Abortion

[peace in steel town]

Boy, has your story really struck a chord with us since yesterday. Same story, only our dd is 19, and her  16 year old boyfriend's family want the abortion, or give up for adoption. As you said, no easy answers. We are supporting her in keeping the baby, we refuse to let them move in with us, and refuse to raise the baby ourselves. Her decisions got her to where she is. As far as the child growing up in a difficult situation, none of us like our childhood, you can be the beacons in the child's life, and it's still better than the "what if" game. Good luck.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Pizzas123]

You are right.  We will be there for this little one no matter what.  My daughter's in-laws have made a similar resolve, although they live in a different state.  All my husband and I can do now is take it a day at a time, which I know you all do, as well, in your situations.  I wish so much life didn't have to be so hard, but it is what it is.  Thanks everyone, for your kindness and concern.

[momtara]

You should be happy with yourself.  You saved yourself a lifetime of regrets.  Once you get to know that baby, you won't believe you even considered an ab.

[Pizzas123]

Thank you, momtara, and everyone.  You have no idea how your words have had a very calming effect on me, and I can't say thanks enough.  Thank good ness for all of you.

Now that she is keeping the baby my next worry is that it's healthy, given my daughters history.  And after that, I worry about the sort of mom a person with BPD can be.  But since DD is not now using drugs, I see a big change in her, so that is a positive.  I take the little tiny positives and cling to them every day. 

[momtara]

Babies are pretty hearty.  They withstand a lot.  Even if the baby has problems, your daughter is young so it probably will be a pretty healthy baby.  My friends adopted a baby from a pothead who took a lot of oxycontin and he's fine.  Not to say that that's great, but. 

You are pretty lucky.  You would have been blamed for pushing her into abortion forever, even if it wasn't her fault.  Make sure you support her now because she'll need it, esp if the father is against her!

[busyscmom]

I sure can understand what you're going through!

My 21 year old daughter is also pregnant.  She also has cystic fibrosis and her pulmonologist has warned her that this could possibly shorten her life, but she seems determined to have this baby.  (The average life expectancy for CF is 36.) It is likely she won't live long enough to see this child grow up, but that doesn't seem to sink in to her.

She is semi-broken up from the child's father. He is off in basic training for the army right now and she says they're not together, but they write and talk every other week.  She has a history of toying with boyfriends, while dating others.  So who knows what their true relationship is. He is a really nice guy and he truly loves her.  I just want to tell him to run and not look back. 

I tried to talk her into an abortion. She didn't know she was pregnant and drank alcohol.  She has also been on IV meds for a serious respiratory infection.  Her own health is also at risk, so I felt justified in making her feel comfortable about terminating the pregnancy. But we had one of the worst arguments we've ever had over it. She normally comes home from school every weekend, but I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. 

She told me today she is keeping the baby. She is in college part-time, living in the "ex" boyfriend's apartment while he's away, and has no job.  She tries to work, but is sick so often, she gets fired.

She doesn't know what she's going to do and has no plans. I'm heart broken and can't think of anything else.  She refuses to go into therapy; even her pulmonologist (who my daughter respects) has tried to refer her to one.

You are not alone.  I am crying right now writing this. I understand how you're feeling because I'm feeling the same way. 

Praying that God will give us strength and guidance.

[Pizzas123]

Busyscmom,

I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. Our stories are very similar, although my daughter doesn't have the added health problem, which must really add to your worries.   My heart goes out to you.  I wish I could hug you.

Wow, it's amazing what life hands us, isn't it?  I said on another post that I didn't sign up for this life, I wanted an easier one!  :'(

I will remember you in my prayers.  Warm thoughts and hugs.

[momtara]

BusyScmom, that is a lot to deal with.  I'm so sorry.  Hang in there.  If she ends up having the baby, maybe that baby will have a good life after all.  I know you want to tell the dad to run, but you're all gonna need him (unless he's got mental health issues too!)