Beyond belief

[Winifred]

I haven't posted in over two months because we have been dealing with the worst crisis since our 33-year old BPD daughter began showing symptoms at 13. Two months ago her psychotic boyfriend and father of her baby locked her in her apartment, barred the door, and tortured and threatened her for over two hours. The 8 month old baby was asleep in the bedroom. When he began to talk about how he would kill her, she went over the second story balcony to save herself. She crushed her heel like an egg besides other injuries. She spent a week in the hospital and then almost two months in a care facility. The police got him right away. He's in jail and is looking at significant prison time. We have the baby, now a year old, and she's the sweetest, most precious little human imaginable. One would think that this would end her infatuation with that psycho creep, but no, the drama continues. She was in third party contact with him until the police found out; she's claiming that my husband, her father, beat her (a complete fantasy and a lie) and that's why she's attracted to violent men. She may not get custody of her daughter again because the authorities aren't sure she will ever provide a safe environment. The only good that has come out of this is that our granddaughter is now safe and flourishing with us. BPD is one of the most destructive of disorders (I know I'm preaching to the choir), and I'm so glad this forum is here and that the word is getting out about how awful BPD is for everyone associated with the sufferer. Life goes on.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lindaura3]

Oh dear,

That was a terribly sad ordeal to hear about.  How difficult it must be to sort through all the craziness and trauma, when your daughter will already have so many persecutional delusions. To have them come true must have been awful for all of you.

it is so sad that she keeps going back to him.

However, now that you are taking care of the baby, does this mean you can continue to have custody, temporary or otherwise?

I am profoundly impressed by your resilience and I wish you all the best.

good luck,

Lindaura

[jellibeans]

Dear Winifred

I remember your story... . I am so sorry to read of your dd encounter with her bf... . can you tell us a bit more... . where is your dd living? When is the court date for this? What are your dd plans going forward? I am glad you are there for her to care for the baby but at some point the baby needs her mama too... . how do you see this all going?

[qcarolr]

Winifred - I am so happy that you have your dear gd in your home. What is the status of this for you - ie, legal custody? That has been the hardest part for my dh and I over time. Our gd will be 9 in June. She has always lived in our home. We were not so good with the boundaries as you and have allowed DD and her bf's in our home. No more. Gd is making great progress in her therapy, and we are transforming Dd's room into a project room.

Our DD still uses her anger at our permanent legal custody of gd8 against us, and I am too sensitive to this from her. If I could go back a do it over again, I would have found the courage and strength to become a kinship foster home through social services and pursued adoption of gd through the family court when she was the age of your gd. My dh has never been willing to submit to the evaluation process so we did the legal custody privately and with the support of gd's daddy. He has been out of our state for many years with very limited contact like once a year letter or call. Gd does not remember him and does not want anything to do with him. She also wants nothing to do with her mom at this point.

I went back a read all your posts and they are so encouraging for me to stay strong in our limits with DD. To see her mirroring of whoever she is with more clearly. It helps me to remember that though she is appreciative and compliant while in jail, when she gets out things will most likely flip again. She refuses even the court ordered therapy, and treats the psych meds. as a compliment to the street drugs. I need to work harder at the verify verify verify process and not believe what she tells me at face value.

I also hope a time comes when you DD can extricate herself from the crazy bf, though that is her life indeed. You are a strong woman -- hang in there an enjoy your little gd. It has been a big commitment to raise a grandchild. And they need all that love you can give them.

qcr