I'm not crazy... right?

[missmyseester]

I want to introduce myself. I have an uBPDsis. I'm 34 and she is 32. No kids for either of us. I recently heard about BPD while unknowingly being MC with her after our biggest blowup to date. I also believe my mom to be uBPDm. I want to just start off with a list of sorts of the questionable behaviors of my sister.  I will do another post detailing our latest feud and my tough decision with it all. I guess I'm just hoping to be validated that this is not normal... .


-Has had many different jobs. Bad talks every previous employer like THEY are unprofessional and wrong.

-has changed career path too many times to count. (writer, cop, paralegal, lawyer, and now criminal psychology). These are only what she studies or talks about. None of these has ever been followed through.

-had a very promiscuous past (more so in her 20s)

-got engaged once to a 19yr old when she was about 25 after knowing/partying with him for about 2-4months.

-seems to cry "sexual harassment" too often when SHE was the one perusing her manager, friend, coworker,etc.

-too often she will act obviously "pouty" and when asked "what's wrong?", she snaps back "ugh! Nothing!"

-has had a history of drug abuse (I'm hoping she is past that now, but always a worry)

-has a reason to not like all of my female friends. Will seem to enjoy them one day then act dismissive of them the next time for some reason... . almost bhity.

-my in-laws are so sweet and generous. They welcome my sister in as family as if she was me. However my sister, when invited to dinner or holiday with them, will not give an answer as to whether or not she will attend until last minute. Even if she goes at all. She acts like she "may" have something more important. She always acts surprised she is invited because she says it's "not her family". Seems pretty unappreciative and rude to me.

-she exaggerates illness like no other! A headache becomes a migraine., a hand cramp is carpal tunnel syndrome, menstrual cramps are bursting cysts. She has thought (and told people) she possibly had MS. When Dr said she didnt, she felt he was wrong. One time, because of bad menstrual cramps, a Dr suggested eliminating the possibility of cancer. She of course, was a mess thinking she now has cancer. When the results came back that she did not have it, she said "ugh! I just wish it was cancer so I knew what was wrong". I thought that was completely insensitive.

-she does not seem to have any friends. I never hear about her hanging out with anyone. She never wants to invite anyone to come hang out with us. She only seems to keep in contact with ex-boyfriends (or boy toys) when she is bored/lonely.

-she gets herself into financial troubles. She kept saying she was pretty sure she would be getting fired soon at a job (because management was stupid of course) and took a vacation. Came back and was fired (she had taken a total of 4weeks off in only 6mos). Blamed management for wrongful termination. She ASSUMED she could collect unemployment so she did not have a sense of urgency in finding a new job. Found out 4weeks later she was not approved for unemployment (said it was governments fault). She then had no money and no job and my husband and I rescued her and had her move in with us at that time.

-she criticizes and judges me and my husband. She would make condescending comments if my husband and I wanted to watch tv, like we were lazy or something. She would make snide comments if I had to touch up my makeup before going out, like I was superficial (I'm a makeup artist/hairstylist). I really could go on-and-on here... .

These are just SOME of the things that have happened before I heard about BPD recently. Ive always known something was "off" about her. Maybe bipolar? Maybe narcissistic? Maybe just crazy? I felt a sense of relief to hear other people's stories and discover that I'M not crazy.

Hoping to connect with other nonBP's of BPD siblings

-MissMySeester

[Sitara]

Welcome missmyseester. I have a uBPD mom. I can't say for sure if my sis is also BPD. She exhibits a lot of the same behaviors, but I can't tell if she just picked them up from my mom or if she is truly BPD. We've never been close, so although I often wonder, I don't really feel secure in all out saying I'm sure she has it.

A lot of the behaviors you mentioned I've also experienced with my family. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced them too. Finding people who understand can be a big help too.

What are your personal goals here?

[StarStruck]

 

Feel for you having this to contend with this at all. It's hard trying to work it out but the instinct drives us to find answers which in turn helps us come to terms with it, helping us to manage the impact on our lives, which has only got to be a good thing. It's hard to tell for sure about your sister, to give a definitive answer but I'd say if you have an instinct somethings off, keep learning about personality disorders including BPD that lead you here.

What people tend to find is that they've been caught up in it, maybe all their lives without realizing and doubt what the truth is ('is it me, have I got this wrong'. Other clues are looking at the family of origin (FOO) to explain why they have developed the way they have. Sometimes a family tree of dysfunction is there. Lack of empathy being handed down or parents being the other way; over the top with their children (both ways demonstrating abusive behaviors). I have come to see that different pd's can be within a FOO. Look at the role of co dependents too and invalidating behavior/actions/remarks.

Good luck with your journey

[clljhns]

Hi missmyseester,

I am new to the group myself. So glad I read your post! A lot of what you describe is what I have also seen in my siblings and mother. My mother is uBPD, and fits the criteria to a T! My sister who is two years older than me has been exhibiting these symptoms for years, but I did not have contact with her for almost fifteen years. When we reconnected in 2004, I was elated to have her back. I must say that it was a nightmare. I felt like she was sucking all my life force right out of my body. Nothing was ever enough to satisfy her. She first told us that she had an unknown medical problem. She spent the next year bouncing from doctor to doctor telling everyone that she has pancreatitis. She called me in 2006 and told me that she new would be dead by January of 2007. She is still alive and kicking! She constantly complained of all kinds of illnesses that were not there. She came into the state I lived in unannounced on a whim and asked to spend time with me. I called my boss and requested a day off before our Easter break. This is unheard of in my profession, but he agreed to give me the extra day. I called her to tell her that I had made the arrangements and was looking forward to our visit. The next day she did not show up, nor call. I called her at 10 am and she seemed unconcerned that I had to pull strings to get the day off. She didn't understand my frustration when I told her I went through a great deal of trouble to do this, and wanted to know when she was coming to my house. She calmly explained that she just didn't know if she could make it, she was visiting with our older sister an hour away. She calmly told me to not be upset and she might get by latter in the afternoon, but would definitely be there by 5 pm to eat with my family and spend the night! At this point I should have told her to catch a freight train out of town. I was hurt and bewildered. I felt guilty that I was hurt by her actions! I took on the role of protector and rescuer for her for years! I am the youngest, so this added an interesting dynamic to the relationship. She would blow into my life and sometimes stay for months, when she wanted time away from her husband. She didn't like any of my friends, hated my husband, and constantly talked about all the bad people in the world. She was known for her explosive temper, and yet would tell me that I had buried rage! She threw things when she got angry, even shot out a window with a shotgun with her first husband. She denigrated herself one minute and then would tell you how much she had done for others, as if she were Mother Teresa. CRAZY! My last email with her was a long explanation of how she knew that I had contempt for her and that I was talking about her to others. Unreal! My oldest sister now thinks that aliens were responsible for the abuse we endured as children, and my brother wouldn't know the truth if it hit him in the face. His children have a very difficult time having a relationship with him, and have all but cut ties with him.

I could spend hours recounting all of the blood letting I endured with these people I call family. I chose to close of my vein, and stop letting them bleed me dry. I hope that my story helps you understand that you are NOT the one with the problem. I also hope that you can find the courage and the power to let go of this tornado. You can't stop 200 mph winds, just step out of the path. I hope this doesn't sound harsh or judgmental. I tend to use sarcasm, so please know that I wish you and your family the very best!