6 years marriages, 3 years my knowledge of BPD, and now divorcing

[Mike76]

Hello,   

This is my first posting "Family lay, Divorcing Thread's"  most of been in staying, and a few in leaving.

I am going to start reading through some of the divorcing threads, to hopefully find support and learning from other peoples goals and others learning curves.

A little about me, I have now been married to my dBPDw for 6 years, I knew something was not right just a few months after we got married, suspected BPD 3-4 years ago, been confident for the past 2, and she was officially diagnosed  about 8 months ago   The only treatment she has received up to this point we weekly counseling, I am also not please with the level of knowledge her counselor has with BPD.

I have told me wife I am going to seek a divorce and she is highly against and says she will not cooperate.

I met with a divorce attorney the other day, only to find out the ins\outs of types of divorce and how I might proceed.  I have not retained or filled any papers yet.   I was able to learn out different types of divorce, and ask the questions on how it might work if my wife holds out. 

I did receive a few comments from the attorney that could be just talk, but they did make me feel good.   They said "it seems you have done all you can do, and you may have more then I have scene in the past",  the attorney also said "I can say this with some confidence, you are the most at peace and confidante with your decision then I have ever scene"

The question the have for all you is the following... .   How many of you have had spouses that refuse to cooperate with the proceedings and make you wait the law for the divorce to go through without their consent?  (In I would need to wait 2 years)

[momtara]

My marriage was 6 years too.  Sounds like there are no kids in the picture?  I don't know how I can be helpful with this, but hang in there.  You will learn a lot here.

[Mike76]

No kids... . I am just tired and warn out.

I used to have friends that would tell me to stick it out and try to make it work.  Even my supports have told be to leave.

[ForeverDad]

I have told me wife I am going to seek a divorce and she is highly against and says she will not cooperate.

The question the have for all you is the following... .   How many of you have had spouses that refuse to cooperate with the proceedings and make you wait the law for the divorce to go through without their consent?  (In I would need to wait 2 years)

If one spouse wishes to divorce and the other doesn't, in most countries no court would oppose a divorce.  In short, she can't stop you from divorcing.  Yes, she could delay it, but she can't stop it.  She could make it painful but she can't stop it.  She could make it expensive but she can't stop it.

The point is that while you can try to pick a time when she *might* cooperate, waiting for cooperation could make it become an even greater delay to unwinding the marriage.  You can't control what she does or doesn't do.  Yes, you can be careful to reduce the risk of triggering an overreaction, but the only control you really have is over your own actions.

Plan well, have a strategy, then proceed.