B/W thinking and religion

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

So we're starting another small group study at our church.  The book is selected by the pastor and 8-10 groups all meet and discuss it during the week, hoping to get both the benefits of a small group and consistency across the church.

True to form my uBPDw immediately starts investigating the author.  It's a massive exercise to discredit the author ("see, so-and-so is quoted on the dust jacket and his book had so-and-so on the dust jacket saying it was inspirational and that person belongs to a group the Mr. Meanie belongs to so we shouldn't be using this book at church... . "

When the class starts she doesn't want to talk about what's written in the book, because of all the connections that invalidate anything the author says.  In the past I tried to steer her away from it during class, telling her to meet with the pastor directly to discuss her concerns, but that didn't usually help.

So most people on this board lament that their BPD is seen by others as a 'keeper' and the BPD would come as a surprise.

Now I'm in a situation where at least the B/W thinking, and mini-rage will happen in our small group.  This is the first time since my finding out about BPD that we'll be in this situation.

Has anyone tried SET in a semi-public situation?  I'm not sure I can pull it off without sounding odd.

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[Chosen]

Hi IsItHerOrIsItMe 

My uBPDh has similar types of thinking ("this author is rubbish/ theologically wrong and should not be promoted in the church", but I guess the "good" thing is he'll just not go to the group. 

Is it mandatory that you join the small group, or does your wife want it?  Does she goes on complaining about the book in front of the other members?  If so, then that's her problem.  I would suggest you to use SET maybe after the group time, when the two of you are alone.  You don't want to be using the group time to bring her to the centre of attention.  It is likely that some people will disagree with her/ ignore her, so if you can listen and validate at home, maybe she'll feel better.

I'm sorry you are stuck in this hard place.  I know nothing you say in the group will work wonders- it won't change her views.  Actually I think it's best for her not to go... . but if she insists then you'll have to let her join anyway... .

Take care!