Did you feel symptoms of BPD yourself, after you broke up?

[bungenstein]

For me, I did, I felt the following things and still do, but to a much lesser extent now, I hope they go away, its a horrible, and terrifying way to feel, so as much pain as she put me through, if this is how she feels day to day, I greatly sympathise:

Random panics.

Feel very alone, and very empty when not talking to someone.

Sometimes don't feel myself, or know who I am.

Feel like she eventually became an extension of me, and now feel like a big part of me has gone.

Restlessness, cannot settle, have to move from place to place, always on edge.

Feel the need to connect with as many people as possible, people I wouldn't usually.

Paranoia, and blame against others close to me, perceiving minor things they've done as greatly hurting me.

Again, this is all to a much lesser extent now, its been 4 months, I hope it dies away completely.

[LuckyNicki]

I know how you feel!

It literally feels like they gave us some kind of contagious disease.  I feel like I sometimes get desperate to talk to someone.   It's kind weird though.  I am surrounded by some women that want to hang out with me but every time I hang out with them, I don't feel all that whole. 

It's very strange.

I think we somehow obtain some of the emptiness our exBPD had.  This is literally the first time in my life I felt this way.  I am usually able to be on my own very well and happy.   

Then again, I'm only about 4 months of being away from this girl.

[BacknthSaddle]

I think we somehow obtain some of the emptiness our exBPD had.  This is literally the first time in my life I felt this way.  I am usually able to be on my own very well and happy.   

www.en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Projective_identification

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

wow its so funny you ask this! Not this time... but the first time (with another person) I landed myself in therapy

thinking I HAD it! It's just her gaslighting and projection was so manipulative and effective... I thought

I was the one who was like that! So you may not even have those features... . it may be the projection

causing you to second guess yourself,.

Could be PTSD too... severe abuse/traumatic events changes the way our brains work.

[HappyNihilist]

I thought maybe I was the one with BPD by the last month of the r/s. And even more so right after the breakup. 

[bruised]

Feel the need to connect with as many people as possible, people I wouldn't usually.

Yes, I did that a lot. I guess I needed validation that I wasn't a bad person for going NC.

[TitaniumPhoebe]

I maybe just felt a LOT of anxiety.  I had PTSD before I married him and it got a lot worse.  My mom said she thought I was on drugs and caught whatever he has from him.  Now a few months later it's better though, so with time and self-awareness it can get back to your normal self.

[Emelie Emelie]

God yes.  Especially the abandonment stuff.  I do feel absolutely crazy some times and want to do and say anything to put it back together.  I ruminate.  I obsess.  I get really really angry and then I get really really sad.  I have ridiculous immature fantasies where he asks me to come back and I say no.  (Embarrassing but true.) 

What I really wish is that it was the 60's and I could have a nice little nervous breakdown and go away to some lovely place where people would drug me up and take care of me for a couple of months. 

[Jb101]

Definitely the abandonment side.

She did a good job of getting me to cut out my friends. Always bailed on family events at the last minute or made excuses not to come out with mates. Which made me feel weird at times when I was asked where she was and tried to cover for her. She bailed on my mothers 60th at the last minute because she was tired... . turned out she went to drinks with people from work.

So the connections that should have been healthy with others were severely weakened. Only a few really close friends I've stayed close to throughout. I think it made it harder and harder to leave. To the point where I tried epically to make it work. Which she decided was just needy etc. it's like a catch 22/bucket with a hole. No matter what I did at times, she would find a way to make it screw up into an argument and then blame me. Leading her towards her final opinion... . that we're not good for each other and she feels nothing for me...

And now I feel abandoned, and she can walk away as if nothing happened...

[laelle]

Yes, I did feel like that.  It is a toxic relationship, but the effects will wear off over time.  If you were BPD you probably would not be here.  You would be escaping your problems by placing them in paper bags (lighting them) and leaving on other people's doorsteps  

[Waifed]

Totally

[LuckyNicki]

A very tempting BPD symptom that I have is wanting to rebound.   I have this temptation that if I find someone else I can completely get over this girl. 


Argh I hate this.


While I am dating around, I am not feeling the same intensity.  Argh

[tholian]

Definitely the abandonment side.

She did a good job of getting me to cut out my friends. Always bailed on family events at the last minute or made excuses not to come out with mates. Which made me feel weird at times when I was asked where she was and tried to cover for her. She bailed on my mothers 60th at the last minute because she was tired... . turned out she went to drinks with people from work.

So the connections that should have been healthy with others were severely weakened. Only a few really close friends I've stayed close to throughout. I think it made it harder and harder to leave. To the point where I tried epically to make it work. Which she decided was just needy etc. it's like a catch 22/bucket with a hole. No matter what I did at times, she would find a way to make it screw up into an argument and then blame me. Leading her towards her final opinion... . that we're not good for each other and she feels nothing for me...

And now I feel abandoned, and she can walk away as if nothing happened...

I can relate the the highlighted part as it happened the same way for me. She want's me to go for her family and friends gathering, but will never come to mine. Always had an excuse and finally used it to break up with me by saying "You are forcing me to see your siblings / family. You give me no choice and i feel i have no freedom"

Once it ends, you'' get anxious, stressed out about simplest things, feel lonely and true enough, wonder if you have BPD. The good thing is, things do get better and i'm getting better.

You are not alone in wondering if we suffer from BPD. 

[rg1976]

Yes. I even wondered if it really was all my fault. I think when we're involved with a BPD person and we really love them, but have no idea what we are dealing with we try to understand and make sense of things and possibly adopt some of their ways in order to try to get them to understand us. At least I did that, until I realized it was absolutely making me crazy.

[Jb101]

I can relate the the highlighted part as it happened the same way for me. She want's me to go for her family and friends gathering, but will never come to mine. Always had an excuse and finally used it to break up with me by saying "You are forcing me to see your siblings / family. You give me no choice and i feel i have no freedom"

Once it ends, you'' get anxious, stressed out about simplest things, feel lonely and true enough, wonder if you have BPD. The good thing is, things do get better and i'm getting better.

You are not alone in wondering if we suffer from BPD. 

Confident I don't have it. Just wish I didn't feel like such a crushed basket case atm. She has devalued me so badly I don't recognise myself. I look at women and think they must all be thinking I'm an ugly loser as well, I deal with guys and feel weak for letting a woman get to me so badly... . and avoid social contact unless alcohol is involved...

All the good times she has said mean nothing and has basically told me I'm pathetic so many times I actually feel that way.

[heartandwhole]

Bungenstein,

I think most of us on this board have experienced symptoms that reminded us of pwBPD, and it's a healthy question, because it can lead to self-awareness.

I'm glad that the symptoms are diminishing.  They have for me, too. I felt depressed for quite a while after my breakup, and that was really hard.

We have an interesting thread about this subject here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=55406.0;viewResults

[Ihope2]

Yes, I have definitely "picked up some fleas" as  result of having been in a relationship with someone with BPD:

I feel lonely and isolated and abandoned;

I feel misunderstood;

I feel angry;

I feel deep sadness bordering on depression;

I feel confused;

I feel threatened very easily;

I used to be ok with living alone in my house - now the silence and the solitary life tend to oppress me;

I sometimes feel claustrophobic being in a room with the doors and curtains closed - never used to have this problem before;

For a while I completely lost my appetite - although I am able to eat relatively normally again now;

I wake up in the middle of the night unable to fall asleep again, I never used to have sleep disturbances;

I feel an absence of joy, motivation, positive energy a lot of the time now.

[1KitKat]

WOW YES!  I was convinced that I was the one who had BPD, and I was still in the marriage!

His gaslighting and general baiting had me so paranoid; I started checking up on him and that's how I found out what he was up to at the strip clubs, online, etc... .   I was never a paranoid, checking type of woman but I certainly became one.  It's this current piece of me that makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to have a decent relationship again.  18 years of this crap nearly did me in. 

[neverloveagain]

Yes its like a special parting gift a fragment of them, perfect pain.

[Banshee]

   Yes I had the BPD Clone ... still feels like I got at times too.

But I know I've never acted this way before ,so i knew I got from him!

Circle Circle Dot Dot now you got your BPD shot! 

[goldylamont]

I know how you feel!

It literally feels like they gave us some kind of contagious disease.  I feel like I sometimes get desperate to talk to someone.   It's kind weird though.  I am surrounded by some women that want to hang out with me but every time I hang out with them, I don't feel all that whole. 

It's very strange.

I think we somehow obtain some of the emptiness our exBPD had.  This is literally the first time in my life I felt this way.  I am usually able to be on my own very well and happy.   

Then again, I'm only about 4 months of being away from this girl.

i 100% agree with the contagious disease analogy. and i mean this more literally than metaphorically. emotional abuse may not initially be physical like a virus or bacteria, but it doesn't matter. it ends up changing the brain chemistry of those that are too close for too long. i just feel like the science is behind in this regard.

i went through several cycles of depression (several days at a time, then fine for a while), i think--and i say "i think" b/c i was completely ignorant to what depression was before this whole ordeal. i have a good friend/bandmate who helped me and talked a lot post-breakup (he knew my ex pretty well). one day after rehearsal (and playing music has always been therapeutic for me) i was telling him how i didn't understand why i didn't feel like doing anything for days other than watch netflix and order takeout. i would be cool for a week or two and then it would start to happen--and usually i wouldn't realize what i was doing. i think this happened several times before until day or two in i'd start realizing that there was a pattern to it. he tells me "maybe your depressed--it sounds like depression to me." and then it all made sense! i actually laughed and hugged him i think i yelled "you're right! i think i'm depressed! thank you so much!" . silly to think of this now. but really i was so unaware i didn't realize what was happening to me.

i thought i had anger issues coming out of the r/s, and well i was very angry--but no this isn't how i am naturally. it was only around her and in response to abusive behaviors--not trying to just throw blame her way, this is just how i feel about it. i don't consider myself any better, but i have tons of gratitude about my upbringing and life thus far realizing what many people have to deal with day to day (coming from an abusive past or suffering from mental disorders). what was the worst for me directly after the breakup was horrible ruminations, revenge fantasies, anxiety when i was around her, and ya now i know some rolling depressions. all of this has subsided now i'm a long ways out but have to acknowledge that this was a big part of my life for a good 1.5yrs afterwards...