Seriously makes me wonder...

[Broken25]

So, I made a BIG mistake today. I looked up my ex on facebook. I was bored and curious. First it didn't phase me, now it is. She looks so happy being married. I tried to give her and I just that, happiness. I just don't understand why, and how they are lasting so long ?

Here I am single still after about two years, I hurt still, and she is married and pregnant. Just doesn't make sense to me.   

[winston72]

Hey Broken25... . sorry that you are feeling badly.  No fun to deal with such a realization.

I went back and reviewed some of your original posts.  Your ex seems like someone who was and likely is quite unstable.  Are you basing your opinion of her happiness in her marriage on her Facebook photo?  Does this carry more weight for you than your experiences with her?

Perhaps you could elaborate a bit on what is making you sad.  Is it your being single still and hurting?  Are you hurt and angry at her? 

[Broken25]

"Are you basing your opinion of her happiness in her marriage on her Facebook photo?" Yeah, after I messed up today and looked at her profile, which was all blocked except for her pictures. It shown her being happy with my replacement.

":)oes this carry more weight for you than your experiences with her?" Carries the same amount of weight I think. In those pictures I seen the same smile that she had when she was with me, while we were in the good part of the relationship "start, as well as very seldom times throughout." However her and I were together for just under a year. They have been together for two years now.

"Perhaps you could elaborate a bit on what is making you sad.  Is it your being single still and hurting?  Are you hurt and angry at her?" I'm not angry at her, the only times that I was ever angry at her were when I found out about the other guys that she was hiding in her phone from me. I'm sad because of still being single, and noticing that she seems happy and in a place that I wish I was "Happily married". I mentioned in a previous topic that I still have dreams about her and they are really random and few and far between. I just don't understand how they are lasting so long while her and I didn't. Granted now that I know the truth it's good that were no longer. However I once truly loved her, and dreamed about a future with her. So much for all that.

[winston72]

So, is it a sense of loss for what you hoped to have with her?  And any sense of feeling like you should have been able to make it work if this other guy has?  Just trying to help focus on the specific sources of the sadness, hurt, pain you are feeling. 

In general, it is better to give more weight to real life than photos!  But, I would struggle with seeing such a photo as well.

She did not magically get better, you can be certain of this.  Being pregnant can be a very exhilarating experience.  Having the child to raise and dealing with the emotional and practical demands can be a very terrifying and destabilizing experience for her.  So, there is much yet to happen in her life.

The path forward is to continue to focus on your own life and to create strategies for you to build the life you want... . and to find the partner you want.  We know this is true.  At the same time, it is a bummer to see such a photo and to think of what you wanted with her and do not have.  I would be bummed myself.  I would not want my ex to be happy with someone other than me!  Maybe childish, but it is how I feel.  As to these emotions for you today... . feel them... . embrace them... . howl at the moon... . and think hard about where they come from.    Learn from this... . and keep moving on as you have been trying to do. 

[Broken25]

"So, is it a sense of loss for what you hoped to have with her?  And any sense of feeling like you should have been able to make it work if this other guy has?  Just trying to help focus on the specific sources of the sadness, hurt, pain you are feeling." Exactly, and wondering why... .

"She did not magically get better, you can be certain of this."  This helped, and I thank you.