I had a dream...

[AchingHeart]

Last night I had a dream of my exBPDgf and I.

I can't really remember what we were doing but I remember at some point telling her I missed her.

From that point on everything went downhill in my dream! All I remember is waking up in panick and sweaty from that dream at 5a.m.

The whole day has been a ___ty day today. I'm in the FOG again, fear and guilt is what I've been feeling all day! It's a major set back. I've had about 3-4 good days after about three hard weeks (we broke up the 25th of last month) but now I'm feeling all these emotions again and I'm sick of it 

I want to break the few days of NC we've had and call her. I know that if I do I'll have to put up with her coldness and "I don't care" attitude and that's going to hurt me even more but at this point I just want to hear from her.

She's wanted to maintain a friendship but NEVER has she asked how I was doing, what I was up to or anything.

Anytime we've had a conversation over the phone it was because I called and I was the one asking her how she was doing, listening, and then telling her how I was doing (otherwise she wouldn't have asked). The only time she's texted me was to complain about how much work she had to do at work and that was two days after our b/u.

I'm just lost again

[Want2know]

I'm just lost again

You're not completely lost - you are here.  That's a good thing.   

I want to break the few days of NC we've had and call her. I know that if I do I'll have to put up with her coldness and "I don't care" attitude and that's going to hurt me even more but at this point I just want to hear from her.

Let's look at this from a behavioral standpoint.  You know if you take action what the consequence will be.  Do you really want to take that risk?

Take a look at this - Wise Mind - it has helped me keep things in perspective, even though I still feel challenged on some levels. 

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=64749.0

Stay strong, stay with us here.  No need to cater to that voice and the feelings that you are experiencing.  We're not going anywhere.   

[AchingHeart]

W2K,

thanks for being supportive and for the link. I've read it many times and I know I shouldn't give in to that little voice, but when you feel down it still proves to be quite the challenge. Today, I woke up in a bit of the same mood although I am feeling a bit better.

Thanks for the   

[Pecator]

Ach,

WOW, I totally get this. I hate dreaming about my uBPDex. Even more so, I hate waking up after dreaming about her. I equate it to being a prisoner waking up from a dream of being free. There is about thirty seconds between when your conscientiousness adjusts to reality.

I dreamed of telling her all the things I can't in reality.

I dreamed of having access to her phone

I dreamed of finding peace between us

Thirty seconds of feeling the peace that dreams create before reality sets in.

It is a wonderful sign. I believe it means you subconscious is wrestling with all that you are learning.

It is a wonderful sign that you are in the right place for healing

Keep reading and posting

[blissful_camper]

The dreams can be upsetting.   It used to take me a few days to shake it off and feel better.  It does get easier with time.  I had one last night and my replacement was also in the dream.  Major  .  It didn't upset me though.  That's a first and it shows me where I'm at in my healing. Give it time.  I now welcome those dreams as part of processing the experience.