i was just remembering watching silver linings playbook together

[Depression = 72% of members]

Near the end of our relationship we watched the movie together.  He was emotional and quiet after the movie.  We went outside and sat on his front porch.  He started to apologize for his behavior in the relationship. He seemed to be authentic in his apology.  We had a good talk.  I hadn't felt this before from him in the past, the couple of times he apologized for something he was very detached and lacking sincerity. (seemed to me anyhow) always found a way to twist it around to be my fault too. This time was very different.

My ex never disclosed BPD as i have mentioned before. Having the distance i have now and learning more about BPD , i know this was most likely the missing piece i never knew about. He wanted to tell me but was afraid. I'm pretty certain of it at this point.

I feel sad thinking about that night now.

[corraline]

Near the end of our relationship we watched the movie together.  He was emotional and quiet after the movie.  We went outside and sat on his front porch.  He started to apologize for his behavior in the relationship. He seemed to be authentic in his apology.  We had a good talk.  I hadn't felt this before from him in the past, the couple of times he apologized for something he was very detached and lacking sincerity. (seemed to me anyhow) always found a way to twist it around to be my fault too. This time was very different.

My ex never disclosed BPD as i have mentioned before. Having the distance i have now and learning more about BPD , i know this was most likely the missing piece i never knew about. He wanted to tell me but was afraid. I'm pretty certain of it at this point.

I feel sad thinking about that night now.

[fromheeltoheal]

That is a very emotionally engaging movie, and to me it sounds like getting emotionally engaged with it gave him permission to drop the game for a minute.  Plus having the two lead characters have challenges of their own probably helped him identify and connect a little better.

I saw that movie after I left her, and there's a scene near the end, after Bradley Cooper chases her down the street, where she says ":)o you really love me?" with pure, pristine vulnerability, beautiful, in fact so real it won her an Oscar.  Bradley says yes and off into the feel-good sunset they go, and us along with them.  I want that.  I want that badly.  Mine always kept herself from me, there was always a distance.  Can't blame her entirely, I picked her, had my own sht, plenty of it.  Grow, heal, get a fcking clue, make myself ready for a healthy girl, get my own silver lining.

[corraline]

heel2heal

I want that.  I want that badly.  Mine always kept herself from me, there was always a distance.  Can't blame her entirely, I picked her, had my own sht, plenty of it.  Grow, heal, get a fcking clue, make myself ready for a healthy girl, get my own silver lining.

right along with ya!

[HappyNihilist]

My exbf saw this without me, and I never really had a desire to see it. He really liked it and told me I should watch it, and I said I would with him... . but we never got the chance. He said that Jennifer Lawrence's character reminded him a lot of me. We were not in the best place at the time, so I didn't watch it then, and I've still not seen it -- it's too painful right now, I'm actually crying just typing this. I do wonder what he was trying to tell me, though.

[Take2]

I saw it with my ex... .   he didn't seem to register anything remotely connected to himself... . I did though.  I didn't know about it was about at all before we went - I don't think he did either.  But there was no indication that he felt any connection at all to it.   There were a few times during our r/s that he showed true remorse for certain actions.  It was a very rare occasion and he would quickly seem to forget anything about it and be back to blaming everything on me... .    but the thought of the movie hurts me inside.  I couldn't watch it again... .     I miss him so much... .

[momtara]

That movie annoyed me.  Oh, look at the funny mentally ill people!  Ha ha!  Why would his ex, who has a restraining order against him, show up for his dance contest?  Maybe I'm too harsh.  Anyway, I do see parallels with a BPD relationship.  I am glad it got at least one person to apologize, but he may not have even known himself what BPD was... .

[corraline]

I think that movie had criticisms from the mental health profession.

In the the case of my ex , he knew all about BPD.  He was in the mental health profession himself.

[Learning_curve74]

I watched it with my gf and she really liked it. I liked it too except for the trite "happily ever after" ending. Movies and stories have an ending, real life goes on.

My gf told me the first time around that she didn't know why she cheated but then said it was to hurt me and to hurt herself. She definitely has abandonment issues and trouble believing that she deserves somebody who cares for her since she has trouble believing she has self-worth. She is a survivor which is commendable to a point, but there is a lot more to being a healthy human beyond simply surviving.

[HappyNihilist]

My exbf saw this without me, and I never really had a desire to see it. He really liked it and told me I should watch it, and I said I would with him... . but we never got the chance. He said that Jennifer Lawrence's character reminded him a lot of me. We were not in the best place at the time, so I didn't watch it then, and I've still not seen it -- it's too painful right now, I'm actually crying just typing this. I do wonder what he was trying to tell me, though.

OK, after reading a little bit about the movie and seeing that Jennifer Lawrence's character is a recovering sex addict, I remember what else he told me when he said that -- "I hesitate to tell you this because her character is kind of a slut and I don't want you to misinterpret me."   I'm going to choose to believe he meant that, because while I may be very sexual, I'm not a slut. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Even though we weren't in the best place in our r/s, when he was telling me this, he was being more emotionally open than I'd seen in a long time. The movie really did touch him. The part of me that will always love him wishes we'd gotten a chance to watch it together. But the rational, self-preserving part of me doesn't.