Taking the Drama & "Distortion Campaign" up a Notch

[The Mrs]

Served my husband of 25 years 12 days ago.  In our state, he has 20 days to respond.  He claims he hasn't had time to find an attorney because he's been too busy and my attorney has the whole town in his pocket anyway.  What he has had time to do, however, is leave a copy of the Complaint and Summons on the doorstep of our family members on Day 1. 

Now, on Day 11 he took things to an entirely new level... . he wrote a letter and has apparently left it for various family members and "others" saying I have put his safety in jeopardy and his life is in danger because of the life insurance $$ and if anything happens to him to look at ME!

[ForeverDad]

Extinction Burst - He's trying every tactic he can to intimidate you and even embarrass you so you withdraw the motion.  Stand firm for what you need to do to protect yourself in a high conflict separation.  Hopefully those family and friends know you well enough to know you are not the one behaving poorly, blaming, shifting blame, creating distractions, seeking negative advocates and and sowing suspicions.

You'll have to decide whether you need to update some so they know what's really happening. Be aware some of his relatives and even some mutual friends may be conned by him.  Just let them go.  Very quickly you'll find out which friends and family are not fooled by him, those you can keep updated.

Of course, keep your lawyer informed just in case some response is legally required.  You can't call your lawyer for every little thing, the billings would rise even faster, but your lawyer does need to be aware of new or more serious incidents.

[The Mrs]

Yep, and thank you soo much for the recommendation of the Splitting book by Eddy & Kreger.  It has proven to be invaluable and comforting, at the same time.

[Forestaken]

I found out who my friends really are when I filed for divorce of my s2bxw of 24 years.

My s2bx-sister-in-law set out with a distortion campaign against me (similiar circle of friends). some dropped me and others kept me.  I was so concern who to talk to I gave out false info to particular people to see what would surface.  In the end, those who dropped me can deal with their manufactored drama.  I realized I didn't need them.

With that being said. Say strong! This is your life not theirs!

[Unleashed]

The distortion campaign bothers me in two regards

  1) It affects the naive to believe bad about us, understood.

  2) It makes us and our agenda the focus of attention.  As an introvert I like for others to be the center of attention, and when I am noticed it is on matters other than divorce.

  3) I did not want most of her emotio-drama friends, was nice over the decade, but really, they are dim, a-moral folks. Releasing them was fine.

These two issues make it such that I have trouble really "addressing" the matter.  Feelings of old friends are not uploadable. 

So I did two things:

  1) New really large elegant church, whole new arena.

  2) New workplace

Yes they are kind of dynamite steps, but they are the right thing to do.  For those of you who live in a town of <2000 people, I pity you.  Thankfully I do not.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

[livednlearned]

Served my husband of 25 years 12 days ago.  In our state, he has 20 days to respond.  He claims he hasn't had time to find an attorney because he's been too busy and my attorney has the whole town in his pocket anyway.  What he has had time to do, however, is leave a copy of the Complaint and Summons on the doorstep of our family members on Day 1. 

Now, on Day 11 he took things to an entirely new level... . he wrote a letter and has apparently left it for various family members and "others" saying I have put his safety in jeopardy and his life is in danger because of the life insurance $$ and if anything happens to him to look at ME!

Keep a copy and share it with your L. If your stbx keeps it up, it'll make a nice file that can be shared in court. They won't care so much about behavior right after papers are served, because even low-conflict people can act nuts during the divorce. But over time, if he keeps it up, you can show that this is persistent behavior.

With my ex, some of his wild accusations made me wonder if he was projecting things onto me. Some of it was probably just stuff he thought. Toward the end of our marriage, he accused me of trying to poison him. I'm not saying he tried to poison me, only that I suspect he thought about doing it, and couldn't deal with the thoughts, so he projected those thoughts out onto me.