What goes aroung comes around.

[AG]

I'm in so much f*** pain and I think Im going goddamn crazy. I feel like my brain is a damn toy that my ex used and discarded when it was broken. I know this is spiteful but for some reason I feel like I need it. What I am asking for is for any stories that anyone has of karma coming back to smack they're ex's right in the face. Please share any if any.

[cron65]

I felt the same way for a while. ... but this is a sick person you have dealt with. Your anger is normal. Let it go 'cause it isn't going to help you. Don't forget, they are toxic to everyone, esp. themselves. Their misery is never ending.

Life is not fair and I too feel le you sometimes and hope the worst for her... but in the end, where does that get you?

Be positive and pray.

cron 65

[arielleis]

Well, I can tell you the story of my first BPD.

Let me back track a notch. I met two women with BPD and technically only found out about the condition when I ended the relationship with the second one (and got replaced two weeks after when she was professing her love to me up until the day before she writes me to tell she has someone new and is on cloud 1,000,000,000).

So, when I first broke up with a BPD I didn't know what the heck had just happened to me. I am usually very positive, uplifting, always down to do stuff with friends and for the first time I experienced depression. She had me replaced right away... . I was ___ miserable.

Fast forward 2 years. I am at a party AND the guy she had replaced me with was there as well. We had never met before but I recognized him, and so did he (thanks Facebook... . ).

What happened was kind of majestic. We shook hands and told each other "I believe I know you". "Yes, I believe I know you as well".

Turns out that she had given him a taste of the same medicine she gave me, except that it was even worse! They had already moved in together and that's when she went bat___ crazy on him.

We sat down for about an hour and compared experiences... . And she used the exact same words, techniques, routines on both of us. It was actually quite funny in hindsight. She comes from a wealthy family, so she can move VERY quickly by taking her men on holidays etc etc (I always refused those gifts, and actually refused one of her trips, which she ended up going with him).

Believe me, they keep doing the same thing over and over again. And no one puts up with them.

This brave men is now dating a very lovely girl, the opposite of our first crazy b*tch.

I think the ultimate "laugh" is if you get the chance to meet the replacement or an ex, but I would NOT advise to contact the current victim. This would mean breaking NC.

Here are my 2cts...

[Waddams]

When i broke up with xBPDgf, she tried to help my ex-wife have my 50/50 custody taken away.  It didn't happen.

Later, I found out DFCS had stepped in an taken her two boys away and sent them to her ex-husband.  Escalated from an email I sent to the ex-husband expressing concern for the boys after she left.  She wasn't feeding them, sending the to school, etc.  Their apartment was covered in pet waste when DFCS came knocking.

And she later had her oldest son (age early 20's) arrested for DV.  She'd brought him in to triangulate me a gazillion times and then apparently turned her other side towards him.  Resulted in physical confrontation she started, then escalated, then when the cops showed up she turned into pitiful woman again.  Cops hauled him off.  So he got a nice taste of her medicine as well. 

Honestly, BPD's make their own karma.  All you have to do is step out the way and let nature take it's course.

[AG]

When i broke up with xBPDgf, she tried to help my ex-wife have my 50/50 custody taken away.  It didn't happen.

Later, I found out DFCS had stepped in an taken her two boys away and sent them to her ex-husband.  Escalated from an email I sent to the ex-husband expressing concern for the boys after she left.  She wasn't feeding them, sending the to school, etc.  Their apartment was covered in pet waste when DFCS came knocking.

And she later had her oldest son (age early 20's) arrested for DV.  She'd brought him in to triangulate me a gazillion times and then apparently turned her other side towards him.  Resulted in physical confrontation she started, then escalated, then when the cops showed up she turned into pitiful woman again.  Cops hauled him off.  So he got a nice taste of her medicine as well. 

Honestly, BPD's make their own karma.  All you have to do is step out the way and let nature take it's course.

Thank You so much I needed this badly. Especially the last sentence you wrote. Thank You.

[Popcorn71]

Yea I am waiting for this too.

[restoredsight]

I don't have revenge fantasies about my ex, simply because I fear the worst is always yet to come. She may be shallowly happy from time to time, but she is unable to enjoy success or any long term meaningful thing the way that I can. We could have been looking back in 20 years at a life that was well spent, with a son in college, and years of good times and bad, but a life that we shared and enjoyed.

But that's impossible because all she has is idealized fantasies of possible futures that will never come to pass. The next guy will surely be better than the last. He's all I need, he's the answer. Nope. And so on. To add to that, she may have acquired an addiction.

She can't look back on events the way I did. She can't recall the joy that I do. Nothing about what we shared was meaningful to her. They made her happy in the moment, yes, but she doesn't appreciate those times. That's horrifying to me. Living in the moment is well and good, but being unable to recall positive feelings about events that we shared because of her issues is punishment enough. Without help, they only touch the surface of life.

It scares the hell out of me honestly. There's not a thing I'd wish on her that's worse than what she does to herself.

[AG]

I felt the same way for a while. ... but this is a sick person you have dealt with. Your anger is normal. Let it go 'cause it isn't going to help you. Don't forget, they are toxic to everyone, esp. themselves. Their misery is never ending.

Life is not fair and I too feel le you sometimes and hope the worst for her... but in the end, where does that get you?

Be positive and pray.

cron 65

Trust me I know I need happiness in the long run. But right now I feel the way I feel. I want the same maliciousness and evil intended energy directed at me to come right back around to her. I do understand shes sick but so is an alcoholic. Try telling the wife that keeps getting a black eye from the alcoholic who believes in her husband and tries encouraging him to seek help and tries offering up as much support as possible. I doubt telling her that after she put in so much effort and believed in him so much only to get discarded like garbage will make her feel any better. Im tired of feeling sorry for her. Feeling sorry for her is what got me into this in the first place. When you research this so called illness you can clearly see that these asswipes make calculated movements which requires thought and alot of it. I feel sorry for someone whos skitzo or something of that nature but BPD Im sorry at this moment I cannot find any sympathy for a person who purposefully tries to hurt the same person they reach out to help for. Pity party is on pause right now for real. I do inevitably need peace though so I definitely feel where your coming from just not right now.

[AG]

I don't have revenge fantasies about my ex, simply because I fear the worst is always yet to come. She may be shallowly happy from time to time, but she is unable to enjoy success or any long term meaningful thing the way that I can. We could have been looking back in 20 years at a life that was well spent, with a son in college, and years of good times and bad, but a life that we shared and enjoyed.

But that's impossible because all she has is idealized fantasies of possible futures that will never come to pass. The next guy will surely be better than the last. He's all I need, he's the answer. Nope. And so on. To add to that, she may have acquired an addiction.

She can't look back on events the way I did. She can't recall the joy that I do. Nothing about what we shared was meaningful to her. They made her happy in the moment, yes, but she doesn't appreciate those times. That's horrifying to me. Living in the moment is well and good, but being unable to recall positive feelings about events that we shared because of her issues is punishment enough. Without help, they only touch the surface of life.

It scares the hell out of me honestly. There's not a thing I'd wish on her that's worse than what she does to herself.

In my case mine has help and massive amounts of it. Mutiple therapist and multiple people/family to leech off of. Still doesnt make a difference. I think it only matters if they truly self reflect and truly want the help that is provided. I am starting to believe that they are way more aware then everyone thinks and actually enjoy being manipulative. Do I think they enjoy anxiety or symptoms like that but where does the anxiety even come from? I think it comes from all the crap that theyve done to people that comes over them like a wave and becomes too much so they blame others instead and repeat theyre bull ish cycle all over again. Attach then destroy then attach and destroy over and over again. F*** feeling sorry for them. Let karma riegn over theyre evil intention ___***

[Sunny Side]

AG, if detachment, rebuilding and recovery are your goals (they are mine) then I believe any emotion you feel is valid so long as it does not end in destroying you.  You know what they say about poison meant for others reversing course and then doing the job on you. But anger is just as valid an emotion as sorrow or compassion and imo just as instructive.   Use it as a down payment on your healing.

I am starting to believe that they are way more aware then everyone thinks and actually enjoy being manipulative.

One night after attending a social gathering with my ex I sat in bed with her and remarked that it seemed she was always in the process of "seducing" people.  Still tipsy, she described in candor how she would manipulate people into her confidence -- with constant physical touch mixed with eye contact, inquire about their intimacies and then play into them, get people to open up their 'selves', things any salesman does -- then over time she would know exactly what buttons to push and when and how to push them.  I remember it sent chills down my spine just hearing it (and watching it too).  It's something I don't think I could've ever grown used to and for good reason.

[blissful_camper]

I felt the same way for a while. ... but this is a sick person you have dealt with. Your anger is normal. Let it go 'cause it isn't going to help you. Don't forget, they are toxic to everyone, esp. themselves. Their misery is never ending.

Life is not fair and I too feel le you sometimes and hope the worst for her... but in the end, where does that get you?

Be positive and pray.

cron 65

Trust me I know I need happiness in the long run. But right now I feel the way I feel. I want the same maliciousness and evil intended energy directed at me to come right back around to her. I do understand shes sick but so is an alcoholic. Try telling the wife that keeps getting a black eye from the alcoholic who believes in her husband and tries encouraging him to seek help and tries offering up as much support as possible. I doubt telling her that after she put in so much effort and believed in him so much only to get discarded like garbage will make her feel any better. Im tired of feeling sorry for her. Feeling sorry for her is what got me into this in the first place. When you research this so called illness you can clearly see that these asswipes make calculated movements which requires thought and alot of it. I feel sorry for someone whos skitzo or something of that nature but BPD Im sorry at this moment I cannot find any sympathy for a person who purposefully tries to hurt the same person they reach out to help for. Pity party is on pause right now for real. I do inevitably need peace though so I definitely feel where your coming from just not right now.

It's okay to feel this way.  I tend to agree that some, maybe not all, pwBPD have awareness about how their actions are negatively impacting others.  My ex sure could turn it on and off as if on que. 

Over the weekend a close friend visited. We talked about him and I mentioned that I felt sorry for him.  She said she didn't. I began questioning why I did. Would I feel sorry for someone who physically abused me?  No.  So why do I feel sorry for someone who emotionally abused me? 

I forgive my ex.  That's the best that I can do today.  Do I feel sorry for him?  No.  He knows he has a problem and refuses to seek help. 

[Trent]

When I think about justice eventually being served to my ex, I often remind myself of the writings of James Allen.

“The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state... . Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.”

― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

After the schadenfreude passes, often I'll feel sorry for her.  Having read various accounts of the turbulent mental state of BPDers, I can't imagine living in that hell 24x7x365.  Then I remind myself not to feel too sorry for her, since that's partly what got me here in the first place  

[Split black]

I don't have revenge fantasies about my ex, simply because I fear the worst is always yet to come. She may be shallowly happy from time to time, but she is unable to enjoy success or any long term meaningful thing the way that I can. We could have been looking back in 20 years at a life that was well spent, with a son in college, and years of good times and bad, but a life that we shared and enjoyed.

But that's impossible because all she has is idealized fantasies of possible futures that will never come to pass. The next guy will surely be better than the last. He's all I need, he's the answer. Nope. And so on. To add to that, she may have acquired an addiction.

She can't look back on events the way I did. She can't recall the joy that I do. Nothing about what we shared was meaningful to her. They made her happy in the moment, yes, but she doesn't appreciate those times. That's horrifying to me. Living in the moment is well and good, but being unable to recall positive feelings about events that we shared because of her issues is punishment enough. Without help, they only touch the surface of life.

It scares the hell out of me honestly. There's not a thing I'd wish on her that's worse than what she does to herself.

In my case mine has help and massive amounts of it. Mutiple therapist and multiple people/family to leech off of. Still doesnt make a difference. I think it only matters if they truly self reflect and truly want the help that is provided. I am starting to believe that they are way more aware then everyone thinks and actually enjoy being manipulative. Do I think they enjoy anxiety or symptoms like that but where does the anxiety even come from? I think it comes from all the crap that theyve done to people that comes over them like a wave and becomes too much so they blame others instead and repeat theyre bull ish cycle all over again. Attach then destroy then attach and destroy over and over again. F*** feeling sorry for them. Let karma riegn over theyre evil intention ___***

There may also be a link between the amygdala and anxiety. In particular, there is a higher prevalence of females that are affected by anxiety disorders.

[WT]

I just wanted to add my story.  I had done my ex's taxes for her every year that we were together until the last year that we were together, when she did her own taxes because she was mad at me.  After we broke up, we hadn't communicated with each other in over a year when I suddenly got an email from her asking if I still had copies of her old tax documents from that year because she was being audited by the IRS for the return that she did herself.  I don't wish specific harm upon her, but I'd have to say that this development brought a smile to my face, especially because she brought it upon herself.

[HappyNihilist]

It scares the hell out of me honestly. There's not a thing I'd wish on her that's worse than what she does to herself.

Agree 100%.

I'm a (reasonably) healthy person who doesn't live in constant emotional hell; who doesn't hate myself; who can maintain relationships without pushing people away out of fear. I am a genuinely happy person most of the time. My hell of the breakup is nothing compared to the hell that my exbf lives every day. I would never, ever want to have to live inside his head.

pwBPD are deeply miserable and often self-destructive. They will get themselves into enough pain and torment on their own.