will it ever get better?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Will it?

Sometimes it seems like it, but today definitely does not.

He pushes and crosses so many boundaries, and I feel I've done all I can and it still ends with I am horrible, not the person he thought.

He calls me "cold" if I remain neutral.  He says "how can you treat me this way?  How can you ignore me?  No one will ever love you like I do, no one.  Why can't you understand that?". 

This is all over not answering his phone calls and texts while I am at work, especially with a client. 

I've told him several times that "I can't do that, but I will reply when I'm free or at lunch. If it's an emergency I'll respond asap.  I like to get my work done at the office so I am completely free after."   I am my own boss, but I still can't spend the day texting with him about the weather or whatever he can think of just to be in contact with me. 

So, today after I text him back that I'd text him at noon he said the things about no one ever loving me this way.  Now he's.  started sending texts saying how no one ever loved him, he was neglected and abandoned, I'm the only thing that's ever made him happy.

Then he wanted to know who I'm going to be free for.  I didn't specifically say him.  Then... . "Maybe you'll be free for John, the neighbor, since he keeps liking your Facebook posts.  He's pretty friendly."

Sigh. I can't win!

I try to validate and use other tools, but it only seems to set him off worse.  The only thing that will satisfy him is if I agree that I was "ignoring him" and that ignoring him shows him I don't care.  And that no one will ever love me like him.

He'll let it go on for days if I don't.ry day I work is like this.  Every time I do something that doesnt include him pretty much turns out like this.

Idk what I'm doing wrong.  I make as much time for him as I can.  I've been nothing but nice and accomidating to his need for contact. Not much I do lives up to the standards of a girlfriend "who cares about her man." I'm starting to get really angry. 

[AllisG]

Will it?

Sometimes it seems like it, but today definitely does not.

He pushes and crosses so many boundaries, and I feel I've done all I can and it still ends with I am horrible, not the person he thought.

He calls me "cold" if I remain neutral.  He says "how can you treat me this way?  How can you ignore me?  No one will ever love you like I do, no one.  Why can't you understand that?". 

This is all over not answering his phone calls and texts while I am at work, especially with a client. 

I've told him several times that "I can't do that, but I will reply when I'm free or at lunch. If it's an emergency I'll respond asap.  I like to get my work done at the office so I am completely free after."   I am my own boss, but I still can't spend the day texting with him about the weather or whatever he can think of just to be in contact with me. 

So, today after I text him back that I'd text him at noon he said the things about no one ever loving me this way.  Now he's.  started sending texts saying how no one ever loved him, he was neglected and abandoned, I'm the only thing that's ever made him happy.

Then he wanted to know who I'm going to be free for.  I didn't specifically say him.  Then... . "Maybe you'll be free for John, the neighbor, since he keeps liking your Facebook posts.  He's pretty friendly."

Sigh. I can't win!

I try to validate and use other tools, but it only seems to set him off worse.  The only thing that will satisfy him is if I agree that I was "ignoring him" and that ignoring him shows him I don't care.  And that no one will ever love me like him.

He'll let it go on for days if I don't.ry day I work is like this.  Every time I do something that doesnt include him pretty much turns out like this.

Idk what I'm doing wrong.  I make as much time for him as I can.  I've been nothing but nice and accomidating to his need for contact. Not much I do lives up to the standards of a girlfriend "who cares about her man." I'm starting to get really angry. 

[almostmarried]

"Will it ever get better?"

NO.

It will get worse.

[maxsterling]

Idk what I'm doing wrong.  I make as much time for him as I can.  I've been nothing but nice and accomidating to his need for contact. Not much I do lives up to the standards of a girlfriend "who cares about her man." I'm starting to get really angry. 

You aren't doing anything wrong.  He has the problem, and you can't fix him, no matter how many tools you use.  About all you can do is accept this is the way he is (right now, at least), take care of yourself, and decide if this is something you can live with.  

You are exhausted.  I'm there, too.  I just wish there could be one good something that I could hold onto regarding the r/s.  But like you, it seems that no matter what I do, things for her are still the same, and I am starting to realize that my future with her will be me doing my best to be me while I have a chronically unhappy person in my house.  This message board is for helping *us* decide, but it seems like more often than not the BPD in our lives is making up our minds for us by putting us in no-win situations, where the only way we can "win" is to be without them.  

[Cipher13]

It is posible to get better however its not very likely. I too would do as myuch fo rmy wive as I could. Becareful there. I am now doing so much for her she is now expecting me to do simple things for her that she can easily do herself all of the time. And refusing to do them for her triggers outbursts. While it is nice to do thigs for someone it can get turned around on you and made into a requirement. It happened slowly until one day I realized she hardly does anything for herself much less me.

All of us nons tend to be here because we are caring and loving people (unless you beleive what the BPDer says youare). In fact we can care too much for others and not enough for ourselves. Once you go to that level its hard to get back to where you can put yourself first again.