Hello, tr & I'm glad you made your way to the Parenting a Child Board
I'm really sorry that your daughter is giving you such a hard time... . until our BPD loved ones realize they have a problem, and then are truly willing to make use of the help available to them, their recovery won't begin. The good news, though, is that you have found us, and if you look to the right-hand side of this page---------> you will find many
links to important information that can help you understand her better, and how to deal with her in a way that doesn't push every one of her buttons.
I found that once I learned the communication tools and techniques in those links (Empathy, Validation, S.E.T., Boundaries, Radical Acceptance), my relationship with my son (37) who was diagnosed with BPD a year ago changed the minute I very clumsily used them
And once our relationship changed, to where I stopped pushing his buttons, he started listening to me differently. And when that happened, I was able to help him accept the help available to him. Here's an Article that would be especially helpful to you with that:
Article 6: Helping a Loved-One with Borderline Personality Disorder Seek Treatment.
What I did right after my son was diagnosed with BPD and I found this site was to read
everything I could before trying to help him, because
Before you can make things better, you have to stop making things worse. Once I had an idea of the things I'd been doing and saying that were setting him off and making life unbearable in our home, I very tentatively approached him about a problem that had been driving me crazy forever... .
And, as clumsily as I handled it with my new-found communication techniques of Validation and S.E.T., our life changed in that moment. The expected raging response from him from a usual request I made that had caused a blow-up since who knows when, never happened! Since you are having troubles with her anyway, maybe take a breather from the stress of it for awhile, and spend some time reading the
TOOLS and
THE LESSONS, and every other link to the right side of this page. Learn what you can, and maybe it can help; what do you have to lose?