new bf turned her on to herion

[PaulaJeanne]

She had a nice functional (workng) copdependent boy we all like but dumped him for a guy who[s supposed to be leaving for college in september & "used to take heroin" They tried it together, she thought it was "romantic:, I want to kill him for introducing her, and my husband is not nice to him either

She picks losers who never drive so she has to do allthe driving. This ones not e

ven workingl

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

PaulaJeanne

I am not sure Iunderstand your post... . is your dd now using heroin? Please update us when you can... . how do you know for sure?

[pessim-optimist]

Yikes! I am so sorry PaulaJeanne... .

Here's to hoping that the relationship will break up before it's too late... .  

Has your daughter had addiction problems in the past? Is that an issue with her on top of BPD?

[PaulaJeanne]

She's been in & out of drug treatment programs for years, but mostly for marijuana & alcohol. I know she used it because she told me! My husband & I told her she cannot live with us if she uses opiates, & I bought an over the counter test kit. She agreed to take the test "whenever" we ask her to, and I believe she hasn't used it again. She's going to work & seems to be clean, but she did start smoking cigarettes again.

The psych hospital she stayed in several times as a minor did not have a dual-diagnosis program for kids, but they do for adults. So far, she's insisting she doesn't need it. I can't force her into it, but if she fails a drug test, she can move there or find some other place to stay.

I don't mean this to come off as "tough love"--that's never worked with her. I just bought Valerie Porr's book & am trying to implement those skills.

[jellibeans]

paulaJeanne

Keep us posted... . I hope that she is telling you the turth about the drug use. Valerie Porr's book is wonderful and I am sure it will help you... . hang in there

[pessim-optimist]

I am so sorry, not being able to help our adult kids and having to mostly watch what they do is really really demoralizing... .

As jellibeans said: please keep us posted. Even just sharing helps tremendously... .  

[PaulaJeanne]

Thank you. I'm feeling exceptionally low today. I haven't crossed paths with her in a few days, although she has been home when I'm asleep or at work. I just tried to contact her to find out if she'll be around Saturday into Sunday to take care of our dogs so my husband & I can go visit my sister this weekend, but she doesn't answer my calls or texts.

I'm soo tired of being disappointed.  :'(

[pessim-optimist]

I hear ya, I am so sorry... . We are disappointed also, as my step-daughter was supposed to come for the weekend with the whole family and it's our little grandson's b-day. They are not coming after all... .

Although we were excited to see the kids, we are going to make our best effort to have a good weekend in spite of it.

Do you have any friends who could take care of the animals, and you wouldn't be dependent on dd in order to go visit your sister? The change of scenery might do you good... .

[PaulaJeanne]

So I ended up going to my sister's beach house without my dh, who stayed home with the dogs. The main reason is my older dog is 14 and in very poor health.

But much to my (pleasant) surprise she dumped the heroin guy. Of course, she can't ever be alone, so the nice, codependent guy has just been recycled. I kinda feel bad for him. He's just like all the people on the Significant Other boards. I cannot understand why they stay.

[pessim-optimist]

So I ended up going to my sister's beach house without my dh, who stayed home with the dogs. The main reason is my older dog is 14 and in very poor health.

Did you have a good time at the beach? I hope you got to relax... .

But much to my (pleasant) surprise she dumped the heroin guy. Of course, she can't ever be alone, so the nice, codependent guy has just been recycled. I kinda feel bad for him.

Well, that is GOOD NEWS! I know what you are saying about the boyfriend, yet, he must be getting something positive out of the r/s, he's an adult and if it's worth it to both of them, then why not?