Are we really split up ... or not?

[OldnTired]

So in a rage he decided I am a monster and our relationship is now ended. But we can still be friends, still live together, still keep house as before. We have no intimate relationship anyway and sleep in separate bedrooms so this is no big deal for me. But when I told him I had let a couple of mutual friends know we are now split up he went into another rage. He became very abusive and a little bit violent.

OK - what gives? It seems we were not really split up until I went public about it. Then we had a big fight and split up but for real. There is something funny going on here which is to do with our public 'face' and whether or not we are a couple. He has come down again now but has decided "nobody needs to know we are split up". This is very confusing. Does anybody know what is going on here?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

He became very abusive and a little bit violent.

OldnTired, I don't know that anyone can say with 100% certainty what gives with your partner.  Are you comfortable living with a man that can be very abusive and a little bit violent no matter the circumstances?

Please take a look at the Safety First link, okay? --->

Your wellbeing is paramount

[OldnTired]

Thanks 123Phoebe. It was pretty scary as he has never ever been like that before. He is very gentle normally. I removed myself to safety as soon as he got like that.

I've seen a post from  In_n_Out   Topic: Dealing with the "push/pull"?

I've seen that reference before too and I think that is what is happening with me. I think he is rejecting me by splitting us up but he doesn't want to burn his bridges by going public with that. I think I have to wait now to see where this goes.

[bruceli]

So in a rage he decided I am a monster and our relationship is now ended. But we can still be friends, still live together, still keep house as before. We have no intimate relationship anyway and sleep in separate bedrooms so this is no big deal for me. But when I told him I had let a couple of mutual friends know we are now split up he went into another rage. He became very abusive and a little bit violent.

OK - what gives? It seems we were not really split up until I went public about it. Then we had a big fight and split up but for real. There is something funny going on here which is to do with our public 'face' and whether or not we are a couple. He has come down again now but has decided "nobody needs to know we are split up". This is very confusing. Does anybody know what is going on here?

He's split from you but you can't split from him... . until he paints you entirely black and discards you.  As my PDgf would put it.  "I don't want to be in a relationship with you but can't stand the idea of anyone else having you so I must stay... . for now... . until I TOTALLY get tired of you."  Classic... . I hate you, don't leave me.