its breaks my heart

[sun seeker]

 The thought from the past that is running in my mind its bringing me to tears.

I walk in her condo and she is obviously drunk. She is standing at the kitchen counter swaying back and forth stumbling away from and back to the counter making her self a pulled bbq  pork sandwich(takes atleast 10 min. To make this)  as she finishes she turns to go eat at the table the sandwich slides off the plate onto the floor and she breaks down into tears and so do I. I just held her for hours that night. It truley broke my heart to see this. Fu*k im crying now... . (She didnt even know i was thier) I feel so bad for this girl she's so beautiful and intelligent she is an amazing oil painter.  I lover her so dam much. I will never forget her. But I need to forgive her.

[Clearmind]

sun seeker it also helps to begin to forgive yourself. When we recall events like this its usually because we are still holding onto thoughts that we were to blame/at fault.

We do however need to take responsibility for our part - that part of us we need to heal - that was there long before they came along - that is what drew us to this relationship. We were attempting to rectify our own past by trying to save a Borderline. Try to begin to save yourself first - she doesn't want to be saved.

This disorder is not something you caused and it is not something you could have fixed. Work on those thoughts and you will pull through all this. 

[RecycledNoMore]

(( Sunseeker))

Im sorry dear friend, be gentle with yourself.

[Free2Bee]

I have moments of sad memories like these too.  I'm sorry you're hurting, sun seeker.

I'm a fixer/solver - it hurts so much to know that I can't do anything for my ex. It's her disorder, her broken life. I didn't cause it, I can't fix it. I put a sticky note on my desk for awhile that read: "You can't fix this."

Time to take care of yourself   We're with you.

[CoasterRider]

All the "good" we remember wasn't real dude. It was surface. Her skills , beauty and talent don't amount to a hill of beans if she can't treat others the right way. If she participates in self destructive behaviors as you have described she isn't capable of being responsible and take care of herself. If she can't do that for HER than how is she going to be able to do it for anyone else. You need to really look at yourself and find out why it is you have this devotion to "fix" her. No it' a not because you love her. That need existed within yourself long before you met and fell in love with her. If you can't fix yourself you'll only find yourself stuck in this cycle. Again with her or with another emotionally unstable person. We are attracted to them like moths to a bug zapper.