thought she would of come back crawling by now . but i have been erased

[livetoride87]

hey guys and girls ... its been a long 4-5 months for me but im starting to feel a lot better considering the state of confusion I was in ... but lately she has been haunting me in my dreams and theres times where I have these flash backs of strange behaviours that I never picked up before and now suddenly i think wow that was strange or wow she was seriously angry at me then ...

I am actually amazed how she has not even made a decent effort to contact me in months ... going from the best boyfriend she ever had to nothing ... what i do get though is her ringing my friends to see what they are upto when im hanging out with them ... leaving her car at my mates house even though she left the party early so i would drive past and see her car there  ... posting on friends facebook pages like everything is back to normal now im discarded ... that's what hurts the most ... its so hard for me to explain to people why we broke up because her story changes from what she tells me early on in the break up to what she tells my friends from i dunno why i did it  and say to me  i don't know what to do when my feelings change ... then week later i don't love you enough as much as you need to be loved and how much you love others ...   then to my friends  i just was not ready for a series relationship ... which lasted 2 years like every other relationship she has .

oh and 3 weeks after she suddenly left me she also went out of her way to msg my sister and ask her if she would still come to her birthday ?  what the heck ... what i don't understand is why is she contacting or talking to every 1 i am close to but wont even bother talking to me ... ?

[Want2know]

It's hard to say exactly what her motivation is right now.  It sounds like she's grasping at straws in her new found state.  Many folks with BPD need some sense of constancy since they have such a strong fear of abandonment.  They also tend to want to maintain their outward presence of being ok, which also may be a part of why she is contacting your friends, sister, etc. to show them she is ok.

Do you have any loose ends to tie up with her or are you at a place where you don't need any further contact with her?

[NyGirl8]

I think what I am learning is that all this attention seeking behavior is her trying to fill her narcissistic supply.  It doesn't matter if the attention is positive or negative.  She is just trying to keep you in the wings for when she is need of supply.  I don't think these people function on anything remotely logical to you and I.  It is a very sick world of viewing people as a means to what they need.  She needs to be consistently adored, be attended to, and be put high on a pedestal.  What better way to get this than from someone who she dumped 6 months ago, but, she can still get a reaction out of.  So mean!

[livetoride87]

The thing is everytime I had something good happen to me like it was my birthday for example then she would tie up one of the loose ends like give me my clothes back the day after my birthday and without saying happy birthday ... or I got photos looking good at a friends wedding then almost straight away there was contact by her demanding I give her my bank details so she could transfer the money into my account for the tickets we bought for nyes  so I did and then to remind me she was having a awesome time on her holiday at the same time . I just replied have a good time ... and she replied ... . I WILL THANKS ... thanks was it have not heard from her in 4 months ... just completely erased ... oh I did see her though afterwards at a club she was sitting in the middle of her friends with with a strange glazed look on her face just staring at nothing because she knew I was there again did not even acknowledge me but when I left went and spoke to one of my best mates ... ... like a little victim ... like I was the one that hurt her ... then I read on the board that they do eventually make contact or try to see if your still on the hook but I don't believe she will ever do that ...  

[Perfidy]

LTR, I know how hard this is. I'm sorry that you still have those feelings about being contacted, and are still wondering what happened. Reality happened.

I thought I would not hear from the pwBPD that was in my life again. No contact for many months. She appeared out of the blue last Saturday night. I wouldn't speak to her. My behavior was warranted. She used me in a sick play to draw in her next host last time I had interaction with her. Then, when she was done with me she tried to set me up. She would ask me to take her out and like a fool, I did. We went to dinners, casinos, shopping, bars... . Just like old times. Then she started telling people that she was afraid of me. Telling people that I was stalking her. I wasn't. She invited the contact every time. We had been together for going on eight years. This caused a great deal of upset in me when I found everything out. I got away and stayed away. I will not speak to her again for a reason. The reason I won't speak to her is my own self preservation.

LTR, I'm telling you this because if she does contact you, and there is a real possibility that she will, you better have your guard all the way up. She will NOT be contacting you for your benefit and YOU could be risking your own well being by allowing contact. 

Keep in your mind somewhere that emotionally engaging mentally disordered girlfriends is the same as looking to see how much gas is in you car's gas tank with a bic lighter.

One last thing. She cannot forget you like that. You aren't erased. You are there in her mind larger than almost any one else. Figuring another person out is utterly futile. Figuring your self out is infinitely satisfying.

[NyGirl8]

Engaging mentally disordered gfs is like... .

Oh thank you so much for that analogy Perfidy!

Good stuff

Figuring another person out is utterly futile. Figuring your self out is infinitely satisfying.

Another gem.  I needed this tonight.  Thanks!

[LA4610]

i agree with everything in the first two responses. to add, i don't think you have been erased at all. especially if she is doing all of the things you said. those are all pull tactics to get you to contact her. you don't think she will contact you again... . trust me, she will. In a way she already is. My advice would be to block her on all social media and her telephone number.

[Changingman]

Love Perfidys post,

Everything he writes is bullseye, I had the same acting out. I was in a scene where everyone else was hearing distorted lies about me. It all seemed odd, interaction with people became foggy. Didn't understand why, odd statements about me, strange body language, people not looking me in the eye. Indeed perfidy a sick play was going on to attach to her next host. I've cut of all those people, reality indeed, we play social games until all illusions are spent, some friends stay because of genuine conection.

Now 6+ months later she still has our dog on her fB background, all her likes and music are still exactly ... . mine. Hasn't taken down her false front, still using me as normalicy. I'll bet her mum and dad don't know, all the same. She has now posted a dog that looks the same as our dead one, bleeding and lost. Crazy mind playing games of love with a life she took.

Shields up, their arrows will blacken out the sun, we will have to fight in the shade.

Perfidy is right, this disorder means they have a hard time with RSs, friendships, family, work etc. When she realises she is/has poisoned these she will look to engage Anyone, we are anyone.

We also came closest to the darkness, remember

[myself]

They're really trying to erase themselves.

We become their scapegoats.

Broken mirrors swept away.

[livetoride87]

all great replys thanks guys thanks ...

I think she is actually scared of me ... she did say that she has never seen someone get so upset and angry at her for ending the relationship ... she had this really confused look on her face at the time ... but friends say she seems to have dropped of the face of the earth and that's what worry's me is her next move ...

[jojomak]

I only got married last year. I loved him like mo other man.

Since than my husband left me 3 times - coming back mostly to his mummy ( as she was the biggest problem in our relationship) .

In now he left me out of the blue on a street, crying , unable to walk, almost throwing uo because he said 'this is over'.

I haven't heard from him for 3 months and our first year anniversary was approaching.

I was so so bad over these months- therapy, lack of sleep, shock, moved out, lost my aim in life.

On our day of anniversary he has sent me an email ' We need to talk about the divorce and he attached a photo of graveyard with our photo on it R.I.P '

He is mad. I cannot belive that someone who says one day ' I love you' the next time he just want to hurt you.

And that's it.

Game Over.

And I had a hope all that time.

Out of resoect to my marriage, love , him I would never never never be able to send him such a awful mail.

He has no feelings, no empathy.