Lessons Learned

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

What were some great lessons you learned about yourself?

Mine was that I never experienced idealization love or seemingly at the time unconditional love from another person since I was an infant.  

I never thought I could get through the PTSD, but I did.  I feel a tremendous strength with a lot of tools gained along the way.  

I learned that my mom was NPD growing up,  and I understand the effect it had on me.   I'm still grieving and coping with this relationship by not engaging.  

I am learning protect myself through soothing myself and boundary talk.  

I learned that self love is essential for coping and healing.

I learned that I need to be my own parent.  

I'm learning DBT skills and visualization skills to cope with PTSD.  

I've learned that prayer, visualization, and meditation helps.

I'm open to hearing what lessons you learned from this experience?

[dharmagems]

What were some great lessons you learned about yourself?

Mine was that I never experienced idealization love or seemingly at the time unconditional love from another person since I was an infant.  

I never thought I could get through the PTSD, but I did.  I feel a tremendous strength with a lot of tools gained along the way.  

I learned that my mom was NPD growing up,  and I understand the effect it had on me.   I'm still grieving and coping with this relationship by not engaging.  

I am learning protect myself through soothing myself and boundary talk.  

I learned that self love is essential for coping and healing.

I learned that I need to be my own parent.  

I'm learning DBT skills and visualization skills to cope with PTSD.  

I've learned that prayer, visualization, and meditation helps.

I'm open to hearing what lessons you learned from this experience?

[Perfidy]

No other person holds the key to my happiness

Need is not love

I should have called the cops the first time I was abused. After that I was a willing participant.


And a whole bunch of other things but I don't want to go on a rant so I'll post more later.

[dharmagems]

I learned that I am not a victim.

I learned to not take it personally.

I learned to take care of my needs before I can attend to others

[Lucky Jim]

I learned to trust my gut feelings

I learned that kindness is the most important quality in the people with whom I want to associate

I learned that change is not only possible, but something to cultivate when one is unhappy

More to post later and agree with all you have listed above!  LJ

[Perfidy]

The only reality is now

The past isn't real now

The future hasn't happened

The past can't hurt me now

I have a right to be

I have a right to be happy

[Tightrope walker]

I have learned that to rescue someone is not helping them or myself.

I have learned to step back.

I learned that it is not selfish to take care of myself and it should be done.

I have learned that the past can hurt, but it should not take away the present or future.

I have found that I like myself, even if an abusive parent didn't.

I do not take everything personally.  I have learned to validate and let go.

I have learned that love occurs on many different levels but criticism, manipulation, and abuse is not.

I have learned to enjoy again.                                                                                                                     

[myself]

Look before I leap. Better yet, don't leap.

You only get so many chances.

Real love is a gift, not a chore.

[dontknow2]

I learned my best decisions are made in the true moment.

I learned it OK to change my mind as many times as I want.

I learned my feelings including anger help remind me what is important to me.

I learned who I am is not defined by someone else; only I do that.

I learned to take responsibility for me, my life, and love for myself.

I learned to keep my children safe and not push them to be anyone else but who they are.

I learned to avoid assumptions about why someone acts a certain way; that I never know what is going on in their life.

I learned my best is imperfect and when clear-headed, that is perfect.

I learned my life won’t make sense to others and that is OK.

I learned there is a universal definition of love as well as whatever flavors I decide to throw in.

I learned I can be alone and be OK.

[irishmarmot]

I've learned to trust my gut instinct

I am co-dependant

I have low self-esteem

I am hyper-sensitive

I have some BPD traits

My mother and sister were probably BPD

I am attracted to BPD women (sick isn't it)

I am empathetic loving caring forgiving and spiritual

I didn't walk away from my ex, she walked from me so I am also loyal and faithful