Lesson of a lifetime = 3 years of selling myself short

[Madison66]

I had to "re-ground" myself yesterday and remind myself why I left the 3 year r/s with my uBPD/NPD ex gf, and how I finally had the strength to leave the r/s after three recycles in the last year.  I couldn't have with this person what I want and need in a r/s.  I then journaled last night writing down 44 words to describe the r/s that I want and will have.  Words like kindness, vulnerability, trust, transparency, collaboration, emotional maturity, empathy, accountability, communication, authenticity, desire to grow, humility, intimacy, financial responsibility, balanced, accepting, consistency, etc.  Out of the 44 words I wrote down, there are 30 words or descriptions I couldn't have either because my ex gf couldn't do them, because I became frustrated with the r/s, and because the emotional abuse had destroyed the fabric of the r/s.  I did the "dance" and hold myself responsible for staying in the unhealthy r/s way, way, way too long.  The shift I made yesterday was to finally focus on "me" and my needs, and no longer selling myself short!  I started this process two years ago when I began T and this days has been coming for a long time.  :)etachment has had to happen to finally move forward.

Part of the work on myself I'm doing in T is to believe in myself and love myself so that I can hold my standards and values high.  I won't accept a reality or someone else's reality that isn't in line with my core values, wants and needs.  I will no longer sell myself short... .    

[santa]

Anyone staying with a BPD is selling themselves short. They'll be your worst enemy if you love them enough. It's thankless and a constant struggle. The only possible result is failure with them too because they can't be helped.

Anyone not BPD is better than any BPD over the course of time.

[heartandwhole]

The shift I made yesterday was to finally focus on "me" and my needs, and no longer selling myself short!  I started this process two years ago when I began T and this days has been coming for a long time.  :)etachment has had to happen to finally move forward.

Part of the work on myself I'm doing in T is to believe in myself and love myself so that I can hold my standards and values high.  I won't accept a reality or someone else's reality that isn't in line with my core values, wants and needs.  I will no longer sell myself short... .    

Excellent news, Madison66 !    This is growth and I commend you for putting yourself first.  I know it's not easy to change the habits of a lifetime, but it can be done.  You deserve a relationship that fulfills you and encourages you to thrive. 

[growing_wings]

great to hear Maddison... .  

refusing to accept a reality that is not in line with your core values, wants and needs is "Integrity"... .

i found myself in a similar situation like you, and stepping back and re-alining the reality to values that resonate deep within ourselves brings a lot of self -respect.

best wishes