still under the F in FOF

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Just served with a temporary restraining order for false allegations of threats, stalking, and harrassing. This is NOT a legal discussion, so please don't move... . thanks! I have been strict NC since a few weeks before x mas. I did catch her with my replacement x mas eve after I was told to be there for my son to open xmas gifts. She then accused me of throwing a paper in my replacement's lawn that had "whore, lier (which she mispelled in her statement, bumb b***h), and "fake" written on it. Can someone please try and help me understand this craziness? It seems she is trying to gain sympathy from joe millionaire, yet IF she is soo happy in that RS, why won't she let me be? Is this the contact u were talking about Ironman? The one u promised me would happen? Bc she is REALLY trying to kill me. She is dangerous. She will always be in my life... . go have fun with your new man, and QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH ME!

[arn131arn]

Just served with a temporary restraining order for false allegations of threats, stalking, and harrassing. This is NOT a legal discussion, so please don't move... . thanks! I have been strict NC since a few weeks before x mas. I did catch her with my replacement x mas eve after I was told to be there for my son to open xmas gifts. She then accused me of throwing a paper in my replacement's lawn that had "whore, lier (which she mispelled in her statement, bumb b***h), and "fake" written on it. Can someone please try and help me understand this craziness? It seems she is trying to gain sympathy from joe millionaire, yet IF she is soo happy in that RS, why won't she let me be? Is this the contact u were talking about Ironman? The one u promised me would happen? Bc she is REALLY trying to kill me. She is dangerous. She will always be in my life... . go have fun with your new man, and QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH ME!

[love4meNOTu]

It's time to stand up to the bully arn.

Get yourself a lawyer, now. Go after her A$$. False accusations? She can be sued.

L

[arn131arn]

Will someone PLEASE tell me why she won't leave me alone? SHE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE! Leave me alone u scorpion woman!

[love4meNOTu]

Seriously arn?

You KNOW the answer. You were just saying that you were successfully beginning to detach. You went to that therapist and got some very, very good clarity.

Didn't I tell you how vindictive my exhwBPD was? His pleasure in life was seeing me HURT. I'm not saying that all pwBPD are like this, but mine wanted me to SUFFER. He wanted my children to hate me, he wanted my parents to turn against me, he wanted me to lose all my friends.

And for what? BECAUSE I WOULD NOT DO WHAT HE TOLD ME TO DO. I WAS NO LONGER HIS DOORMAT. I WAS A THREAT, HIS ENEMY.

And you arn... are her enemy. It's time to go to war.

L

[santa]

This is just part of the smear campaign. She'll try to make you look as bad as possible because it makes her feel better about what she's done.

If you're "bad", then she's "good", right?

[arn131arn]

I AM happy today. I am angry and frustrated because IF she is so happy with someone else why do u care about me? I no longer care about u! She perjured herself in the documents and I can prove it. Penalty is 5 years in prison hard labor. Just may go get that attorney now. Me and my son can visit her there for the next 5 years!

[love4meNOTu]

Arn... I'm not saying that your ex will act like mine did... but I'm telling you that when I stood up to mine, he backed down.

I basically told my lawyer not to respond to his demands for spousal support... to send the papers to him as is, as in we both walk away with our own debts. He could either sign them and be divorced from me quickly, or hire himself a lawyer at his own expense and fight me in the courts.

He signed.

When I called the police on him when he was raging at me FOR THE LAST TIME... I got him to move out.

He was a Paper tiger. Scary looking, but easy to set on fire and dispose of.

[arn131arn]

Besides, her dad told me TODAY that she asked him to ask me to go in 50/50 for my son's birthday party that's in a week. Sound like someone who's scared to death of me, your honor?

[myself]

If you're "bad", then she's "good", right?

PwBPD don't make things better, they make it worse.

To punish themselves, as well as avoid it, they hurt others.

New pain as a reward for covering up old pain.

Being with someone else isn't solving much for her.

She's still in chaos. Running from who she is.

Do what you can to protect yourself.

mine wanted me to SUFFER

And for what? BECAUSE I WOULD NOT DO WHAT HE TOLD ME TO DO. I WAS NO LONGER HIS DOORMAT. I WAS A THREAT, HIS ENEMY.

My ex told me she would do things just to hurt me, and that she already had.

More reasons for me to get out and stay away.

She really lost it when I stood up for myself. The r/s was over.

IF she is so happy with someone else why do u care about me?

She wants to win the game, arn.

Digging herself a deeper hole while trying.

BTW, you and your son wouldn't have to visit her. Stay NC!

[Perfidy]

Hey arn... . You remember when I was saying that her new guy was seeing the same person that you see? It's true. He sees the same crap. Me personally... I would not even consider dating a woman in your ex's position, let alone try to have a relationship with anyone that isn't entirely out of their previous relationship. I do give them time to get over their ex's. if they aren't, I don't bite. I cannot understand why anyone would want to go through that. It would seem way too much like I was in somebody else's business. But that's just me.

[santa]

Hey arn... . You remember when I was saying that her new guy was seeing the same person that you see? It's true. He sees the same crap. Me personally... I would not even consider dating a woman in your ex's position, let alone try to have a relationship with anyone that isn't entirely out of their previous relationship. I do give them time to get over their ex's. if they aren't, I don't bite. I cannot understand why anyone would want to go through that. It would seem way too much like I was in somebody else's business. But that's just me.

Agreed

[arn131arn]

If you're "bad", then she's "good", right?

PwBPD don't make things better, they make it worse.

To punish themselves, as well as avoid it, they hurt others.

New pain as a reward for covering up old pain.

Being with someone else isn't solving much for her.

She's still in chaos. Running from who she is.

Do what you can to protect yourself.

mine wanted me to SUFFER

And for what? BECAUSE I WOULD NOT DO WHAT HE TOLD ME TO DO. I WAS NO LONGER HIS DOORMAT. I WAS A THREAT, HIS ENEMY.

My ex told me she would do things just to hurt me, and that she already had.

More reasons for me to get out and stay away.

She really lost it when I stood up for myself. The r/s was over.

IF she is so happy with someone else why do u care about me?

She wants to win the game, arn.

Digging herself a deeper hole while trying.

BTW, you and your son wouldn't have to visit her. Stay NC!

This is what is killing me... . rolling along just fine.  :)oing great... . laughing today.  Having a good time... . doorbellrings... . hello Mr. Officer.  Then the FEAR sets in... . it's like I will never get away from her.  

I am still strong NC, I will NOT be defeated; but I just can't shake the thought that this is how it will be for the rest of my life! This is what it has become.  This is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life.

I keep going back to IF you are in a happy/healthy RS with someone else, why in the world are you still trying to make my life miserable?

Is this a form of dysregulation?  The restraining order was put into effect last week, yet, she was telling her dad to ask me today about splitting a b day party 50/50 with her for my son next week?

If she did it for the damsel in distress joker card with her new millionaire odl man, does this mean that the RS is bound to fail bc she is already playing mindf**k games from the "get go"?

Sounds desperate to me... Do any of you think she will start devaluing him even though he can give her whatever she wants?  

I ask this bc she can probably keep it together long enough for him to ask to marry her.  I found out that he just got out of a RS to, with someone who was even younger than my ex.  about 5 years younger than us.

NOw I'm rambling... . she's got me spun again

[arn131arn]

Hey arn... . You remember when I was saying that her new guy was seeing the same person that you see? It's true. He sees the same crap. Me personally... I would not even consider dating a woman in your ex's position, let alone try to have a relationship with anyone that isn't entirely out of their previous relationship. I do give them time to get over their ex's. if they aren't, I don't bite. I cannot understand why anyone would want to go through that. It would seem way too much like I was in somebody else's business. But that's just me.

Agreed

Ya'll the dude's probably somewhat NPD if not full blown NPD... . He's got his things.  She is just one of those things... . So, a sick twisted f**k like him is probably eating this stuff up, as well... . They probably sit at dinner and talk/laugh about it.  They have been dating for almost 2 months now, water seeks its own level

[Perfidy]

Generally the issues that would give a green light to that are low self esteem, low self worth, depression, loneliness, and sure... . Pd's. could it be a healthy r/s? Doubtful. Are sick r/s's fun. Well, a little, but the bs isn't worth it. Do we stay in them? Yes. Why?

[arn131arn]

Generally the issues that would give a green light to that are low self esteem, low self worth, depression, loneliness, and sure... . Pd's. could it be a healthy r/s? Doubtful. Are sick r/s's fun. Well, a little, but the bs isn't worth it. Do we stay in them? Yes. Why?

Bc the sex is grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

A green light to what Perf?

[love4meNOTu]

Arn,

So an older guy, history of dating younger women, never married, lots of cash on hand?

He's using her, and she's using him. Mutually advantageous.

And do you really think she entertains him with stories about how she's got you right where she wants you? Ummm... nope... . that's a surefire way to lose her grip on him. He's not going to want to be bothered.

Soon... very very soon... you are going to realize that you are better off without her and actually believe it.

And it's not going to be this way for the rest of your life, it's just how it was today, ok? Try not to be a fortune teller... you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow let alone forever.

Hugs,

L

[Perfidy]

Generally the issues that would give a green light to that are low self esteem, low self worth, depression, loneliness, and sure... . Pd's. could it be a healthy r/s? Doubtful. Are sick r/s's fun. Well, a little, but the bs isn't worth it. Do we stay in them? Yes. Why?

Bc the sex is grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

A green light to what Perf?

A go in moving forward with a relationship. Green light... . Go.

Why? Well, sex is a shaky foundation for a healthy relationship. We stay in sick relationships because we are sick ourselves.

[myself]

Do any of you think she will start devaluing him even though he can give her whatever she wants?  

Yes. Because no one can give her that. She wants an end to her suffering but is going for a quick fix instead of a real solution. Money and other distractions aren't going to buy her way out of the mess she's making for herself.

I ask this bc she can probably keep it together long enough for him to ask to marry her.  

She's already out of control, how is that keeping it together? I agree, it sounds like they are just using each other. I bet it won't lead to marriage, and that she's not telling him very much about what's really going on with her. That way she can keep the mask on longer. He's probably not looking for much of the truth, either. It's all on the surface.

I found out that he just got out of a RS

How did you find out? What good does it do you to know? I feel for you man but you have to let go.

[arn131arn]

Generally the issues that would give a green light to that are low self esteem, low self worth, depression, loneliness, and sure... . Pd's. could it be a healthy r/s? Doubtful. Are sick r/s's fun. Well, a little, but the bs isn't worth it. Do we stay in them? Yes. Why?

Bc the sex is grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

A green light to what Perf?

A go in moving forward with a relationship. Green light... . Go.

Why? Well, sex is a shaky foundation for a healthy relationship. We stay in sick relationships because we are sick ourselves.

But that's exactly what I'm saying, Perf.  This guy MUST be sick to even get involved with her in the 1st place.  You said it yourself.  So, either he believes he can fix her (good luck, got the T-shirt) or he's HAS to be just as sick as her.

Look, BPDs are attracted to NPDs.  They are flying high in love right now.  She's probably bombing him as we speak; and yes they had sex on the 1st date.  So, the guy is not in any way shape or form, healthy... . making it that much more worse for me.

[arn131arn]

Do any of you think she will start devaluing him even though he can give her whatever she wants?  

Yes. Because no one can give her that. She wants an end to her suffering but is going for a quick fix instead of a real solution. Money and other distractions aren't going to buy her way out of the mess she's making for herself.

I ask this bc she can probably keep it together long enough for him to ask to marry her.  

She's already out of control, how is that keeping it together? I agree, it sounds like they are just using each other. I bet it won't lead to marriage, and that she's not telling him very much about what's really going on with her. That way she can keep the mask on longer. He's probably not looking for much of the truth, either. It's all on the surface.

I found out that he just got out of a RS

How did you find out? What good does it do you to know? I feel for you man but you have to let go.

I am myself.  Was doing really good... I really was.  Felt like "chunk" on goonies in themiddle of a candy store.  Seriously.  I went all day today and felt good about me. 

Then that goddamn doorbell... .

[myself]

Was doing really good... I really was.  

Then that goddamn doorbell... .

You've shown strength and progress, and there's extra support here as you've found and given. Most importantly, you've seen it for yourself.

Why would you want to know the details of their r/s? Who told you that? How do you even know what you've heard is true? If it's a way to poke yourself into waking up, I get it. I've done it. If it's a way to feel worse about yourself (I did that too), I think most of us here would say knock that sh!t off.

The two of them can be sick together. You make sure you're healthy.

Hearing that doorbell was another wake-up call. The snooze button is not an option.

It's great you had a day of feeling good about yourself. There will be many more.

[love4meNOTu]

Arn... . I'm going to spin a yarn for you.

This guy that she is seeing, he's actually the biggest creep on the planet, he smells, has a small weiner and hair on his back.

And she? She is disgusted by him, but pretends not to be because she really wants someone, anyone. Because she's developed a horrible drug addiction, and needs the cash.

Now see... that story is just about believeable as the one you made up about him being an NPD... and that BP's and NPD's go together like peanut butter and jelly.

The truth is YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM, but what you do know is that your wife was horrible to you, and she recycled you over and over again, filed fake DV charges against you and is keeping you from your son.

She is the SAME person with him as she is with you. Mask may be in place for a bit, but it will slip.

Very very very soon you will no longer care if she is happy with him or anyone else. Because it won't matter anymore, because it is over, you have a life with your son, and your life is good. Because you love your son, and that is what true love is. That feeling we feel for our children, that is the REAL thing. Not fake, drama, endlessly needy BP love.

God bless,

L

[damage control]

That is a really cr@ppy thing for her to do Arn ... I'm really sorry to hear that it knocked you around - but it is understandable that it did.

[damage control]

As for the replacement and your fear/s re that:

Mine is on his 2nd or 3rd (not 100% on the figures) replacement since he and I split - the current one just floored me because she is simply ... . awful ... I did not and will not diss the woman he was cheating on me with because I have never seen and don't know her - but I saw a picture and the FB page of the new one today and I was completely floored (and humiliated all over again that he would choose someone like that over me) ... but, this is besides the point -

thing is, she (yours) may break with this guy and then move to another - if she is the type to have somebody else lined up, that may be the case so, even if it doesn't work out between them, she may have another one ready to go when it falls apart.

There is no way to know.

[Changingman]

This is a never ending story, the writer is her. The drama just goes on and on. Boring.

It never stops it's just if you bother to know or are involved.

s*** though

[arn131arn]

Thanks DC and CM,

I wasn't really doing bad at all this week.  I wasn't really triggered nor do I think I was obssessing.  BUt after my restraining order today, I started questioning everything again.  My sanity.  What if she was right about me?  She is truly trying to destroy me. 

I cannot believe that I am NOW thinking of her falling in love with this guy... . AGAIN!

Another thing, my sister found out that she raged on my son last week and smashed his Kindle Fire to pieces in the front of the house... . my son said she was mad and that he could still use it because just the screen was cracked.

So, f in sad, man.  She and him were like two peas in a pod until this guy came along.  I would almost rather the unhealthy enmeshment they had when I was around.  At least, he would feel special.  His grandmother watches him every night and I can't think of anyone worse than her.  I believe she is BPD as well.  But her family is wierd.  No hugs, no kisses, no displays of affection... . nothing.


And that my firends is what my 8 year old son is going through now.  Alienation from his father, my mother, my sister, and stuck with a 2 psychopaths living in his grandmother's apartment with no outward signs of lve.

I swear it willl make a man homicidal... .

[irishmarmot]

I think the restraining is all about control.   Think about you moved on been good with NC and right out of the blue she brings you back into the chaos of her world.  I have a DV order myself.   I will not attend the hearing gonna give her what she wants. 

It's good for me because now I won't get tempted to contact her and I will be feeling better soon.

[Learning_curve74]

arn, she is mentally ill. If it helps to think of her as "bat___ crazy", then do that because it's apparent to us on the outside looking in that she is crazy! Just because she isn't eating dirt and screaming about spiders in her head eating her brain doesn't make her any less mentally ill. You think she's in a "happy" relationship, but since she has BPD, that is not the case. Appearances don't mean anything, just think of all the people who think you're some crazy abuser based on the DV accusations she's made against you.

Since you must be involved with your ex in regards to your son, I'd suggest that you spend some time reading and writing on the Co-Parenting board. You may also want to review some of the communication tools on the Staying board, not because you are in a relationship beyond being parents of the same child, but simply to understand the best ways to communicate with her when necessary.

To reduce the drama, LC only with regards to parenting your son would be the simplest course of action. Discussion of any other matters should be off the table in my opinion, you can set this as a boundary but need to enforce it consistently every time.

[broken3]

Yup Arn,

I was not even home when the alleged "abuse" happened. And I have the texts to prove it.

The second time she tried was when she was parked on main street and I drove by.

Fought both. First one was dismissed. Second time I was angry and wanted to show the judge.

She then withdrew before we could get in front of a judge.

I had the court order communication only by texting.

Ohhh the mountain of evidence she gave me and the courts.

Protect yourself.

[Mutt]

This is just part of the smear campaign. She'll try to make you look as bad as possible because it makes her feel better about what she's done.

If you're "bad", then she's "good", right?

This.

Your're painted black Arn.

There's different reasons why they do smear campaings. My ex was to excuse or take the focus off of her bad behaviors. All of the lying / cheating that she did, she simply blamed me and went around to her friends / family and went as far to distort my mother by saying I was a physically, emotionally, financially abusive alcoholic  to her and to the kids. She can't look bad so she projects it on me.