Looks like divorce..

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

To be fair, many professionals may not diagnose BPD since (1) the individual is often in Total Denial if it were to be stated and (2) in the past most insurances wouldn't pay for extended therapy since it was considered to be largely untreatable.  It's different now, there are therapies now such as DBT, but the person has to be willing to work at it, quite a few won't choose a path to recovery.

Also meds might help to reduce the extreme behaviors, but the underlying cause is still there.  It's not like Bi-polar which is primarily a hormone imbalance that meds can address, as I understand it.

[ForeverDad]

To be fair, many professionals may not diagnose BPD since (1) the individual is often in Total Denial if it were to be stated and (2) in the past most insurances wouldn't pay for extended therapy since it was considered to be largely untreatable.  It's different now, there are therapies now such as DBT, but the person has to be willing to work at it, quite a few won't choose a path to recovery.

Also meds might help to reduce the extreme behaviors, but the underlying cause is still there.  It's not like Bi-polar which is primarily a hormone imbalance that meds can address, as I understand it.

[david]

My ex ran away with our two boys in 2007. It took a few weeks to find her. Actually, she filed to have me removed from the house and that is how she was located. Months later she wanted to reconcile. Days later she accused me of more nonsense. The roller coaster ride was not fun. Later she emptied everything ( I mean everything) from our house except a journal of hers which she left in the attic. It had 8 of the 9 criteria in it for BPD all in her handwriting. A SS ( her son from her first marriage) had a textbook from when she went to college. It was 870 pages in length. There were three pages on BPD. It was older and it had the DSM III criteria instead of the current DSM IV. The only three pages that were highlighted in that book were those three pages.

Today she still accuses me of all kinds of things. I only communicate through email. If we didn't have kids together she would not find me. I would have left the area years ago for peace. I haven't spoken to her in close to three years now. It never ends with the accusations. I accept it for what it is. She has chosen to live the way she lives.

[hurthusband]

To be fair, many professionals may not diagnose BPD since (1) the individual is often in Total Denial if it were to be stated and (2) in the past most insurances wouldn't pay for extended therapy since it was considered to be largely untreatable.  It's different now, there are therapies now such as DBT, but the person has to be willing to work at it, quite a few won't choose a path to recovery.

Also meds might help to reduce the extreme behaviors, but the underlying cause is still there.  It's not like Bi-polar which is primarily a hormone imbalance that meds can address, as I understand it.

That is a a good, but scary point you made about insurance companies not covering treatment.  I surely hope that doctors are not misdiagnosing because they are thinking about making a buck.  At same time, they are people like rest of us and you see all the pain management dispensers around.  Some are just out for a buck, besides, its expensive to be a doctor so they gotta earn a living i suppose

I know insurance doesnt cover my wife and her DBT treatment.  I wish it did.  Unfortunately, my job does not provide insurance so stuck with individual policies which means

a. the best individual polices grandfatherd in before Obamacare do not cover mental illness

b. I cannot find a doctor that does DBT that is NOT out of network with Obamacare's best policy.  Of course, the Obamacare out of network only covers 40% AFTER a $3000 seperate deductible and costs twice as much premium wise

One thing I have learned through all of this is that our country does not address mental health at all, and all the new plans which I hoped would help basically do nothing because nobody accepts them that is qualified or the costs of new plans exceed the old plans

... one thing through this all is while I do not know how sick I am, I have learned that I am sick.  I am either the monster she portrays me as or I am sick in that i believe alot of what she says or i put up with it.  I do not like either at all.  I do not understand why things changed so much.  I do not know how to leave knowing that she will not make it without me.  I do not know how to leave period without feeling evil and broken

[ForeverDad]

Research homework:  Stockholm Syndrome.  Victims over time become enmeshed with their abductors.  You were emotionally abducted and manipulated.  Time and distance will help, so will counseling.

Dr Joe Carver, a clinical psychologist, has a website with excellent handouts.  One is about Losers, Users & Abusers.  Another is about the effects of Stockholm Syndrome.

[maxen]

One thing I have learned through all of this is that our country does not address mental health at all

i certainly sympathize, but from what i understand from the canadian posters here it's no different for them, at least. its a pretty bad situation all over.

I am either the monster she portrays me as or I am sick in that i believe alot of what she says or i put up with it.  I do not like either at all.  I do not understand why things changed so much.  I do not know how to leave knowing that she will not make it without me.  I do not know how to leave period without feeling evil and broken

a hard place to be. i wouldn't call being concerned for the welfare of another person, maybe even a little too much, "sick", and i wouldn't call being concerned for your own welfare "evil." it really is an illness. you didn't cause it and you can't cure it. she can't be held responsible for having the illness but she can be held responsible for not examining her own patterns and addressing them, and she certainly can be held responsible for abusing others, viz, you. quite obviously you're not a monster.

[hurthusband]

Research homework:  Stockholm Syndrome.  Victims over time become enmeshed with their abductors.  You were emotionally abducted and manipulated.  Time and distance will help, so will counseling.

Dr Joe Carver, a clinical psychologist, has a website with excellent handouts.  One is about Losers, Users & Abusers.  Another is about the effects of Stockholm Syndrome.

didnt even occur to me that it could be that...