Told myself to not walk by her house...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Sucks that my uBPD/NPD ex gf of 3 years lives on my block!  I told myself to not walk by her house today when I took the dog out.  Well, I didn't follow my gut and I saw the roses on her doorstep.  I shouldn't be surprised.  She had a replacement within a couple weeks of the b/u.  She has to keep her supply going!  Hey, I cut the cord and need to phucking move on in my heart and mind!  Maybe it was good for me to see to finally nail the damn door shut!  It is what it is... .

[Madison66]

Sucks that my uBPD/NPD ex gf of 3 years lives on my block!  I told myself to not walk by her house today when I took the dog out.  Well, I didn't follow my gut and I saw the roses on her doorstep.  I shouldn't be surprised.  She had a replacement within a couple weeks of the b/u.  She has to keep her supply going!  Hey, I cut the cord and need to phucking move on in my heart and mind!  Maybe it was good for me to see to finally nail the damn door shut!  It is what it is... .

[Mutt]

Sucks that my uBPD/NPD ex gf of 3 years lives on my block!  I told myself to not walk by her house today when I took the dog out.  Well, I didn't follow my gut and I saw the roses on her doorstep.  I shouldn't be surprised.  She had a replacement within a couple weeks of the b/u.  She has to keep her supply going!  Hey, I cut the cord and need to phucking move on in my heart and mind!  Maybe it was good for me to see to finally nail the damn door shut!  It is what it is... .

I live across the street from my ex and I understand how seeing her or the replacement and the triggers abd being so close.

She was a SAHM with no money or job. She managed to get into a place across from our old place and she is subsidized. I stayed close because I thought that there is no way with no money she will make it and I didn't know about the replacement, so I rented a smaller place than our old apartment.

I'm moving away (soon) when my lease is up and I'm going to get a bigger place for the kids. 

I know what you mean about being in close vicinity. I avoid her place as much as possible.

[Madison66]

Yeah, I own my house and she rents hers.  I hope she leaves at the end of her lease in April.  In the meantime, I just need to worry about "me"!

[Mutt]

Yeah, I own my house and she rents hers.  I hope she leaves at the end of her lease in April.  In the meantime, I just need to worry about "me"!

She has such a weird arrangement, half of the time she stays at her workplace. It's a storage unit company. The replacement quit his job and took a job with her and he lives on site as a manager. So she spends half of her time there with him and our kids. I don't how he lives and works with her, because I couldn't do both. 

Who knows maybe she'll move too, she has mentioned it, but I take everything with a grain of salt these days.

I'm focusing on me and the kids  

[Madison66]

I hope they both move!   

Again, I ended the r/s for my own sanity and this is a good sign for me to let the last bit detachment happen.  Bang, bang, bang - the sound of the door being nailed shut!  It's about time... .

[Mutt]

I hope they both move!   

Again, I ended the r/s for my own sanity and this is a good sign for me to let the last bit detachment happen.  Bang, bang, bang - the sound of the door being nailed shut!  It's about time... .

I'll grab a hammer and give you some help 

[Pinoypride18]

Madison66 that is nothing, im not saying im proud of it but i went all stalker mode on my exBPDgf. I guess i want to see if the rumours of her and the replacement were true. So not only did i stalk her dorm but i tried walking around where the replacement lived. Long story short, i got caught. I saw them at a park close by, walked past her and said hi. It was awkward and a stupid move on my part. I just can't believe she would move onto someone else less than 2 weeks after the breakup, but i wanted to see it for myself.


Don't ever go stalker mode. It is not good for you to obsess over it and if caught makes you look like the crazy one.

But i understand you man. I kept telling myself to stop walking by her dorm. I just hate the thought of what they could be doing because i know what my ex is capable of and that she has not limit in what she will do. But it is over and i need to remember she is not my concern anymore and that she is someone elses problem now.

[Ceide]

It's so hard, if not impossible, to get closure with these people, so we do things like check up on them to see what's what.  It sucks.  7  months after my uBPDexbf left I found out he was back with the woman he was with before me.  It was a kick in the gut.  He got back together with her quickly after me, but I had no idea until 7 months later.  I'm glad I didn't know immediately, I was already in enough pain.

Understanding the disorder helps.  Knowing that this is very typical behavior and what I can expect helps, but even still, there seems to be no short-cutting going through that grief.

Madison66 - I like the "bang, bang, bang"!  Gonna keep that one handy 

[Tausk]

Sucks that my uBPD/NPD ex gf of 3 years lives on my block!  I told myself to not walk by her house today when I took the dog out.  Well, I didn't follow my gut and I saw the roses on her doorstep.  I shouldn't be surprised.  She had a replacement within a couple weeks of the b/u.  She has to keep her supply going!  Hey, I cut the cord and need to phucking move on in my heart and mind!  Maybe it was good for me to see to finally nail the damn door shut!  It is what it is... .

Ouch it sucks.  My ex I learned later moved in with the guy she had cultivated for the  year and half BEFORE the break up.  She lives 100 miles away, but moved in one mile away.  After learning that about a year later, I had to stick myself with rusty knife quite a few times by driving by and seeing if her car was there for the weekends.  I was even driving by her mom's house (par 5 away) looking for her vehicle.

Honestly sticking myself with a real knife would have been less painful and more productive. Oh the pain of the Disorder, which just brought out all the worse in what was already there  

Not proud of my actions.  But it helped to know a bit more info.  So, yes, in some ways for you it can be blessing. It helps to bring final closure and helps to destroy malignant hope.  Limerence  is the vacillation between hope and uncertainty that can keep a partner locked in the disorder for a lifetime.  

The only way out of the Limerence is for the hope to be extinguished.   Mentally knowing that it's there, Limerence, doesn't really help. It is a feeling that we have no control over at the moment.  

To move past the Limerence requires the true squashing, exterminating, destroying, stomping, purging, eradication, annihilation, obliteration, erasing, eradication... . of malignant hope/uncertainty.  It is only when we have killed the hope and depersonalize, that the Limerence ends and this will help us move forward in our recovery.

It takes time.  We are human.  It's in our nature to remember and hold on.  It's a constructive attribute for the most part.  But my inability to let go here is for me is a weakness.  

You are not alone.  Thanks for sharing. Go to know it's not just me