be cruel enough.

Guess what? The therapist was 100% correct. I was left in the gutter. Did I deserve it?  IT DOESNT MATTER. This is typical BPD behavior. Especially if they refuse therapy let alone meds.

One of the last things I said to my ex BPD gf was. "How can I hold you accountable to anything you say when you say you are going to try harder, and you always end up reverting back to... . not taking meds... . skipping therapy sessions... . constant splittimg etc... . "   Her exact response was... . " And you know what?... . Its going to keep happening".  And she said it in a prideful manner. Such a turn off... . so sad. My friend... . I know we didnt date the same person, but your experience is eeriely similar to mine. Please dont end up hating yourself because you thought you could change things... . please dont end up hating yourself when she cheats, or recycles you again, or finally ends up walking out on you... . while realizing that you shouldve ran the hell away

When you saw a thousand red flags waving in the air and realized you did nothing. I commend you for the conviction and commitment you have for her, but if you dont leave this toxic relationship you will end up with serious core issues.  I didnt leave because I thought I was making a difference, but in the end I never did. They will continue to have this horrible disorder even once you have gone. They cant even handle themselves, and with all the love you pour into them... . they still will not be able to see it. How are they supposed to carry and nurture a serious commited rs like that? The answer is they cant. Its sad, but you cant continue to live in that downward spiral/ rollercoaster of a life. You will go down with them if you stay. Its up to them to seek and stick to treatment. Until then... . they will continue to be a boomerang and you will continue to suffer. Get away from all that toxicity. Let her figure it out without you. Please

Dont make the same mistake I made.