almost stuck again

[Turkish]

She didn't even make it home to say goodnight to the kids. I put them to bed late too. She justfies it that tomorrow she is spending all day with them, but it is a work holiday, so what else is she going to do? She spent most of the day with them yesterday, but I was stuck at the house for 7 hours while the guys replaced my window. It was her choice to take the kids. She was at her moms, so it wasn't like she had to take care of them by herself. So I'm "stuck" doing the adult, responsible things.

Since she said she isn't taking much from the house, I was looking through closets and such, and I will also be stuck getting rid of things. I doubt she will take the lovey dovey knick knacks she made representing our "love". I guess I get to smash and toss them? Burn the pics of us that were over our bed? I took those down months ago. She noticed.

So I'll be stuck with all the adult responsibilities, including financial. She still doesn't grasp that the state CS formula equalizes our incomes to a great degree. I'll be here, shell be a part time mom, me a part time dad (not by choice), and she'll be out there medicating in her 1 and possibly 2 dimensional relationships to her blessed little borderline heart's desire. I shouldn't be mad, this is ultimately all of which she is capable. Lower my expectations because no matter how many motivational videos she watches (like again today, constantly), she is who she is. Its up to me to keep things stable, and even her the best I can with minimum engagement, if only to give our children the best life possible.

[arn131arn]

Turk, it doesn't seem like she's out there slandering you, making fals allegations of abuse and harrassment, trying to alienate ur kids, and rubbing in ur face a replacement. I would try and do it amicably with her in the future and continue to do so until she gives u a reason not to. It sucks, I know. U may have it harder than me, bc I don't see ANY forgiveness in the future to my ex bc of these false allegations. I'm going to only communicate with my ex via email or an emergency phone call related to my son. I sometimes wish it could be amicable like u, but too much damage has been done. Hang in there, bud. Arn

[Turkish]

Turk, it doesn't seem like she's out there slandering you, making fals allegations of abuse and harrassment, trying to alienate ur kids, and rubbing in ur face a replacement. I would try and do it amicably with her in the future and continue to do so until she gives u a reason not to. It sucks, I know. U may have it harder than me, bc I don't see ANY forgiveness in the future to my ex bc of these false allegations. I'm going to only communicate with my ex via email or an emergency phone call related to my son. I sometimes wish it could be amicable like u, but too much damage has been done. Hang in there, bud. Arn

I don't know, dude. I just have to deal with the emotions, and the operational and financial stuff. Its hard enough without what you are going through. She just slammed me backhandedly on FB. i m sure it just makes her look like the neglected waif. People can think what they think.

She just came home. She missed the kids, she said, after I said D1 was probably still awake. She brought home an extra plate of food for me. I made her watch me dump it in the trash.

Just kidding... . I shrugged and said ok.

[myself]

Being responsible is the best thing you can do right now. Don't turn it into something you're fighting against, see it as a way to focus on what is important. You have to let her go, she's going. It's you now. Don't worry about the material stuff, you can face that any time. Your kids, your relationship with them, and your own well being, Turkish. When an earlier ex, not the upwBPD I usually refer to, left me with a kid under similar circumstances to yours, I was there for my child all on my own. It hurt and seemed unfair. She was out having a good time while I took care of her responsibilities. Her family was concerned but nobody could get through to her. Her good times ended badly, but my kid grew up knowing I loved her and was there for her when it counted. You won't always feel so stuck. You'll see you're doing everything you're supposed to be doing, which means you're living, which means you're moving. There are times we have to raise the expectations we have of ourselves to meet the challenges, and you will.