Flight is booked... pilgrimage begins

[arn131arn]

When things happened the way the did a little over three months ago, I like so many here, couldn't stop the pain. There was moments where I wanted out, that I wanted them out, some kind of answer from a God I never believed in, anyone, someone had to know, I couldn't go on like this, someone?

I started to not only hear advice well intentioned people were telling me, but more importantly doing it. Someone on this site said to meditate. Great! Sure! Sounds nice! But how! Research. Google. Books. Credit card. Mail. UPS. Doorstep.

Trust me, a guy like me has never or would have never thought about meditating in a million years. I had no idea how to do it, and to tell you the truth, I still don't know how to do it very we'll. So, I bought a few books and am learning. "When things fall apart: heart advice for difficult times" is a great book that offers some insight into when things are so painful maybe the best thing for us to do is be present with it and sit in it and feel it. But meditating every morning before getting out of bed, breathing, and letting my thoughts come and go is grounding me. I don't know how or why, but I'm enjoying this new ritual I do with me every day. I was always looked down on Bc I never agreed with her Christian beliefs. Not that I disliked them, I just didn't know or care enough about them, and for that I was made to feel less than.

So, I booked a flight to Thailand today for the end of July and will stay there a week and fly to Vietnam for another week. I am going to Southeast Asia because I want to see these Buddhist temples, speak to the monks, learn and see and eat things I've never dreamed of doing in my life... . And I'm going to do it all by myself.

I'm just a man who has never left his hometown. Sure, I've been to a few of the bordering states around me, but I have never even been outside of the country before. When I was in nursing school, I dreamed of being a travel nurse, so we could travel and live/see new places. And those dreams/plans/future we made, those were mine too, and they still are. I am going to experience, learn, and see what I've always wanted to- why?

Because I can... .

[Dog biscuit]

 

Wow, Arn that really good news! Something to look forward to! How exiciting!

[Surnia]

Cool, arn! 

Doing things you never did before is really great. Courageous steps - looking forward to hear more about it.

[Aussie0zborn]

Good move. I spent all of January in Vietnam. The wonder, scenery, culture and excellent food allowed me to forget about my woes and realise how irrelevant and unimportant my stbx uBPD wife is.

When you find your balance you soon realise that your pwBPD is a just one tiny grain of sand on a huge beach, totally irrelevant to your own wellbeing. You will soon wonder why you sacrificed so much for that one speck of sand when nobody else notices it amongst millions of others. I realised I paid too much attention to that little speck and it devoured all 6'2" of me. I was able to shake off the BPD affliction overnight. It's kind of like getting covered in dust then taking a shower and you're perfectly clean again.

Doing something for yourself will be the best part. Visiting the temples and learning about meditation I'm sure will add a whole new dimension that I'm not familiar with.

Enjoy your trip. I am confident you will come back refreshed and with a new focus and direction, ready to jump the upcoming hurdles with ease. I, like the others here, look forward to hearing about it. Bon Voyage!

[BlushAndBashful]

That sounds utterly amazing. I hope it's a wonderful trip! 

[GaGrl]

You may want to spend some time at Wat Po... . it is the primary center for the monks who practice and teach Thai massage, which is based on yoga positioning.

[arn131arn]

Good move. I spent all of January in Vietnam. The wonder, scenery, culture and excellent food allowed me to forget about my woes and realise how irrelevant and unimportant my stbx uBPD wife is.

When you find your balance you soon realise that your pwBPD is a just one tiny grain of sand on a huge beach, totally irrelevant to your own wellbeing. You will soon wonder why you sacrificed so much for that one speck of sand when nobody else notices it amongst millions of others. I realised I paid too much attention to that little speck and it devoured all 6'2" of me. I was able to shake off the BPD affliction overnight. It's kind of like getting covered in dust then taking a shower and you're perfectly clean again.

Doing something for yourself will be the best part. Visiting the temples and learning about meditation I'm sure will add a whole new dimension that I'm not familiar with.

Enjoy your trip. I am confident you will come back refreshed and with a new focus and direction, ready to jump the upcoming hurdles with ease. I, like the others here, look forward to hearing about it. Bon Voyage!

Aussie, I was thinking S Vietnam. Maybe 4 days in dalat then a 7 hr bus and 3 more days in Saigon?

[guitargrl]

Wow Arn….that sound so awesome!  Way to go, doing something like this for yourself!

[DiamondSW]

Good for you!

I've been reading your stories of pain (as you've probably been reading mine!) for all of those months and I'm proud of you for trying something new and rather brave.

Arn -I think my friend you're reaching the point of 'closure' not because you don't still feel pain/hurt and feel afraid, but becuase you and I have both read every damn article we can get our hands on about BPD, spoken to everyone, and finally realised just to get some space and free ourselves for a bit... .   take the pressure off! 

When you feel afraid/nervous on your trip, make damn sure you pick up a cold beer and think of the people here patting you on the back and sending our best wishes.  We may never meet but my God I'd happily buy you a cold one and shake your hand.

Well done.  Respect to you.   

[starshine]

What an awesome thing to do for yourself!  I hope your trip is wonder-full and filled with many magical moments and lots of love and laughter.   

[cosmonaut]

That sounds like a great adventure, arn!  It's inspiring that you've been able to come so far.  Those of beginning on the path to detaching from our pwBPD find stories like yours very encouraging.  You've come a long, long way.  Congrats!

Bon voyage!