Can't get over the anxiety of seeing the X

[Depression = 72% of members]

I wonder if I am feeling the effects of PTSD. WHENEVER I HAVE TO SEE MY uBPDxw when we exchange kids I feel very tense and anxious. I openly admit that I hate her for all the things that she has done to me and my sons but I want to get past this and not have any feelings at all when I see her. I am almost fully NC with her and this has helped me extremely dealing with the stress and anxiety. Unfortunately having kids with her I will always have to see her every two weeks when she gets the kids for her every other weekend visit.

It's just so hard with all the things that are still coming out after our 18 year marriage ended. There is so many lies and hurtful things that I'm still finding out after the fact that it just seems like I can't get beyond this point. I do have to admit that I am much better now than I was last summer when I first caught her in her affair with my best friend. I guess I just need to be patient!

Can anyone else share about the times when they were dealing with anxiety and share success stories about getting beyond it?

[mywifecrazy]

I wonder if I am feeling the effects of PTSD. WHENEVER I HAVE TO SEE MY uBPDxw when we exchange kids I feel very tense and anxious. I openly admit that I hate her for all the things that she has done to me and my sons but I want to get past this and not have any feelings at all when I see her. I am almost fully NC with her and this has helped me extremely dealing with the stress and anxiety. Unfortunately having kids with her I will always have to see her every two weeks when she gets the kids for her every other weekend visit.

It's just so hard with all the things that are still coming out after our 18 year marriage ended. There is so many lies and hurtful things that I'm still finding out after the fact that it just seems like I can't get beyond this point. I do have to admit that I am much better now than I was last summer when I first caught her in her affair with my best friend. I guess I just need to be patient!

Can anyone else share about the times when they were dealing with anxiety and share success stories about getting beyond it?

[BacknthSaddle]

I can't imagine what you're going through, having children with this person and dealing with all the pain involved there. My frustrations and anxieties are on a much smaller scale, I'll admit, but still those anxieties exist. I work in the same institution as my ex, and I do everything I can to avoid her. Honestly I'm embarrassed by it. Every now and then I want to just rush in an confront me fears directly , but if I do I end up just ruminating and feeling crappy. If she doesn't contact me afterwards it's bad, and if she does it's worse. So, I definitely understand your anxiety, if not the magnitude of your situation.

[calpenna]

@mywife crazy - yes, I totally understand. I just dropped my boys off today with my uBPDh for their every other weekend visit and I HATE the exchange. I keep it as brief as possible and say as little as possible because I feel like no matter what he is always spoiling for an argument of some kind. It also makes me terribly sad because I wish we could talk about the kids -- the funny things they did that day, things they said, what they did, etc. but I find its best to keep as minimal contact as possible.

[Aussie JJ]

I understand so compleatly and I dont have a clue how to make the feelings go away.   For me seeing her and not being able to control what she will do, knowing she will try to start a fight.  All of these things drive me bonkers when I am about to see her twice a week for handovers. 

I don't have an answer for every time but I make sure that i concentrate on what I can control and nothing else.  If I have my breakdown as I did the other day or if I'm not coping I do it as privately as I can.  I do everything I can to control what I say to jer and give robotic responses that are always the same. 

This doesn't make it easier but it lets me reduce the conflict and have that little bit of control.  Even if it is sometimes an illusion I find having control and not taking her baited attempts to engage me helps a lot. 

[mywifecrazy]

BINS working with her, God that must SUCK!

Calpenna, my X is not looking to engage in a argument she acts like she wants to chit chat like we're buddies. I'm like get lost. Why would I want to talk to someone who's treating me like dirt. Besides you left me for my best friend across the street... . GO TALK TO HIM! Of course I don't say anything unjust hold it in. I guess that's where the anxiety comes from.

At Aussie. Yes I do the Robotic responses to. I figure out what I need to say and I'm as short as possible. Thank God for email as I choose to do everything that way so the only contact is the kid exchange.

[mywifecrazy]

My anxiety level has just spiked as I found out that my boys had to be around my ex best friend from across the street that stabbed me in the back. It's such a raw and painful feeling knowing  my boys that I love have to be in the presence of this man who will now act as a fatherly figure when in their presence.

I've held off for the last nine months but I think I'm finally ready to see a therapist. I need to process all this hatred and anger I have built up inside me. I have to get myself ready as I mail my crazy uBPDxw will be living across the street from me with this man.  I wish I could have her walk one day in my shoes to know just exactly how it feels to be put in the situation by her actions!  But I obviously know that she doesn't give a rats A$$ how it will affect me and our sons.