Did any body ever have change in the sex department

[Hostage1234]

My BPD wife and I have sex twice a month and it's always let's get this over with I feel very crappy when we met she told me she loved sex I guess that was the hook.its so frustrating all I want to do is be close and share that moment

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kikimo]

I can't offer much help. I'm new to learning about BPD. I've also not reached the point with my bf, so I don't know if his drive/out look on sex will take a dive or not. I do know now, it's explosive. Even wanting to do it 4 to 5 times in one day and in a non vanilla way.

I do recall when we first started dating him mentioning that he had a very hard time reaching climax with other people. Well, expect the one person he had a very long relationship with. He doesn't have too difficult time reaching it with me either.

I read about the subject, and I'm not sure what site I seen it on, but... . It mentioned that the "closer" a man with BPD got, the less time it took for him to reach climax, and for some men they'd get erectile dysfunction when with someone they had a strong emotional connection with.

I think many times with women, they use the sex to get their hooks into a man. Then after they think you are hooked, they stop having sex. Then they only use it as a "tool" or for "control".

I'd say it's probably also different with individuals. I honestly believe that my BF gets his "love" and some "validation" from it. He has even asked me if he is the "best" and other questions you can image. He even lied to me about the size, before we had intimate relations. I didn't even ask, he just volunteered. I honestly think he thought it was all he had to offer. I believe if he wasn't able to give me sex, or I refused sex it would crush his world. We have an understanding, I give him sex, he gives me long, intimate conversation.

[Fanie]

We didn't have any in 5 month now !

and I don't see it happening soon

Cant help but thinking who will she lure in next?

BPD is really something ... .

[Fanie]

I agree its very different between individuals

Keep on reading and posting

There is a wealth of info from a helpful family here. 

[TiggerGirl]

My uBPD husband has always had a strong sex drive. It hasn't changed in all the years we've been together. And since we've been seperated for the past 6 months, his choice btw, he can't seem to keep his hands off when he is around me.

The sex has gotten hotter and has goes on for hours now,  but I think its more that I found the confidence in myself since I have been seeing a T for my depression and anxiety. But I think it does serve as a source of love and validation for him. He needs to know that I love him and accept him. (I do it anyway without the sex.)

So, I think it probably depends on the person on whether or not they had a strong sex drive to begin with.

[wilsonian]

I agree partly with kikkmo... seems its a way of satisfying her own ego by making it remarkable and know the kind of person I am I am going to complement her on our sex life... . then it can turn into a tool to be used to with hold to control me... . Its a crazy crazy cycle... but during the idealization wow nothing like it before... .

[Cat21]

My uBPDh pretty much always leaves it up to me, which of course is the most unsexy thing in the world. Who wants to feel solely responsible all of the time? I work long hours and commute a distance, so usually, sex is the last thing on my mind most nights. We've gone months with nothing, and when I do tell him that I'm "in the mood", or have a nice night that leads to sex, he hops right to it and proclaims that it's been way too long. When I try to discuss it with him, and tell him that it's not all up to me and that I need to feel wanted, he tells me that he can always have sex any hour of any day, but that I'm not always in the mood. Typical- avoiding responsibility at all costs so he never has to feel rejected.

[maxsterling]

Completely dysfunctional.  With her constant self-loathing talk, it's kinda hard for me to get in the mood.  Her shame from failed past relationships also gets in the way of her enjoying things, so she is rarely in the moment.   And then I feel like I am only satisfying myself, which just feels so wrong and I feel horrible.  And to top that off, she refuses to use any form of birth control, so I use a condom, and when she gets angry she throws that against me, making me feel more shameful. 

Something makes me feel that a healthy, respectful sex life with a pwBPD is not likely.  Just too much to overcome.

[Fanie]

MaxS

But we had a super sex life when we met for the first 5 years

We had a weekend away 3 days 4 nights non-stop

It got worse later-on... .

until now ... . until now

Its rock-bottom

I am with my family here for only a few weeks

I an developing a theory, that us NONs have a finger in the pie ... .

don't ask me how ... .

yet ... .

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

When I try to discuss it with him, and tell him that it's not all up to me and that I need to feel wanted, he tells me that he can always have sex any hour of any day, but that I'm not always in the mood. Typical- avoiding responsibility at all costs so he never has to feel rejected.

My uBPDw says the same... . She's always in the mood according to her, but if I start something on a Sat morning she quizes me for 10 minutes on what I dreamed... . and then wonders why the mood is gone.  If the kids are gone in the evening and I say how about going upstairs now instead of at bedtime she quizes me about who I saw that day, or what was just on TV, and then wonders why the mood is gone... .

[Hostage1234]

Yup you said it wince the sex stops the relationship is on its last leg it never comes back to any form of a heathy adult relationship