Hey BPD community!
Me and my undiagnosed BPDex broke up 7 month ago. Our last contact was in October around my birthday when she finally told me that she is seeing someone else. I was at a really bad place until the beginning of this year until I decided to work on myself and stop grieving. I did lots of sport and lost 9kg since the beginning of this year. I met a lot of new people and went out a lot. I even went on a study trip to Asia until last week Sunday. It was very fun there but ever since I came back I am feeling very bad again. I see all those people around me in their happy relationships enjoying the sunny days and then think of my horrible relationship with my ex. I started out to wonderful and was just horrible for the last 6 month. If I imagine her enjoying the sunny days with her new boyfriend I feel like . I know that she wasn't good for me and that our relationship was very toxic... but I can't help imagining that things between her and the new guy are going well.
Since she totally cut me off I have no clue how her relationship with my replacement is going or if they are still together at all.
Anyway, I feel so betrayed. She told me so many times that I am the first guy she ever loved that way... . it took her 2 month to date another guy. I feel like I didn't know her at all. I never imagined she would be capable of cutting me off like that and replacing me right away.
Felt like posting it here since my friends are probably tired of hearing me talking about my ex.
betrayal takes a long time to process and get over. it sounds like you've been doing all kinds of amazing things lately and you should commend yourself for this. 7 months is enough to get you out of the initial extreme stages of grief (weight loss, etc.) but you will experience ups and downs for some time to come. just understand that this is normal and that you aren't moving 'slow'. i would say that you are doing well in the slow process of recovery since you are taking action and living your life, traveling, making friends. you will still hurt, but you are also taking strides and making good memories along the way.
and regarding her living happily ever after with the replacement--puuuleeease! really? hells no. that guy is going to go through hell just like you. and the guy/gal after that. the biggest and most common BPD LIE, and seemingly their favorite way to emotionally abuse their lovers is to make believe that they aren't broken individuals and that they are actually 'happy' with some new person. because this would mean that *you* were the problem stopping them from being happy--um, but, except the fact that *they* are the problem and all their craziness follows them like that stinky cloud followed Pigpen from Charlie Brown. rub your hands together and do an evil laugh (just kidding) and realize the next guy is the next victim. in time you will feel sorry for him.
and also don't believe for a second her telling you it took her 2 months to date another guy--she wouldn't take the initiative to abruptly end the r/s with you unless she already had something lined up. sad but true. she's not going to be alone voluntarily for even a second, let alone 2 months. *maybe* if you broke up with her abruptly she would have found a replacement in a few weeks or so but if she left unless you were in real life dangerous to her or something then she's probably lying about the whole 2 month ordeal. as if.
you're awesome and a world traveler. you will begin to become more aware of things and not believe her lie of a life over time... starting now with believing you had anything to do with her issues or that she's somehow happier now with someone else. take care dansure
