Patience does pay off - I hope

[tristesse]

so my BPDd 30, who refused to go to therapy, even after I worked hard to find someone who specializes in BPD and DBT. I was overly dis-appointed the day she refused, with the comment that she didn't need therapy, but the rest of us did. I have been very patient and using all the skills and techniques I am learning,  and avoiding major fall out. I have held onto the information and just biding my time, hoping above all else that she would eventually come around.

Sitting in my office at work a few moments ago, she called and asked me for the information, name, website, phone number etc... . I happily gave it to her, and almost holding my breath in anticipation. Dare I hope that she will make an appointment and begin the journey to recovery? Trying not to get my hopes up and get overly excited, but I do believe this first initial step of just asking for this information was a big one. Am I too eager, and too hopeful? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[muffetbuffet]

Sometimes those little "bright spots" are what helps us keep it all together in dealing with these situations long term.  Hope and pray that dd follows through.

[jellibeans]

This is a huge step for your dd even if she doesn't follow through at first. I have a big smile on my face... . really happy for you and your dd.

[tristesse]

Hi jellibeans,

Glad to hear that somebody else thinks this is a step forward for her.

I will never give up on her, and maybe that helps her in some way.

[kelc323]

Hi bpetersen514   That is wonderful news! Recognizing positive change is neither too eager or too hopeful. It is also reaffirming! I believe your daughter trusts you very much. Just the fact she asked for the information - which makes her vulnerable in that moment - shows this. It will still be a long road, with many bumps along the way, but each tiny step forward is a step in the right direction. I firmly believe that our children w/BPD need to know that the door to our heart is always open. We may have to shut it every once in awhile to protect ourselves a bit, but it will never be locked! 

[tristesse]

thank you Kelc for your encouraging and kind words. This site is a true God Send for me, I can air my grievances to people who understand and I can share my success and joys with people who celebrate it with me. I feel blessed to have stumbled upon this place.

[Rapt Reader]

That is excellent news, bpetersen514 

Even if she takes a little more time to actually make that call, she has just jumped a huge hurdle in mentally admitting to herself that she needs help. Wow! This seems like it could be a breakthrough for her, and wonderful good news for you, validating your hard work and patience with her. Kudos to both of you 

[hopeangel]

This warms my heart and keeps all our spirits up! 

Well done, the fact she is beginning to own her owm illness and stop projecting it onto you is wonderful in itself! Well done it's due to your hard work never ever doubt you can bring about change however small - you just did it! 

[tristesse]

I am going to say this little success is due to the contributions of this site, I have found so much useful information here and have gotten great advice from "friends" who share the same experiences.

[lever.]

This is wonderful news. She has obviously been thinking over what you have been saying to her.It sounds like she is begining to take steps forward.

Do let us know how things go

[madmom]

Wonderful news for you.  Sounds like you handled things well with your child.  Keep up the good work, and no that you are doing the best you can with the situation you have been given.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[tristesse]

BPDd actually looked up T on internet, discovered that this is Christian influenced, and back peddled. Im not sure why she found that to be off putting, she is not new Christianity, but she was put off,so now I am just letting that marinate in her brain for awhile, and hopefully she will realize that this T is there to push bible study at her, and will go for it. Fingers are crossed.

[jellibeans]

bpetersen514

Is there another T that would be more suitable? When I found a new T for my dd16 that is when things changed and this is the first T that my dd connect with and is willing to go to. Before that she resisted and I felt like I was throwing away money everytime she went. Is there a T that does DBT?

[tristesse]

This T does DBT, and she is the only one in our area. I spent a ton of time,searching. I meant to say that she will not push bible study and scripture, but I typed it wrong.

There are a lot of therapists in my area, but none that specialize in BPD and DBT,except for the one I found.

I choose to remain hopeful.

[madmom]

Yes, definitely remain hopeful.  Maybe at some time in the future, you child will be willing to see this person and make her own judgement after meeting them if this is a person that could work for them. Good luck to you.  I hope things get better for you and your loved one.

[jellibeans]

bpetersen514

I would let it sit for a bit and see if she reconsiders. I do think it is hard for them to change their minds if they already feel the T is not a good fit. It is unfortunate that there are no other DBT therapist in your area. Alway remain hopeful... .

[tristesse]

MY DD informed me last evening that she has an appointment with a T on Tuesday, but not the one I referred her to. She told me she was going to see a psychologist in the neighboring town, and that she was only going for med management. This feels to me like she doesn't want me deciding for her, she wants to make her own choices. I'm alright with that, because although she chose somebody different than my recommended T, She at least chose a T. I also believe that although she says it is only for med management, she knows she needs therapy. In my eyes she has taken a gigantic step. Not that she has never gone to Therapy before, because she has, but somehow this feels different. I hope after some time she will realize that DBT is the best thing for her, and will make that appointment. In the meantime, I am pleased that she is trying to be somewhat pro active. She is 30years old, and I am so ready for the mature adult relationship that we should have, but she is my daughter so I will take whatever effort she makes, and continue to have faith in her ability to recover.

[griz]

That is such wonderful news and a very big step.  I have always told my DD that understanding our issues and disabilities is the first step... acknowledging them, owning them and working with them is what gets us moving. 

Hooray for you and your DD 

Griz

[Rapt Reader]

In my eyes she has taken a gigantic step. Not that she has never gone to Therapy before, because she has, but somehow this feels different.

It looks that way to me, too 

I hope after some time she will realize that DBT is the best thing for her, and will make that appointment. In the meantime, I am pleased that she is trying to be somewhat pro active. She is 30years old, and I am so ready for the mature adult relationship that we should have, but she is my daughter so I will take whatever effort she makes, and continue to have faith in her ability to recover.

The attitude you have here will be part of why your hopes can come true 

[tristesse]

Thank you to all who have replied here. I stay hopeful and strong because of you all and your encouragement.

[jellibeans]

Woo hoo.  Something to celebrate! Keep us posted.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders