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Author Topic: Shes contacting me again  (Read 4454 times)
Split black
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« Reply #30 on: June 02, 2014, 11:12:36 PM »

What motivation could she possibly have? Fear of retaliation? Sadism? I suppose it doesn't matter... . and my phone is so cheap I cant block her with it. ugh.

Her motivation is simple: she wants to ENGAGE with you. To some BPDs, engagement is everything, even if it's a negative engagement. It's what they thrive on. They're also very good at manipulation, and they know that people are taught to be polite, so they know you'll be inclined to answer, if only not to be a jerk. But in this case, you have every reason to be "rude." Remember that.

Here's a thought: see if your carrier will change the number. Or if the phone's really that cheap, tell your carrier it was stolen, and they'll issue you another one with a different number. Good luck texting you then.  

But seriously, a lot of these folks are all about engaging you, even if it's a bad engagement. They thrive on drama and disorder. You're doing the right thing to not respond. Hopefully she'll move on to her next "mark" after she figures out you're a dry well for drama.

I agree... . she didnt know if I was alive or what I was thinking. It was bliss... . she was horrible in her smear campaign... it was crazy... . calling my ex wife, friends, telling them incredible stories with no truth what so ever... . I was just putting out fires every where... . she was laughing in bed with whom ever shes with... . I think its her ex ... . the guy she demonized to me, plus who knows how many others... . the reason I gave her money to leave his place and set her up in her own apt.  ugh... .  
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« Reply #31 on: June 02, 2014, 11:13:32 PM »

Don't feel sorry at all, SplitBlack.  We're here for you, man, and I know how much your ex continuing to contact you is affecting you.  I'm really sorry she is continuing to hurt you.  I can appreciate how much it would tear me up if my ex was doing these same sort of games with me.  Hang in there.

Do you think any good can come of further contact with her?  :)o you think it might be better to block her so that you don't have to deal with these reengagements any longer?  I know that can seem very cruel, and it can be very hard to do, but it might be worth it for your peace of mind.  I just hate to see her continue to do this to you.  You don't deserve this.

Keep posting, man.  We understand and we can all sympathize.  

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« Reply #32 on: June 02, 2014, 11:17:42 PM »

Yep, keep posting dude. We're listening. I know how hard it is not to defend yourself, even when you know it's sheer provocation.

I agree that it's a good idea to try blocking her by any means necessary. If you can't read it you can't respond to it.
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« Reply #33 on: June 02, 2014, 11:27:01 PM »

SplitBlack... . yeah... . the only thing I had to hold onto for a longtime was how I behaved even when she was running off with someone else and lying about. All those lies she told, and the smear campaigns to make herself look innocent... . she lied to everyone, her Mom, her Dad, Step Mom, stepDad, me, the guy she hooked up with, her best friend, her therapist... . on and on and on... .

It was very, very painful... . but I really cared about her so I acted like a caring, loving adult and gave her her space (not knowing about the guy and all the lies at first)... . I made it easy for her to move out, etc.  I felt like a fool in the beginning because that just made it easier for her... . but the farther I got away from it, I was so proud of me. I did not act like her. I really liked me and how I behaved... . and I was all I had.  TOTALLY her loss.
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« Reply #34 on: June 03, 2014, 12:27:17 AM »

Yes infared that's the best thing with the way mine ended too. With dignity and respect from my end. I walked away without a word with my head held high while he and my best friend chummed up behind my back. I never said a word. No confrontation. God it hurt that betrayal.

But good riddance to them both. I was the only decent person they had in their lives. Karma. It's already biting them. They are no longer speaking to each other.
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« Reply #35 on: June 03, 2014, 05:48:58 AM »

Split Black... . I read over what you are going thru here, again just now. I know I have made the same repetitive mistakes as you. In my case, I am in recovery for substance abuse ( for years now), and these interactions IMHO are addiction, straight out. Nothing truly changed for me until I got serious. With the support of my therapist, friends and my 12-step program I made a really big commitment to myself. I changed my phone number. Scary stuff, because I was taking profound action to truly take care of me, and stop the insanity. I was not doing it out of anger, or "get even", or any of that... . I was doing it out of self-love to take me away from harm. It was really frightening,  but I was calling myself on my crap and making the definitive move, for the right reasons. My letting go. Then "I" knew there would be no more nonsense. Lots of FEAR on my part. Facing it with an action, not words. It was a weird and painful "saying goodbye". ... . Very unsettling ... . she ran off with another guy, and in the end "I" had to end it. Truly twisted. ... . but definitely the road to healing. When I looked it in the eye I had to finally take responsibility for me. I needed a lot of support to make that change, I could not have done it alone.
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Split black
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« Reply #36 on: June 03, 2014, 03:49:22 PM »

[/quote]
Don't feel sorry at all, SplitBlack.  We're here for you, man, and I know how much your ex continuing to contact you is affecting you.  I'm really sorry she is continuing to hurt you.  I can appreciate how much it would tear me up if my ex was doing these same sort of games with me.  Hang in there.

Do you think any good can come of further contact with her?  :)o you think it might be better to block her so that you don't have to deal with these reengagements any longer?  I know that can seem very cruel, and it can be very hard to do, but it might be worth it for your peace of mind.  I just hate to see her continue to do this to you.  You don't deserve this.

Keep posting, man.  We understand and we can all sympathize.  

There can be absolutely zero good coming from any contact... . its so frustrating. In all my life I have never had a situation... . in business or real life where there was a complete and utter lack of accepting responsibility. Just totally blame shifts and denies to justify her actions... . at this point I shouldnt be surprised but I always am.

Yes infared that's the best thing with the way mine ended too. With dignity and respect from my end. I walked away without a word with my head held high while he and my best friend chummed up behind my back. I never said a word. No confrontation. God it hurt that betrayal.

But good riddance to them both. I was the only decent person they had in their lives. Karma. It's already biting them. They are no longer speaking to each other.



I walked away as well... . finally... . but its hard not to confront. No matter how well versed or articulate I try to be, its reduced by her hateful comments... . Im a monster, I manipulated her, I did this I did that... . when the behavior was hers... . honestly I treated her like a princess. My crime was to bust her cheating and confront her for the 4th time... . ugh. Totally black after that. All my fault somehow.

Split Black... . I read over what you are going thru here, again just now. I know I have made the same repetitive mistakes as you. In my case, I am in recovery for substance abuse ( for years now), and these interactions IMHO are addiction, straight out. Nothing truly changed for me until I got serious. With the support of my therapist, friends and my 12-step program I made a really big commitment to myself. I changed my phone number. Scary stuff, because I was taking profound action to truly take care of me, and stop the insanity. I was not doing it out of anger, or "get even", or any of that... . I was doing it out of self-love to take me away from harm. It was really frightening,  but I was calling myself on my crap and making the definitive move, for the right reasons. My letting go. Then "I" knew there would be no more nonsense. Lots of FEAR on my part. Facing it with an action, not words. It was a weird and painful "saying goodbye". ... . Very unsettling ... . she ran off with another guy, and in the end "I" had to end it. Truly twisted. ... . but definitely the road to healing. When I looked it in the eye I had to finally take responsibility for me. I needed a lot of support to make that change, I could not have done it alone.

Yeah, Im a grown ass man... . and Ive been reduced to therapy too... . been going for months. It helps and Im clinically addicted ... . like post traumatic. I just didnt want to give up. Didn't want to lose. The whole thing brought up a world of past hurt.

But... . Im stoic. I went NC... . didnt contact... then did... . then didnt... then she did and she continues... . but no apologies... . no recognition, no remorse, nothing but justification of her actions... .   The question is what is keeping me from changing my number? Why am I holding on to it. It would be inconvenient but not impossible to change it. Sometimes I think if I was able to NOT respond how much better would I feel... . do I really expect her to come begging me back... . again? No... . I dont, and I wouldn't. She cant be trusted on level. Every text, every conversation... . is used against me to smear and ruin. One of her text smugly said... . " Im ruining your name btw"  I responded that if you continue I will sue you for slander... . ( I know, sucked into a 3 year old conversation) her response was... . " sue me, ___ you, I hate you)  And then she tried to sell me something illegal... . and after I said no thank you... . " I gave you a pass because your crazy... . now just leave me alone. Please leave me alone"  Im the guy, and Im saying that to a young women. Im pathetic.  Can you imagine.
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« Reply #37 on: June 03, 2014, 08:13:43 PM »

Splitback...

Your ex's behavior is so similar to mine.

All the nonsense and not admitting or taking responsibility for ANYTHING... .

Then the other thing you said... . all of a sudden she is smug. (only because she has someone else propping her up... . really pathetic if you think about it.  If she could just have stood on her own two feet when we were together there would be none of this). I did a lot of things for this woman, I found a cool place to live, made it into a home... . took care of the home... . (but it was never enough).   To have her turn around and be smug on the phone or in person was just so disrespectful.  All of it ... just vile.

You are not pathetic. You have been beat up by a hyena... . Just regroup, get all the support you can and make the decision to take care of you. I know when I changed my phone number... I had such mixed emotions doing it... . I felt like I was being torn in two... . but deep down my survival instinct was telling me that I HAD to do it.  This person had to become the enemy and I needed to take care of and love me.

I just cut it off, and worked on my life. Just me. Staying sober/clean, having a place to live, going to work, staying in shape and pursuing my hobbies, and making some really tight friendships because I had the time to show up.  Life got better... . I got off the roller coaster.

She just went into psycho loop number 17 before she even left our home... . no thanks.

I still find it wild that after all of the $hit she did then... and all the acting out in public places in front of me after she left alone or with my replacement... . all of the 8-year-old behavior... . she thinks that after a few years go by... . that somehow she now has a clean slate? She never even told me she cheated on me? So... . now she thinks she can just walk up to me and all should be forgiven and I should be the same caring loving guy I always was.  It is really PSYCHO.    Really scary to think what goes on in that pee brain.  I know she is sick... but I have to spin down on her for MY survival.  On her part, ss that ego, insanity... . forgetfulness? I DON"T care.

I have no idea... . but I just move away from her like she is a suicide bomber.  HOW can she be surprised at that?  At this point, even though inside I get upset... . it is quite comical that she can own none of her actions. NOTHING?

Seems like you are in the same vise... . and you are the only one who can loosen the handle ... . you can get tons of support... . but it starts with YOU.
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« Reply #38 on: June 03, 2014, 08:36:03 PM »

My ex-bf has not contacted me in 3 1/2 weeks now (per his therapist). IF he does contact me for any reason... . should I simply ignore? Is that best?
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« Reply #39 on: June 03, 2014, 08:53:00 PM »

Hey split black I feel for you!

That situation is a very ___ty one. I have been there, I know. I have gone thorugh the emotional rollercoaster that that limbo does to you, and I don't want to go there myself yet, so I only skimmed this thread recognizing the situation and hoping that sharing my method will somehow help. I will take the more practical approach. I got an app to block the calls and messages, its called Extreme Call Blocker for android, i dont know if there is an ios app for that. I set it to hang up whenever she called and never show it to me and delete every message she sent. It got me trough the first stages. Months later she sent a mail using her workmail that I had not blocked. When I saw that all the wounds just ripped up again and I started obsessing over the block log on the app. That just hurt me more. I finaly decided that enough was enough and stoped checking the block log. After that it has only been healing more and more. The urges came to check again, but I got my sister to erase the block log for me without saying anything about the amount. (No atempts would have hurt as well). This was in October last year, I hope she has forgotten me now, I just want to heal. Point is: Every encounter rips up your wounds. That means everytime she calls, everytime she texts, everytime you check anything about her, on facebook, everytime someone mentions her, etc I know that you are in the middle of it all now, and I know that this advise would have gone past me in my situation, but when you heal a little more it is important to truly go no contact. Someone mentioned addiction, and that is true. Treat it like an addiction. I have a quit smoking app that instead of counting the time I have been without tobacco, counts the moment that I last communicated with her, and it shows 374 days 11 hous and 58 min Smiling (click to insert in post) Keep your head above water. Better days will come. I promise  
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Split black
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« Reply #40 on: June 03, 2014, 11:10:30 PM »

All the nonsense and not admitting or taking responsibility for ANYTHING... .

Then the other thing you said... . all of a sudden she is smug. (only because she has someone else propping her up... . really pathetic if you think about it.     All of it ... just vile.

I know when I changed my phone number... I had such mixed emotions doing it... . I felt like I was being torn in two... . but deep down my survival instinct was telling me that I HAD to do it.  

 Life got better... . I got off the roller coaster.


Seems like you are in the same vise... .

Our stories are similar but you were in yours longer. I made a commitment to lose my number in exactly two weeks. Im changing it. I can not continue to be sucked into my own head. Because thats where this is... . in my head. Between my ears... . She can text and engage then move on to whatever it is shes doing, I mean whom ever she is doing... . and Im the one thats stuck. My only solace is she doesn't know how I feel and never will... . again.

Every encounter rips up your wounds. That means everytime she calls, everytime she texts, everytime you check anything about her, on facebook, everytime someone mentions her, etc



This is very true... . there are no words that I can say to her anymore that are not twisted and distorted in the blackness that I have become to her , nothing I can do, because to her I am a monster, the person she offed her own despicable behavior on... .   she is remorseless and cruel. There is a word that means someone who enjoys the suffering of others... . Malicious enjoyment derived from observing someone else's misfortune... . "Schadenfreude"... . harm-joy... . and this is her. I was played.  Karma.

My ex-bf has not contacted me in 3 1/2 weeks now (per his therapist). IF he does contact me for any reason... . should I simply ignore? Is that best?

I know you want him to with all your being... . my advise is to RUN. Unless you want to have your heart continually ripped open. Sex isnt love.


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« Reply #41 on: June 04, 2014, 01:19:01 AM »

I made a commitment to lose my number in exactly two weeks. Im changing it. I can not continue to be sucked into my own head. Because thats where this is... . in my head. Between my ears... . She can text and engage then move on to whatever it is shes doing, I mean whom ever she is doing... . and Im the one thats stuck. My only solace is she doesn't know how I feel and never will... . again.

You are absolutely correct Split black. Don't let her rent space in your head.
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« Reply #42 on: June 04, 2014, 01:48:46 AM »

 SplitBlack, change the number... . Attaaboy!  That is the best way... as trying to block numbers, you are always wondering when they will call from another number. This is a way of being effective AND showing commitment to you!

"she is remorseless and cruel. There is a word that means someone who enjoys the suffering of others... . Malicious enjoyment derived from observing someone else's misfortune... . "Schadenfreude"... . harm-joy... . and this is her. I was played. "

This is the part that I find so disturbing... . and so sad.
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« Reply #43 on: June 08, 2014, 04:08:49 PM »

I gave you a pass because your crazy... . now just leave me alone. Please leave me alone"  Im the guy, and Im saying that to a young women. Im pathetic.  Can you imagine.

I think we can ALL imagine. The behavior of my BPDx has reduced me to tears God only knows how many times... . and she still has the ability to troll me from time to time. BPDs are really good at that. This has nothing to do with your manhood. This has to do with HER illness. That wasn't your fault. You didn't cause it and you can't fix it.

Right now "manning up" means doing what's right for you, and letting her go. So do it.

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« Reply #44 on: June 08, 2014, 05:23:21 PM »

I gave you a pass because your crazy... . now just leave me alone. Please leave me alone"  Im the guy, and Im saying that to a young women. Im pathetic.  Can you imagine.

I think we can ALL imagine. The behavior of my BPDx has reduced me to tears God only knows how many times... . and she still has the ability to troll me from time to time. BPDs are really good at that. This has nothing to do with your manhood. This has to do with HER illness. That wasn't your fault. You didn't cause it and you can't fix it.

Right now "manning up" means doing what's right for you, and letting her go. So do it.

I was golfing today with a group of buddies... . it was fun... . if it wasn't for the fact that I met her one year ago today, why do I even know this and she doesn't... . so it was a rough day in my head. I was ruminating to the point where I thought I was tripping on acid. And lost 25 bucks to boot!

I will never understand her self destructiveness, I asked her exactly why she did this aside from my busting her cheating and her shame, she says because " I manipulated and lied to her duh "... . When I said ok, give me ONE example of how... . she said... . "you just live to lie, I hate you, you are going to die alone "  Its a ridiculous conversation, they always are. Pointless and sad. I mean I understand intellectually, and of course I have and did let her go... .   and when I feel this addictive mind numbing crap going on I do lean into it. And I get that its not a linear path to complete indifference... .   but today was a rough triggering day.  Im glad its over. Tomorrow will be better. 
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« Reply #45 on: June 08, 2014, 05:36:27 PM »

"It's a ridiculous conversation. They always are."

After they hook up with someone and paint you black... . the conversations are just that!
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Split black
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« Reply #46 on: June 08, 2014, 10:40:25 PM »

"It's a ridiculous conversation. They always are."

After they hook up with someone and paint you black... . the conversations are just that!

Im so tired of expecting a different result. Oh wait... . isnt that one definition of insanity. To do the same thing over and over and expect a different result... .
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« Reply #47 on: June 10, 2014, 07:21:43 PM »

Well... . its been 10 days and I just found myself embroiled in another 25 texts from her. No, I have not changed my number yet. Im waiting for another two weeks until my plan runs out. Yeah, excuse. Last contact was misery... . this one was even stranger. Started out with a simple text from her about how happy she is without me. Then it degraded into the typical Im a wolf and a liar pretending to care. The entire time she was telling me how shes happy and she doesn't need me heaped on top of extreme mood shifts from text to text. I would only respond with Im glad your happy and and Im sorry you still feel that way about me. Maybe one day we can be friends. To which she replied we will never be friends and that Im blah blah blah blah.  Then she again says never text me again. Im annoying and Im inappropriate... . because SHES texting me and is back with her ex. I didnt respond. So she texts back again to not ever text her again... .  3rd grade. I responded Im sorry your feeling so angry, I wish you and blah the best, and to take care.  It finally ended... . I think she got the last word in... . her 28 texts to my 12.

I know Im doing this to myself. I know its contact... . and even instigated by her I keep allowing it. Then I feel like ___ and I start all over again. When is enough enough? How many of you went through a few months of NC, and then stupid contact while remaining black as night. What made you FINALLY block the calls? I cant seem to slam that door shut.

Im not in total misery... . I dont think about her all day. I have a really good life and Im involved in a lot of distracting things... . I have held my cell phone in my hand 35 times and wanted to throw it in a nearby lake that I pass on the way home. Ive stood there at the edge of the woods with the phone in my hand and then walk. It would be easy to get a new number. Ive already blocked FB and changed my email. This is the only way she can contact me. Once its gone... . thats it. Even though its already been IT.  The not IT is in my head.

Jeeezus... .  whats wrong with me?  And thanx for your patience... . because I know I must be sickening by now.

  Check this vid/music out. www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVLUw7xy2RU    A song by the bayonets ... . Sucker for Love
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« Reply #48 on: June 10, 2014, 08:03:56 PM »

Hey SB no contact is the only way you'll move forward. I don't want to see you here posting about her texts in 6 months time Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)

My exBPD came around to my door on the weekend. I wasn't home, my son told him I was out. He left and nothing since but I'm expecting it all the time. This after he ditched me with 3 words over 3 months ago and no contact since. And he was trying to hook up with my friend during that time. And then last week started abusing my sister for not talking to me. I knew it was coming. I was actually thrilled when I knew he'd come around. It validated my thoughts on BPD. And it felt good he was thinking of me. But I'm not going back so will tell him short and firm I've moved on. ( and then ball my eyes out after he's left)

It's  really hard to resist that pull I understand what you mean, but if we keep doing the same thing we'll keep getting the same result.

Peace, and no responding 
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« Reply #49 on: June 10, 2014, 08:49:24 PM »

And it felt good he was thinking of me. But I'm not going back so will tell him short and firm I've moved on.

So you're going to answer the door if he turns up when you're home Narellan?
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« Reply #50 on: June 10, 2014, 09:05:07 PM »

Yes I am. I'm too on edge not bringing it to a head. I'm answering the door then shut it again depending on what he says. My reply will be "I need to continue with NC. I'm happy to move on now" I'd he raises BPD I might respond with a " get help" message. Funny I was reading an article in the paper about his career, and it said "d describes himself as a chameleon " I was stunned when I read that. Other times he's referred to " cycles" and once said " Narellan without even knowing it you've helped me get over problems I've been battling on my own my whole life"

He may have a diagnosis even, but he certainly has knowledge when I think of those few comments. And he said " I'll never move past a 19 yo emotionally"

(He said due to serious car accident he was in at age 19)

I might just drop a common term and tell him I understand but I've had enough " recycling"

What do you think?
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« Reply #51 on: June 10, 2014, 09:17:18 PM »

What do you think?

If you believe you have the strength to carry it off, go for it.

BTW- be careful about posting quotes from other websites. Google is a very powerful search tool! 
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« Reply #52 on: June 10, 2014, 10:05:45 PM »

Hey SB no contact is the only way you'll move forward. I don't want to see you here posting about her texts in 6 months time Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)

but if we keep doing the same thing we'll keep getting the same result.

Peace, and no responding 

If Im doing this in 6th months please find me and shoot me.     Definition of insanity... . same thing over and over same result.   
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #53 on: June 10, 2014, 11:04:28 PM »

It's fine to express what we feel, think, and need. Many of us get caught up in holding back, playing along, playing nice. We should be ourselves. Get it out into the open. Set it down, it might only be heavy now because we're still carrying it. If we quit dodging honesty while on the way to the truth... .

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Boss302
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 332


« Reply #54 on: June 11, 2014, 10:20:04 AM »

Yes I am. I'm too on edge not bringing it to a head. I'm answering the door then shut it again depending on what he says. My reply will be "I need to continue with NC. I'm happy to move on now" I'd he raises BPD I might respond with a " get help" message. Funny I was reading an article in the paper about his career, and it said "d describes himself as a chameleon " I was stunned when I read that. Other times he's referred to " cycles" and once said " Narellan without even knowing it you've helped me get over problems I've been battling on my own my whole life"

He may have a diagnosis even, but he certainly has knowledge when I think of those few comments. And he said " I'll never move past a 19 yo emotionally"

(He said due to serious car accident he was in at age 19)

I might just drop a common term and tell him I understand but I've had enough " recycling"

What do you think?

I guess it depends on the level of contact that's healthy for you. But when it comes to BPDs, we both know that giving an inch means the BPD will try to take a mile. Unfortunate but true. I bet he'll try to leverage that small relationship into a larger one. My BPDx does that every time we have a pleasant exchange - she takes that as her cue to try and come back into my life. One nice email leads to five from her, and all the sudden she wants to talk to me all the time about irrelevant garbage, with the intent of re-entering my life. And then I have to set boundaries again, because she is 100% toxic to me.

My personal feeling is that if someone's toxic to me, then I don't want that person around, period. The unfortunate truth is that the toxic person in my life is the mother of my kids, so complete disconnection isn't an option. I don't know if that would work for you.
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Boss302
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 332


« Reply #55 on: June 11, 2014, 10:24:23 AM »

Hey SB no contact is the only way you'll move forward. I don't want to see you here posting about her texts in 6 months time Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)

but if we keep doing the same thing we'll keep getting the same result.

Peace, and no responding 

If Im doing this in 6th months please find me and shoot me.     :)efinition of insanity... . same thing over and over same result.   

If this is happening in six months we may not need to shoot you... . you might handle that one yourself.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Seriously, it's time to disengage, SB. It sounds to me like interacting with her is toxic for you, so just don't do it. Easier said than done, I know... .
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Boss302
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 332


« Reply #56 on: June 11, 2014, 01:13:10 PM »

Yes I am. I'm too on edge not bringing it to a head. I'm answering the door then shut it again depending on what he says. My reply will be "I need to continue with NC. I'm happy to move on now" I'd he raises BPD I might respond with a " get help" message. Funny I was reading an article in the paper about his career, and it said "d describes himself as a chameleon " I was stunned when I read that. Other times he's referred to " cycles" and once said " Narellan without even knowing it you've helped me get over problems I've been battling on my own my whole life"

He may have a diagnosis even, but he certainly has knowledge when I think of those few comments. And he said " I'll never move past a 19 yo emotionally"

(He said due to serious car accident he was in at age 19)

I might just drop a common term and tell him I understand but I've had enough " recycling"

What do you think?

I guess it depends on the level of contact that's healthy for you. But when it comes to BPDs, we both know that giving an inch means the BPD will try to take a mile. Unfortunate but true. I bet he'll try to leverage that small relationship into a larger one. My BPDx does that every time we have a pleasant exchange - she takes that as her cue to try and come back into my life. One nice email leads to five from her, and all the sudden she wants to talk to me all the time about irrelevant garbage, with the intent of re-entering my life. And then I have to set boundaries again, because she is 100% toxic to me.

Not to respond to my own quote, but I'm going to... .

Yesterday I told my BPDx I appreciated her paying for my daughter's camp, and offered to help buy stuff, and sure enough, she just called a few minutes ago to chat in her oh-so-friendly "you're my best buddy" mode... . first phone call in MONTHS. And I told her I would only talk with her on email long ago. She's nothing if not predictable!

So, I had to email her back and say I wasn't able to talk with her, and needed an email instead. Re-setting boundaries.

Like I said... . leave the door half an inch open, and she'll try to worm her way right back into my life all the way.
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Split black
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 343



« Reply #57 on: June 11, 2014, 06:55:42 PM »

[/quote]
Like I said... . leave the door half an inch open, and she'll try to worm her way right back into my life all the way. [/quote]
Well... . it would seem like the half an inch door applies... . yet again. Just got a call... . was in the gym, I did not see the number, picked it up and its her. The FIRST time shes called me since she started bangin' her ex again full time. I was on a machine... . should have kept the phone in my locker.

First words out of her mouth were dont text me anymore... . ummmm huh? You just called ME.  Say what? I said OK... and then she goes into how Im a liar and didnt tell her the truth about something. She asked me if I was moving south and I said yes... . Ive bought a house near the beach actually, an opportunity i cant pass up and no more NE winters is fine with me... . and she said I lied about moving... . and how I asked her to move there as well. Or something like that. But then how she wouldn't ever get in a car with me... . and then how Im so pathetic. Holy jeeezuz. I stuttered something in my defense and then just thought what the heck am I doing... . I mean really... . Then she wanted ME to buy something from her... . dont ask. Like she is doing me a favor.She knows I dont roll that way. Then she said her car was on the brink and she wanted me to drive her. WHAT? I think shes really lost it.  If her new old BF knew she was contacting me and what she was going to " buy " he would dump her on the spot. I said sorry, nope, eh no thanks... .   This conversation could have occurred when we were together... . its reminiscent of the stress she would always put me thru. The compromising situations that could have ruined my career if I were ever caught riding dirty with her. What an idiot I was.

I dont know if its the contact... . or the recognition ... . or what... . but I feel more at peace with never seeing her again then I could have imagined. I do not want her anymore. At least thats how I feel right now. Its a very real feeling... . god I hope this lasts. No mas.
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BorisAcusio
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 671



« Reply #58 on: June 11, 2014, 07:02:11 PM »


Like I said... . leave the door half an inch open, and she'll try to worm her way right back into my life all the way. [/quote]
Well... . it would seem like the half an inch door applies... . yet again. Just got a call... . was in the gym, I did not see the number, picked it up and its her. The FIRST time shes called me since she started bangin' her ex again full time. I was on a machine... . should have kept the phone in my locker.

First words out of her mouth were dont text me anymore... . ummmm huh? You just called ME.  Say what? I said OK... and then she goes into how Im a liar and didnt tell her the truth about something. She asked me if I was moving south and I said yes... . Ive bought a house near the beach actually, an opportunity i cant pass up and no more NE winters is fine with me... . and she said I lied about moving... . and how I asked her to move there as well. Or something like that. But then how she wouldn't ever get in a car with me... . and then how Im so pathetic. Holy jeeezuz. I stuttered something in my defense and then just thought what the heck am I doing... . I mean really... . Then she wanted ME to buy something from her... . dont ask. Like she is doing me a favor.She knows I dont roll that way. Then she said her car was on the brink and she wanted me to drive her. WHAT? I think shes really lost it.  If her new old BF knew she was contacting me and what she was going to " buy " he would dump her on the spot. I said sorry, nope, eh no thanks... .  This conversation could have occurred when we were together... . its reminiscent of the stress she would always put me thru. The compromising situations that could have ruined my career if I were ever caught riding dirty with her. What an idiot I was.

I dont know if its the contact... . or the recognition ... . or what... . but I feel more at peace with never seeing her again then I could have imagined. I do not want her anymore. At least thats how I feel right now. Its a very real feeling... . god I hope this lasts. No mas. [/quote]
I have only one question. Why do you even engage in a coversation with her? You were in the gym, didn't have to lie about being busy.
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bruised
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Posts: 92



« Reply #59 on: June 11, 2014, 07:02:26 PM »

But then how she wouldn't ever get in a car with me... .

... . Then she said her car was on the brink and she wanted me to drive her.

Yep, just like my ex-friend telling me she needed space and that we should go NC for a while. Then 2 minutes later asking me to go to her house and help her move something.  
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