Help me understand..

[blueeyedjess]

I'm so emotionally raw right now. My stbex really has me hurting... .

Today I have been told that I was an attempted murderess, a terrible person who is doing of this, a person with a mental illness, that the therapist we were seeing wanted to have me committed and she feared for the stbex life, that I  and that I am the reason all of this has happened. He told me that my so called friends, confidants, are making sure to get back to him with all the bad things I say about him. He can't trust me but all he wants to do is "help me". He swears he's not attacking me,but every convo feels like it. He makes me feel so useless and paranoid. Our entire conversation today made me feel like he were saying that he is the only one I CAN trust, and that he is the one I should look to to save the situation if I only fall in line and listen to him.

He really knows exactly how to get to me, how to hurt me. He's so terribly angry with me. I feel like I am the one losing touch with reality, that I am the one that can't trust anyone. I feel so alone right now, so damn raw... Why do they insist on doing this? Why do we fall into it so easily?

I have got to get out of this and away from him. I feel so much more stable when I am away from him, so much more happy, so much more like myself.

[mgl210]

Hey Jess,

I am in no shape or form an expert. I am going through somewhat the same exact thing you are going through... . Except my experience has lead to many many recyclings.  I know its hard and I know you are in pain. The best thing you could have done for yourself is to find this support group. While I might personally not be able to really give you the magic answer.You are fortunate that there is a wealth of knowledge to be found here.

Hang in there, It will get better

MGL

[growing_wings]

hi blue... .

sounds like he is projecting so much stuff on you. Projection in my view can be very very damaging, when i experienced it, it was shocking to get accused of the stuff she was doing to me. I found that outrageous to begin with, but she said that so many times, i began to believe her, and my world starting getting upside down, doubted myself, doubted everything and i even thought i had BPD!. That is why they call them crazy making interactions. Once i started to believe those, my self estemm went to the floor... . and is when i left... as much pain as it took i left, and althought i hurt like hell, is the best thing i could ever do (in my personal experience that is)

sorry you are hurting, but do not believe his projections, or how they hurt you. BPD's are very good at finding out the stuff they know will hurt you deeply, and they will use that against you. Dont let them.

i know it hurts, but best is to go NC, NC will give you the space you need to regain balance. If NC is not for you, try controlled minumum contact (that worked for me). After sometime, i began to feel normal. I am not fully out of hte FOG yet (after 6 weeks NC)... . but i feel much much much better about myself and more confident.

dont let him make you go crazy. they use this as a tool to control you and to dominate your world.  you are the only one who can control your life.