Would it be easier for you if your BPDex had died?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Would it have been easier? Yes. Would I want that? No.

There is a little thing that I have inside of me called a soul.

I just want her to get better (as does our children, ... . as does everybody).

But that is only possible thru the help of divine intervention.

The better question is this: Would it have been easier if I would have wised up sooner? (and not kept going back to her for more torment). If I would have just learned about BPD eariler, ... . THIS would have been easier... .

[ogopogodude]

Would it have been easier? Yes. Would I want that? No.

There is a little thing that I have inside of me called a soul.

I just want her to get better (as does our children, ... . as does everybody).

But that is only possible thru the help of divine intervention.

The better question is this: Would it have been easier if I would have wised up sooner? (and not kept going back to her for more torment). If I would have just learned about BPD eariler, ... . THIS would have been easier... .

[maxen]

I look back at the old pictures of her and wonder "was she even really there?"

i've looked at our wedding album and wondered what to feel about pictures with her in them.

absolutely free of remorse.

it's deranging.

[LA4610]

I think it would be easier for me. I would know that she couldn't possibly pop up and ruin my life any more than she already has. Also, it would be gratifying to know that she wasn't ruining other people lives. My ex is nuts. She has driven her ex's into drug addiction, suicide, etc. I told my friends today if she died I would probably say "good."

If this post offends anyone I am sorry... . just answering the question honestly.

[fromheeltoheal]

No, it wouldn't have been easier.  The vengeful side of me, the one who hated her for a while after I left, knew that the hell that is her life is much more painful than death, and I wanted her to feel every bit of it, times ten if possible.

But that waned, I found the compassion for her that I had lost, and I want her to find happiness, however she can.  There may have been a time in the middle there that thinking if she was dead it would be easier, but not really, we were never married, had no kids, and by the time i left her we were living 2000 miles apart, so it was easy to think she was dead to me already.

[santa]

Why? Do you know somebody?

LOL. Just joking. 

[Want2know]

Another thought that is provoked concerning things being better if my BPDex were dead; I feel as though she might finally be able to rest.  

I'll be honest - with the number of suicide attempts on my ex's part (prior to my meeting him) coupled with the number of serious threats that he made while we were together (sitting in the basement in the dark with a gun in blackface as if he were in the Army, threatening to kill him and his son), there were times I felt he would be better off dead.  He is in such pain, and the only way he numbs the pain is through all the things we all see numb their pain - sex, drinking/drugs, etc.  That's really no way to live a happy life.

[TheRoadtoNowhere]

  Hey Diamond,

I feel the same way you do, I do not wish my BPDexgf had died.  I just want my baby to get better, even if its not with me.  Even after all the pain and suffering shes put me through, she is the real victim.  The sexual abuse by her father and his friend and the eventual suicide of her father after she told her school counselor, is more than anyone should ever have to live through. She never asked for that or for her emotionally unattached /neglecting POS mother that to this day blames her for her fathers suicide,  no wonder my baby is so messed up. I remember so many times how she would tell me how she wanted to kill herself so the pain would just go away. I cant imagine living with so much pain, I feel so incredibly sad and helpless.  I doubt that Ill ever get the closure that IM seeking, I probably wouldnt get the answers Im looking for anyways.

I just pray every day that shes safe and happy and getting the the intense psychological help she needs, they diagnosed her with Bipolar 2 back in Sept. of 2013, but my personal opinion is that she was mis-diagnosed... .   I think she has BPD and thats why her medication never improved her condition in any way.

I miss her more than anything Ive ever known, its only been 47 days,but... . Shes a drug and Im an addict and I know that my life will never be the same... . the strange thing is that I can even bring myself to be pissed at her, even after everything shes done to me, she will always be the beautiful, sweet, innocent, perfect little girl that I fell in love with... . I just want her to try and find some kind of happiness in this world, wheather its with me or not,  I still love her that much!

[Octoberfest]

I'll remind everyone here that the question is NOT do you wish your BPDex was dead- it is would it be easier to detach and/or find closure if they had died.  I did not pose this question with anger or vengeance in mind; rather the healing process that we must all go through after being involved in a relationship with a pwBPD.

I think it would be easier for me. I would know that she couldn't possibly pop up and ruin my life any more than she already has. Also, it would be gratifying to know that she wasn't ruining other people lives. My ex is nuts. She has driven her ex's into drug addiction, suicide, etc. I told my friends today if she died I would probably say "good."

If this post offends anyone I am sorry... . just answering the question honestly.

I identify with your post LA.  For me it is the FINALITY of death; there is no chance of recycle, continued communication, jabs, barbs, longing for them, running into them, etc.  I think with all the back and forth that went on in my relationship with my BPDex, the idea of having something set in stone sounds really appealing.

[Perfidy]

Always looking for the easier way. Why not? At first I thought of it as a living death. It isn't. It is as final as death. Sometimes the severity of the abuse seems like a blessing that helped me see reality sooner.

[wdone]

yes. i have thought about this many times, and i always feel like it would definitely be easier.  i would not have to worry about running into him with someone else.  i would not wonder anymore if he was going to call or ignore me.  however, i used to have similar thoughts about my ex 13 years ago, and he did die! and i wish he was still alive... . so... . i am not sure.

that song. that song kills me. it is so perfect for my situation with my bf.  i sob and feel like someone gets it when i hear that song.  i even played it for him one time when he "came back" and told him that's how it affected me and how i felt... .