Forcing her to go to therapy

[joshbjoshb]

Hi

I am not sure if this issue has come up before on this forum.

I know that in general you can't force anyone, especially pwBPD who can't even realize that they need help, and refuse to go to counselling.

However, after my wife telling me https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=219946.0 she wants to kill me, I told her that to me that was a big red line that was crossed, and she must seek therapy soon.

Now I need some advice how to follow up on this. I want to give her few days, and then show that I am very serious. How do I do that? What do I do if she doesn't go?

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[guitarguy09]

If you've given that ultimatum, you really do need to follow through with it. I would suggest contacting a divorce attorney and/or having papers drawn up. I agree that is a big red line. Whatever you do, if you commit to getting her into counseling or else be prepared to follow through whatever it takes. This will take some intestinal fortitude.

[an0ught]

Like guitarguy said,

boundaries have consequences for us. You can't really force someone. You may be able to lean on someone but ultimately it is their decision. Considering that you perceive she has overstepped a critical boundary it does not make sense to play poker. If you threaten something and she does not go she just learned a lesson that you definitely don't want her to learn.

Read up on DEARMAN, Assertiveness and Boundaries.

[HopefulDad]

She doesn't go to therapy, you move out.  For something like a death threat, that kind of cause-and-effect is very justified.  "But I was just angry.  I wouldn't actually kill you!"  Sorry, no dice.  Unacceptable.

You.  Must.  Follow.  Through.